Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

who ever thought having grandkids every weekend was a good idea needs to be shot! oh yeah, that would be me. i started aggravating the very day jammer was born. stupid, stupid, stupid!
me: why have you been so mean & ugly since you got here?
jammer: memaw, i'm gonna be honest with you. my mommy fills me so full of sugar before i get here that i'm mean & ugly for days.
later.

Good Times Under The Crescent Moon

once upon a time there was a man named warbo. he was a very sweet guy, younger than me but ran with our older crowd. he was short, stocky & covered in fur. honest, from the top of his head all the way down to his flat feet. this man had more hair than anyone i've ever known in my life. he looked like he wore a thick angora body sweater. i once asked him where his neck ended & his body began cos i seriously couldn't tell. he shaved his neck that night so you could tell the difference. it didn't help much. then he just looked like an angora body sweater with a beige stripe. then he shaved his beard & wow, what a difference! he had one. a face that is. i guess in his line of work things like appearance & being deemed 'human' didn't matter much to him. at least until some girly girl pointed out to him she couldn't tell if he was man or monkey.
he was a truck driver by trade. i think he drove a truck so he could have access to the very best weed you could ever find. back then making friends in our group was alot easier if you had good weed.
although i did nothing to encourage him this guy swore he was in love with me. i never felt that way about him & i know i broke his heart but when its not there you can't do much about it. i did care about him as a friend & i kept introducing him to my girlfriends hoping one of them would take the weight off my shoulders & make him fall in love with them. it just wasn't in his stars. the one girlfriend i thought would really fit the bill was a cutiepie named janie. we called her 'janie no name' cos we couldn't pronounce her last name. they knew each other for about 3 weeks when he asked her out & she said she'd love to but she didn't have anything really nice to wear so not to take her to anyplace expensive. he took her shopping & bought her an entire outfit. right down to shoes & a purse. then put her on a plane & flew her to new orleans for mardi gras for the weekend. they dated for about 6 months before he let her up for air & started introducing her to his circle of friends. unfortunately that was the end of them. she wound up marrying his best friend. i failed miserably at my matchmaking for poor warbo.
after he & janie no name split i felt really guilty so i hung with him alot for awhile. one night about a dozen of us went to red lobster for dinner. warbo, me & even janie no name with her new boyfriend all had a great time making as much noise as we could while getting drunker & drunker after our meal. we finally got kicked out of red lobster so we decided to go downtown to continue our partying. we smoked so much dope that night, not to mention all the drinking, i could barely stand up let alone walk. finally we decided to head back to our own neck of the woods. we live about an hours drive out of the city so on the way home i got this ferocious need to pee. we were only about half way home & they decided we were going farther out to a late night bar that another friend owned so we could keep on partying. i couldn't hold it to make it any further so i demanded we pull down a lane leading to the river to let me go pee. janie agreed she could stand to go too & the guys finally gave in to our demands. warbo pulled into a long dark lane that wasn't traveled much & backed in to an area that lead to a field. we didn't have much room between us & the gate leading into the field so janie veered off to the left & i went directly behind the car. as drunk as i was i figured between the fence & the car i would be safer squatting if i had something to hold on to. there was a faint red glow all around me from the taillights. i faced the fence & squatted a bit to pull my panties down & clung to the gate.
i heard the giggling from inside the car & didn't think much about it. who knows what makes men giggle? i went ahead & started taking care of my business. considering i was feeling like an overfilled water balloon i peed & peed. it felt like it was taking forever to get done. i'm sure this all happened a lot faster than it felt like but we all know being drunk tends to make your senses all go into slow motion. all of a sudden the area lite up like a football field! during half time! needless to say i was blinded & slow in moving & all of a sudden my ass felt like it was on fire. what happened, you might ask? well, seems warbo & his buddy decided they'd give us more light since it was taking us so long. he had put the car in reverse while holding his foot on the brake pedal. explains the light, right? my ass feeling on fire? when he put the car in reverse it jumped back enough that the double mufflers were sitting on my right cheek. although it took a minute hot wasn't the word for it! thanks warbo, for the memories. i could never forget you. to this day, i still have 2 crescent moon shaped scars on the right side of my ass. just in case you were wondering.
later.

What Makes Kids Tick

we babysat k-bug a few weeks back for baby brother-in-law. he & his wife were in a play. they try not to do that too often but in this case the play needed one more person & asked marco to fill in. he felt obligated cos wifey was in it & he's a supportive kinda fella. the play was called 'joseph & the amazing technicolor dream coat'. hubby & i have gotten to the point that we don't attend many plays anymore. i mean these people are really into their plays & its one after another. while marco was appearing in one he was in rehearsals for 'sweeney todd'. like i said, one after another. they're great but i have to skip seeing the grandkids when i attend so i opt mostly for the grandkids. we did attend the first time marco appeared in a smaller part in 'sweeney todd'. this time he has a main character part & i would really like to see it but i'm not sure yet. yeah, i'm talking through my hat: we'll go & see him. this is too big a part. he plays the judge this time & i'm actually excited.
anyway, to entertain k-bug we took her swimming with the kids. the kids are great with her & she adores them. she was fine playing in puddles but the result of putting her in the pool kinda went like this.
we were told she'd been in pools before & loved them. i didn't get that from her reaction. i'm thinking maybe it was cos previously mommy was in with her & not planning on turning her over to uncle steiner. after mommy snuck off we headed on home. the rest of the night went ok. at some point i think the stress of being away from mommy & daddy for the week started getting to her. she'd be playing & out of the blue just walk off & start whining. when asked what was wrong she'd perk up & come back to play but i felt sorry for the baby. she's usually pretty happy & i couldn't help but pick her up & love on her every now & then.
she loves to rock.
in other news lil miss ix has decided she's too big to mind us anymore. twice today alone she's refused to answer us when called for dinner. when we asked if she heard us she said, 'i wasn't sure i heard you'. needless to say, she's being punished. oh yeah, big time! no tv for the rest of the weekend. she's dying! this kid lives for her tv & would rather sit inside watching tv then anything else you could suggest she does. course, this is the kid that says reading is a punishment. can you say mixed up? i'm at my ropes end trying to figure her out. but she will mind me. i won't give on that. we actually just got a notice in the mail that a child molester has moved into the neighborhood. this guy has been in jail before for the same thing & was released only to abuse another child. now he lives right around the corner from us. he won't have to worry about going back to jail if he does something to one of mine. i'll take care of his feed & board for the rest of his life. in a hole in my backyard. won't be any other kids that'll have to worry about him. i'm sure he won't live here long. my neighbors are pretty redneck. they won't put up with a child molester but in the mean time i'm watching mine really close.

later.

Dog Days Of Summer

are we missing some people? did my home planet send a ship i didn't know about & collect all the blogging people?

no, that can't be it. someone would've emailed me. or e-ted me or something. must be summer. yeah, thats it. i know its summer cos stupid me & hubby took the kids to a fair. a whole lot of rides, freaky people with colorful hats & peircing everywhere, cotton candy, hot dogs, funnel cakes, drunks, games, people yelling at us as we passed that we couldn't knock over the milk jugs, balloons, live music, screaming kids & walking. great time. 5 hours & a whole lot of money later we got to watch some huge fireworks that everybody ewwwed & awwwwed at we got to go home & fall into the bed. honestly if i had to walk that venue one more time i was gonna die. my feet felt like i was standing on 2 inches of dead meat. it was alot of fun & i wish i had proof but i also forgot to take the camera.
i did get pics of the stitches in jammers head, well they were actually staples. they stapled hair & all. i've never seen them not clean a wound before they did the closing. i thought they'd even shave the immediate area but nope, just stapled the shit closed & sent him home. daddy took the staples out a week later. it looks fine & jammer didn't even budge when it was done. sonny said he didn't even think he noticed when he pulled them out. like teeth, sonny & honey are saving the staples. why do people do that? i actually thought saving the teeth was a stupid idea. how could you convince a kid that the tooth fairy came & left them money if you had the tooth in a flipping jar? not the same fairy i knew when i was growing up. that bitch threw my precious little teeth away as soon as they came out of my head. which was fine with me. think of all the germs on those things. then what? you gonna take them out for years to come & talk about them? remind me of the pain i went through when that sucker came out? oh look, honey, remember this was when you & sissy was wrestling & she kicked that big tooth right out of your head. oh snap! i almost forgot to mention that jammers front tooth is coming in. remember the one sissy yanked out when she dropped him into the coffee table at 2 years old? it looks like he's gonna have a big ole gap between his 2 front teeth. unless the rest push them together alot over the next few years. i'll have to get pics of that for you next weekend.
time for bed. i still need to hit the shower & figure out what to wear tomorrow. i hate that job. not like i don't have a shitload of clothes to choose from but you never know how accurate the weather people will be. do i dress for rain or the first 100 degree day of the year?

later.

Welcoming An Angel Home

its been an extremely sad week in our world. a very dear man who will be sorely missed passed away on tuesday. my father-in-law lost his battle with cancer.
hubby has been reminiscing about the old days. he says he knows it was mum that sent him but it was always dad that busted him. he never got away with anything that dad didn't know about. i'm glad he finally has opened up because he's been quiet all week holding it all in.
lots of memories have been shared. lots of tears. lots of laughs. he was a loving father & a great husband. mum will be lost without him. we're all worried about her. dad always took care of the bills & the repairs. mum is strong, healthy & i'm sure she'll pull through this but we'll all be there for her.
last year dad had insisted on putting out a huge vegetable garden & this year its gone to crap. his flower garden is still going strong. its well established & it'll flourish without him for years to come but we all know where all the hard work came from to make it as beautiful as it is. hubby will go over & move things around. i know cos its what dad would have asked him to do. had him to help with if he was still able to.
i'm glad he had a chance to be a grandfather. i actually have video of him getting down on the floor to play with his granddaughter. even though it was hard for him to do he couldn't resist. she was the apple of his eye. even with ix & jammer, who wasn't his blood, he was loving. always teaching them things. holding them on his lap & talking with them.
so many memories. we're so thankful for the time we had him on this earth. thank you lord, for sharing your angel.
goodby dad, until we meet again.

Stretching The Limits

i finished moms mat & made a small plaque kinda thing to match. i thought maybe she could hang it over her door. i kicked around different things to print on the plaque like 'love grows here' or 'moms place' but i decided on these letters because at the end of all our emails we all use the letters of 'love you more than you know' or 'love you more & more everyday' or something to that effect. you can't really see the words & i wasn't gonna use the words themselves until nipper pointed out that nobody would know what it meant & it made more sense to just finish the words in smaller letters. she actually did an email up in word & sent it to me for the full effect. i think it matches pretty well & it all came out pretty good. what do you think? what you can't see is i also put a buttefly in the upper right corner of the plaque. if you click on the pic you can blow it up.
yesterday was my dads birthday & i'm working on a mat for him. he lives on what we've always called 'sunset ridge' where you walk out his backdoor & you look out over hills & hills rolling all the way to the river. its a beautiful scene & i'm trying to capture that for him. he's also big time into horses. he owns 5 right now. one is a big beautiful black stallion named 'levi' that i plan on putting right in the center of the yard. i took panoramic pictures of his place the last time i was out there. this is gonna be tougher than the mat i painted for mom. this is the center of the panoramic pictures i took. after i printed all the pictures & layed it out on my mat they fit almost perfectly to the size of the mat. all i really have to do is basically paint it pic by pic. i'm hoping to get this done by this weekend to give to dad before he leaves for the blackhills of montana on sunday. he's doing a 3 week vacation from the blackhills to bighorn on horseback. thats the hills that butch cassidy & sundance rode. terrorized, i mean. i'll post the finished work to let you compare. that is if i'm not too ashamed of it. no, i'll post it even if its not right. dads the one i want to impress. i just like showing you guys the ass i can make of myself. he's the one that'll be looking from my mat to his horizon saying what the hell was she thinking?
later

Back To School

so, i'm taking a vacation week. i start on monday. oops, thats today seeing its after midnight. as usual, my vacation starts out like shit. i took my car to my mechanic to have him check out the transmission he put in on my vacation last year. its been acting funny. so what did he do? he beat the shit out of my car in about 10 minutes & blew the head gasket. of course, he's not taking responsiblity for it so now i'm out of a car for vacation. believe me when i say my mechanic is out one client. asshole. not only did i miss the 'cash for clunkers' deal but i've spent all my income tax money. shitty timing for me.
on a good note, i went to the doctor last week & my cholesterol is down, my blood pressure is good & my sugar is great! i'm gonna start my diet again. just for good measure. i wanna lose another 30 pounds & then i'll be done.
today was hubbys birthday. we took him shopping but he bought for his brother instead of himself. i tried to get him to buy some new clothes or something but he said he didn't need anything. so, i just baked him a cake & we all sang happy birthday. at least he ate the cake.
sometime this week i'm gonna attempt to change my template here. if i screw it up it may be a while before i'm back. wish me luck on that. i've read the backup info here in blogspot & i'm hoping if i screw it up i can at least return to the original. guess you'll be the first to know.
jammer starts back to school on thursday. he had to be rushed to the hospital last friday. his mother, for lack of a better term, managed to drop a bed rail on his head while he was playing his playstation. he wound up getting a few stitches. honestly, between his mom & his sister the poor kid doesn't have a chance. i'm thinking i need to invest in a bubble. i have to find some way to keep him safe. may be i should ship in off to a boarding school. i could go as a teacher so i could be with him. man, guess i better go brush up on my aerodynamics cos he's gonna need some help with that bubble thing.
later