So Snow Sick

i think mother nature is getting ready to puke all over us again. damn, we just got the last mess cleaned up. right now its anybodys guess as to accumulation. the predictions has gone from a mere 3 to 5 inches, 5 to 7 inches was the next report & the last i heard they were calling for 7 to 12 inches. enough.....already! let it stop.
at this point i don't think anyone is taking it well. i know i'm ready to scream. right now i'm at a low whine....winding up real quick to hitting the growling stage. screams aren't far off, seriously.

later.

The Greatest Show On Earth

last weekend was a special weekend. part of jammers birthday turned out to be tickets to the ringling brothers circus. very, very suprisingly i won tickets to the circus. a contest i entered at work panned out...who knew!!! it was awesome & we got a special 'behind the scenes tour' along with a 'pre-intro to the stars' special to meet & greet the clowns & stars of the circus. jammer & ixxie got to meet clowns, try on outfits, balance on balls, learn to juggle balloons, climb on ropes, you name it they had it for the kids to do. hubby took the program book & got autographs from everyone while the rest of us had fun on the floor. (damn, i hate blogger. i just typed 3 paragraphs that just disappeared. now if i can just remember what all i said.) lets see....i mentioned that one thing i really wanted the kids to get to do was pet some of the animals but they kept insisting that 'no, due to the safety of the kids & tiny feet they couldn't allow that'. how we almost had one girl talked into it until people close to us caught on to what was going on & tried to hone in so she changed her mind. i think when it was just 2 kids we could have gotten in but when another 8 or 9 wanted in she got freaked. and i can see her fear for the animals not being comfortable with a shitload of kids coming at them. we saw clowns, some in little cars, elephants, tigers, dogs, stunts riders, daredevils, tightrope walkers, trapeze artists, horses, zebras, did i mention clowns? big lights, wonderful laser light shows. lots of pretty showgirls very scantily clad that sonny had to be careful & advert his eyes to discourage honey from showing her ass. no matter how impressive those girls are. which i have to admit honey was on her best behavior. she didn't go off once but then how can you really ruin such a great night for your kids especially when those beautiful showgirls are balancing your kid on a big ass ball making him feel like the king of her world?
i can honestly say i've been to alot of circus' but this one really gave me a whole new respect for clowns. those guys are really impressive with all the stunts they do in those big ole floppy shoes they wear. the 'bellobration' was spotlighting BELLO, the main clown & he was a part of some of the most daredevil stunts i've ever seen the clowns involved in. he was actually on the outside of this wheel wearing those big shoes & managed to stay on. this thing was absolutely flying in circles so fast it was hard to see. it was really hard to get a pic of without it being just a blur. something else that fascinated me was the stilts. man, how those guys have improved. used to be it was all they could do to stay up on the 5 or 6 feet sticks that they were. these guys actually danced, skipped & jumped around like it was nothing. they were really good. of course, the whole thing was totally awesome & i can't wait till they come back to town to see them again. here are a few more pics that i thought captured the night. hope you enjoy them as much as we did. next time you get a chance you should take in the barnum & bailey's greatest show on earth. it really was exciting. i'd even pay to go back.
don't you just love the fingers in the mouth? they had a great time... can't you tell. i love my gang.

later

Bad Habits

back when i was in my early 20's i had a really bad habit of chewing on the inside of my jaw. i know you've all seen it. someone with their face twisted in some grotesque way that you can't even tell what they look like. someone pushing their face around to bite the inside of their mouth. chewing on their lip or their lips all pooched up to the side so they can bite that loose piece of skin thats just driving them crazy. sometimes its just that...a piece of skin that just needs to be bit off cos its driving you crazy. sometimes, like in my case, it becomes a habit...back then from worry. afterall, i was a widow with a small child & 4 credit cards that were all charged on, the rent that was due, the gas & electric bill that had to be paid or the phone that may be disconnected if not paid in another 2 weeks that i just had no idea how i was gonna handle it all. not to mention trying to find something to occupy my mind that wasn't gonna allow me to think about my dead husband. when you bite your mouth to a point of rawness, at least, its something tangible that you can concentrate on. something that takes your mind off of the picture in your mind of your 24 year old husband laying in a casket with stitches all up his chest from an autopsy that was performed to make sure it was natural causes that killed him & not some unnatural drug that he may have consumed or the recurring dream of holding your breath until he breathed. then there was my 4 year old son wanting to know when daddy was coming home & could he hide so daddy could find him every day for what seemed like a lifetime. yeah, i developed some pretty bad habits like smoking too much, squeezing my baby too hard & biting my jaw till it was so raw i actually scarred. it wasn't a pretty sight. i looked like some freak clown pushing & pulling my mouth to bite that hard to reach spot & i sounded like i had a wad of shit in my mouth cos it was so sore. After i got my shit together i decided the first thing i was gonna do was break that ugly habit of biting my jaw. it took me quite some time to break. i think i was living on my skin. i'd catch myself chewing on my jaw & tell myself i had to stop for months. without realizing i had actually stopped i did it. just one day i woke up & thought hey, my mouth isn't hurting. i knew i never wanted to get to that point of insecurity again.
about 6 months ago i noticed again i find myself pushing on my face to get that perfect bite. the inside of my mouth is so sore i can't hardly stand it. i've boiled it down to when hubby went into the hospital. i remember sitting by his bedside waiting for him to recognize me & watching the nurses strap him down with locked leather wrist bands & holding my chin in my hand while i pushed my jaw in to chew.
this brings me to 2 conclusions.
1. i need to lose the jaw biting &
2. husbands cos me to have bad habits.
jeez, i'm so glad its not something like chin hair that i could have electrolysis for. i bet you thought i was gonna say stop worrying, didn't you? lets face it...that ain't never gonna happen.
later.

Oh No She Di-int

you know what i like to see? that bitch that giggles about the snow, while standing inside the warm news room, standing out in the snow on the street corner reporting the bitter freeezzzinnngg cold while her lips are turning blue & her teeth are chattering so hard she can

hardly report!!! yeah, you ain't giggling now, are you by-otch? she was about to make me go postal on her skinny giggling ass until i saw her shivering out there. i'm still not over it but i guess i am feeling a little empathy for her. i guess. it helps to know how bad it sucks to be the news reporter thats low man on the totem pole. yeah, i've almost talked myself out of hating her so bad. maybe i won't go postal on her but damn, if she giggles again while i'm driving that hour in the ice & snow not being able to see more than a few feet in front of me i think i'll run over her the next time i do see her standing on the street corner.
i left work early cos it was supposed to get so bad & around here when they say its gonna get bad fast they mean run..don't walk..do not pass go..do not collect $200.00..get in a hurry up mode & get the fuck home. i stopped at a light & literally watched this cloud of ugly travel up the river in front of me.

by the time the light changed &

i made my left turn

it was crossing the street

and looking more like

i might be screwed.

i have this huge twisting snake like hill that i have to travel up to get home. that road is only 2 lanes with deep embankments on each side.

this is what i saw when i
made that left. the road
wasn't too bad yet but
this was coming down
really hard & fast with very little traffic
traveling up & down the
roads it wasn't gonna take
long to get nasty.

visibility was almost nil at this point.

by the time i got to the highway nothing was getting any better. you can't tell it but that film you see on the road was frozen ice & we were only traveling about 30 miles an hour.

at this point i was about half way home. it took me 50 minutes to get here & normally i should be almost home after 50 minutes of travel time. when i got to the road that i turn up. (the snakey one) there was an accident involving 3 cars. we had to work our way back out into the traffic to get around that to make the turn for the last leg of the fiasco. i stopped taking pics at this point. i needed both hands to manipulate those friggin hills & ss's. besides i didn't want to wind up rear-ending someone. so giggle much at the snow little miss reporter girl? i don't think so.

later

Pleasantly Surprised

what does cherry do when i pour fuel injector cleaner straight down her puss? that bitch choked a few times, coughed about a dozen times, puked 2 or 3 times then died! i mean died as in no life, no turnover, no crank at all. i sat in the parking lot for about 20 minutes letting her take it all in thinking what in the hell do i do now? i could have called roadside assistance so i wasn't stuck but i hated to have her towed all the way home. so, i tried her one last time. she cranked, she started, she sat there and idled like a champ. i was almost afraid to put her in gear thinking this is all a ruse. she's tricking me. i gave her gas a few times & she purred like a kitten so i put her in gear & all that stupidness of the last few weeks were forgotten. (she's a forgiving bitch). she's ran great ever since with no after effect at all...isn't that nice to know? slap her around & show her who's boss & she rolls over & gives you her loyalty again. i still hate cars. i'd rather ride a horse. a really tame horse though, cos i don't think i could take getting bucked off a 16 hand horse anymore. that shit bout killed me the last time.
we had jammers birthday party today. tonight actually. i love my big guy & his gullibility. i had him convinced all day that the preparations were for lucky. he really had no clue. her birthday is tomorrow so he practised singing the birthday song all day so he wouldn't mess it up for her. when i called him out & he saw this he was flabbergasted.

'memaw, you tricked me'

'yep, are you surprised'

'yes, i am. did i get presents'

'look behind you on the chair'

total look of awe.

'oh memaw, i love you sooo much. thank you papaw, thank you memaw. can i open them now'
we had a great time. everybody played with his toys & snacked on hanky panks first then ate chicken & dumplings for dinner. followed up with cake & ice cream.

in the end we all hugged up for a pic together.

all in all it was a great day. lucky is on the left & she was surprised cos she just thought she was coming for a party for jammer.
jammer was surprised cos he thought he was celebrating luckys' birthday & as you can see (inadvertantly) everybody just wished ixxie would shut up cos she just about blew every surprise we had planned. seriously, i think from now on when i'm trying to plan a surprise...i'll stick a sock in her mouth & tape it there.
later,
little taters

Mechanical Malfunctions

its been a very wet & cold nasty season around here. one day its snowing 3-6 inches & the next day its raining a couple inches with sleet & hail in between. maybe mother nature needs to get off the rag. makes for some really hairy driving & you all know how i feel about driving in this shit. not to mention the colds, sneezing & achiness that goes along with the constant weather change. as a matter of fact its been so bad that i think my car has even caught a bug from all the inclement weather. namely, her brain boxes have lost all control. what would you think? just recently some of her symptoms have gone from locking up to not locking at all. lights that work one time not working the next. windshield cleaners that work after you shut the car off. weird. thats all i can say is just weird. check this out…used to be when i hit a certain speed my car doors would lock automatically. lately, when i open the door & the interior light comes on…the doors lock. not in motion yet…that shouldn’t be happening. its also not a good idea when i get out of the car & the light comes on. i locked myself out a few times when it first started happening. you know first thing in the morning you fire up the car to warm it up & not realize the damn door locked behind you getting out. remember, the cars running. where are the keys? right, if you answered in the ignition. ok, no biggie. everyone has an extra key, right? RIGHT? nope, not me. i glued that fucking light button down in the door as soon as i got home from work. that isn’t gonna happen again anytime soon. super glue eventually wears out. right? and hey, i could’ve used duct tape! well, when the locking situation got under some kind of control the next thing was the windshield cleaning button. normally i push this button & the window washer fluid shoots up the windshield & half way across the roof while the wipers do a 2 swipe scan across the windshield. which was really cool considering all the big rigs that throw all that slushie crap all over. my car looks like a nasty turd with the dried white crust all over the outside of it. last wednesday i pushed the button for my windshield cleaner & i got nothing. no cleaner shooting up, no wipers crossing the windshield. nothing, zip, nada, NOTHING! i turned the wipers on & they were fine but no fluid. what the crap? i can just barely see out of the shitty windshield & now it decides not to work. ok, maybe it was frozen. i know windshield fluid is not supposed to freeze but with the windchill factors we were having some pretty cold days so, maybe?? when i turned my car off after i got to work & didn’t need to see where the fuck i was going anymore. you guessed it, the windshield cleaner shot up & the wipers kicked on. eureka! i could see again. hey, even from the outside in. we’re going into the flooding season. everyone stay tuned for what the bug does in the water. i can’t wait to see what the next development will be. who knows? maybe she’ll float. if she flies…i quit driving.
later.

Valentines Day

i'm 51 years old. i work every day of my life. even if i don't work i get paid for it which is really a good thing. although i have to take a pto day to get that pay at least i'm allowed that convenience. i don't understand a 2 party family that each won't make an effort to bring in their part. honey is one. i just don't understand where this woman gets off thinking she doesn't owe it to their family to contribute her part. one person on their own can pull it off but if you are a 2 parent family, with kids, it takes at least 2 incomes to make ends meet. to have anything. one person, making realllly good money can cover themself & have a decent living. 2 people with kids and only one income is just someone (sonny) pounding their head against a wall. what really kills me is sonny supports her & her daughter & his son but she refuses to get a job to help out. after jammer started school the plan was that she would get a job but in the end her statement was, 'i am NOT getting a job. thats the bottom line'. its just not fair to sonny for him to be sole provider.
in my case, i feel the same about hubby and he will agree with me that its not fair for me to support him but he won't get a job either. how does he live with himself & not have an income? how does he sit at home every day knowing that i'm the bread winnner of our home? that he makes no monetary contribution? with no viable reason for his decision? i don't know & he can't give me a reasonable answer. every week, at least once a week, i pose this question to hubby. still every week i'm met with silence.
i've offered every option to help rectify this situation. i've given him every chance to step up.
my only choice of action is divorce. if i file for divorce he'll have no choice but to go to work simply because nobody else is gonna be there to support him. yes, he can go back & live at his parents home but still they aren't going to support his habits et: his cigarettes, his alcohol, his willingness to sit at home & let someone else support him. what will be his option but to get a job & support those habits?
in our AA meetings they called me an enabler. they dogged me because i was the one that paid the bills & allowed him to sit at home & not be responsible. it didn't matter to those people that i still needed a home, food, transportation, heat or electricity...by supplying myself i was supplying him thus i was an enabler. they made me cry everytime i walked into those meetings. they made me feel like shit. i hated myself everytime i attended a meeting. they didn't care about me that was trying to be an upstanding citizen. he didn't speak up for me in those meetings. he just sat back & reveled that i was the bad guy for supplying all the necessaties. it was all my fault that he drank obsessively. i hated going to those meetings but i did to help him. it didn't help him. it only made me feel like a piece of shit. for the most part he walked down to the carryout, bought a bottle & had a buzz before we even went to the meetings. vodka can't be smelled so i sat there being attacked while he sat there in oblivion about all that was going on. he finished his program with flying colors & i kept feeling like the piece of shit i was for supporting him.
tomorrow is 'valentines day'. a day of appreciation for the one you love & god knows i have to give him something. i bought him a shitload of candy & i'm gonna print him a card that i've designed myself. since covering his face with a pillow has never worked...this year i think maybe i'll go for a super load of sugar. something has to got to get my point across.
happy valentines day to all those new lovers out there.
later.