And I Think To Myself

i wish i could do it. i really wish it was that easy. stop my heart, my compassion for a fellow human being & just bitch out!! just sit down & pound out the thoughts that go through my head. i've said before how i could do a '100 reasons why i hate my husband' post and i could do it in under an hour. but he reads this blog. am i really that heartless? i can be really wicked with my tongue & use of some strong vocabulary. especially with someone that i know isn't gonna remember anything i say anyway. to put it down in writing where the world can read it & have him know everyone can read it is almost more than i can bring myself to sting someone. sting my ass, smash, crush, pulverize, ..... but god he makes it almost impossible not to be that mean.
then i think to myself.
1. i hate a drunk.. i hate a drunk that thinks he's the cutest, funniest, most entertaining person in the world. i beg him to sit down, don't entertain, don't talk, don't fall & please, don't puke....shut up when he's drunk & don't, don't, don't. just don't everything. i really get so tired of hearing the same things over & over.
maybe if i did the posts & actually laid it all out for him to see when he's drunk or sober, maybe, just maybe, it would sink in. maybe i'd actually get my wish & he would stop talking to me. nahh, i'd never get that lucky. but i am getting closer to posting those evil thoughts. the thoughts that would make some of you even cross the street to avoid me if you knew what evil treads there.
then i think to myself.
2. what made me go off this time? AGAIN? i sign onto my pc & get a blue screen of death....so I go into safe mode & find a shitload of porn sites. AGAIN. ummmm, what don't you understand that porn on the pc isn't a good thing? when do you realize that this is the people they warn you about. the ones that sew up your computer & put a hurt on you? buy a book, dude. don't fuck with my computer. AGAIN.
damn, guess i just started that list, didn't i?
i can't wait to see where this goes.
later.