Monday, June 26, 2006

Swimming With The Mermaids

this weekend we finally got to go swimming. the weather was perfect & all the suits still fit. and let me tell you, swimming is allllll we did!! they refused to get out. i thought we were going to spend the night swimming both saturday & sunday. they didn't want to eat, they didn't want to watch tv, they didn't want anything to drink, all they wanted to do was swim. i couldn't coax them out with anything. it wasn't until they got so pruned & cold that they'd even wrap in a towel for a minute & as soon as they warmed up: right back in they went. we had a great time & nobody even came near drowning.
everyone was brave as hell too! i had to watch them close to make sure they kept the floats on. i swear i think they only got out to see if they could slide by me without the floats.
the deep end is totally off limits too, but you wouldn't believe how many times i had to remind them that they were either too close to the rope or on the wrong side. i heard but memaw so many times i threatened to change my name.
i've got the cutest little man story to tell you. in the pool are these little square holes with flaps on them. its for the overflow. with all the big guys doing all their cannonballs the water was like being in the ocean with huge waves coming at you all the time so the flaps were going crazy. well, jammer noticed these holes with the flaps & even though there is one in the shallow end he insisted he wanted to see the one in the deep end. once in the deep end he decided it looked just like a mailbox. he whispered to me that it was the mermaid & mermens mail box. yeah, and that they lived in the poolhouse & he had to go home to write them a letter. the story didn't end there, though. he wanted to invite them to dinner at our house cos surely they didn't have any good food to eat since the big boys made everything so wet & wavy all their food was soggy. he told me that once at our house they wouldn't want to leave & that was how we were going to wind up living in the mermaids home. so he could swim all the time. but the girls would have to stay with the mermaids at our home cos they wouldn't appreciate living in a poolhouse. (yes, he actually used the word appreciate). finally, i had a reason for him to go home! he had to write his letter. as he fell asleep that night he continued the story. from living in the water he would grow fins like harry potter & swim soooo fast that the girls couldn't catch him.
i think he's seen too much tv but i love his imagination.
well, i'm going to go watch some of that tv. i have more kolchak to watch. there will be no mermaids there but lots of werewolves. i already miss jammers story. i thought it was too cute.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Boom, Boom & Out Go The Lights

downsizing. everybodys doing it. a transformer blew in my little community last week. fire trucks, ambulances & cops out the ying-yang showed up for this little drama. finally an electric truck. all to just stand around, talk about the problem & yell at the little kids to step away from the area. about 60 homes without electricity for the better part of the evening. when we heard the explosion (a loud crack then a big ole boom) we walked outside to see what the commotion was all about. my neighbor across the street was already out standing in the street. i walked across to talk to her. i've noticed her car home as i left for work for the last 2 weeks & in the same spot when i got home from work. very unusual for her. i figured she was on vacation. no, she informed me her position had been cut. she's about 58 years old & has arthritis in her hands pretty bad. she just had knee surgery last month. she's a sweet little old lady that i've known for about 25 years & we've seen alot together in this community. she's been at her job for that entire time. staples had bought out her company & didn't need her services anymore. its a scary thought. i'm almost 50 & it would be devastating to lose my job. i don't know where or how i'd start to look for another job. who wants someone in their 50's to start a new career? who wants someone in their 50's in their company as a new-hire? let alone someone almost 60. i was there for her when she came home from work about 10 years ago to find her mother sitting in her chair waiting for her to get home from work....dead. i heard the horrible loud moaning that turned into a scream & went out immediately to see what happened. 'oh no, lindy, she's not breathing' is what she said when i went up on her porch to knock. i called 911 for her & tried to comfort her. again, i find myself trying to comfort her & let her know i'm there for her. like me she owns her home & has a decent car but not alot more. she got a severance pay. not nearly what she's worth & certainly not enough to live on. we've always kinda kept an eye on her & hubby takes her garbage out to the curb for her. but when you're so self-reliant how do you turn to someone to really help you? what can i really do for her? i, at least, don't have arthritis & bad knees. but then again, i'm not almost 60 years old. who knows what can happen in 10 years? just plain scary.
with all those civil servers around, not really doing anything but still having a job i thought, maybe i should take up ems training or something to do with serving the public. they at least didn't seem to have to worry about doing a job but still have one.
times are changing. life is getting harder. i thought it was supposed to get better, easier, guess thats not for the little guy.
i'm just one of the little guys. scary. just plain scary!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Shit, Shower & Ceramics

i don't know about you but taco bell....num num... nacho bell grande, tortillo chips topped with refried beans, spicy hamburger, lettuce, tomatoe, onion, sour cream & melted nacho cheese. i've been craving this for about a week. when i got home tonight & looked in the fridge to put together dinner i just couldn't stop thinking about how bad i wanted taco bell. hubby is out working on the leak we've developed under the house so i can't use any water. theres no water to use. the hamburger is frozen & besides i don't have the spicy mix. as soon as he turned on the water i grabbed my purse & his arm & off to taco bell we went. we ate in cos if you take it home you won't get a good meal. its half assed. on the way home the nacho is taking over my body. its going through me quick like lightning. no half assing going on here. i'm ready to pop! or poop.. whichever. i burst through the door & head for the bathroom. ok, nature is finished tearing up my insides but nooooo! the roll of toilet paper is nowhere to be found. not on the holder, not on the counter, not on the back of the toilet. nowhere! i open the door where i always keep at least 12 rolls of toilet paper at all times. i pull out an empty package. no toilet paper. how did that happen? hubby hates for me to buy more than we need. i explain to him that toilet paper is one thing i refuse to be caught without but last week when we went shopping it wasn't on the list. i simply didn't think of it till i walked out of the store & saw another woman walking to her car with a pack. luckily i have a roll in the bedroom next to the bed just in the event that someone takes the last of the toilet paper without telling me. (yes, i hide a roll to be safe) honey! honey! i need you! these are words he lives to hear. unfortunately, not what he had in mind. not i want you...i need you. big difference. guess where we're going tomorrow? shopping for toilet paper. wanna know how much i'll buy? more than i need thats for damn sure. and yes, i'll replace my hidden roll only now i have to find a new hiding place for it.
its supposed to rain all this week but man is it ever hot. what happened to that rain we were supposed to get? my house feels like a baking kiln & thats with 2 air conditioners running full blast. maybe it would help if hubby didn't decide to bake rolls until after dark?
i love rain. i love to walk in it. i hate to carry an umbrella. just me & the rain. it feels like it cleanses my soul. i said feels like. i remember when i was a kid my grandma had this ceramic dog that she propped the door open with & we would sit in the open door & watch the storm. lighning & thunder loll me to sleep. weird? i guess but it brings back wonderfull memories of my grandma. i wonder what ever happened to that ole ceramic dog. i would love to have it. jeez what i share with you people.
guess i'll hit the shower now.
later, lil tater.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Real Life For Real Commercials

i'm up late watching tv when a commercial comes on. a woman in nothing but black panties & a black bra crawling across the floor toward a sneaker. the next shot you see her breast area holding the sneaker. no face, no leg, nothing but her boobs & the sneaker. wtf?? i'm thinking maybe she had to sneak up on the sneaker to catch it. maybe she had to hook it with a little tantalizing titty? who thinks these things up? and what about that commercial would make me rush out to buy that sneaker?
another thing.. well, another commercial.. this woman is jogging down the road & thinks to herself.. i'm having trouble concentrating, could i be pregnant? have you seen this? does this make sense to you? when i was pregnant the last thing i had trouble with was concentrating. i concentrated on how i was gonna tell my momma i was pregnant & what my daddy was gonna think of me. i concentrated on how bad it was gonna hurt to give birth to that baby & how the hell was i gonna raise a baby. i was still a baby myself. concentration was the last thing that gave me the inclination that i was pregnant. how about no period, how about gaining weight, how about that morning sickness thing i was experiencing. concentration had absolutely nothing to do with figuring out i was pregnant. people out there are making good money for this shit & i could make better commercials in my sleep. at least mine would make sense. imagine this:
a young girl hanging over a commode, puking her guts out, her boyfriend walks in & asks 'whats going on?' she says, 'i can't keep my food down, do you think i might be pregnant?' can you say real life?
don't get me started on the music these days. riding dirty... i ain't singing about my car, dude! i'd be singing about the bedroom if i was riding dirty. he'd be reading the signs of my body alright.
honestly, how do these idiots get these jobs? although, i knew a guy from school that went to california to become a writer for tv. he was funny, smart, cute & quick with the comebacks. i remember seeing his name in the credits for things like in living color, full house & the tonight show. he died at the ripe old age of 46. just had a heart attack sitting in his chair. maybe i wouldn't want their jobs, after all. huh?
k...gotta go.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Alien Updates

i wish the weather would work with me, we, us, even the earthlings. so far, since the pool has been filled & ready, the weekends haven't been nice. the aliens are losing their minds over a ready pool that they can't get in. of course, i begged off getting them this weekend so what happens? a beautiful weekend. it looks like hubby & i may get a chance to swim without them first. as brave as they all are right now i am looking forward to their first time in. just to see if jammer still glues himself to my back, if ixxie can swim this year & how brave the twins are after all the fun we had last year.
last summer was the first for the twins with us. it's over their heads so everyone has both a ring & arm floats. snooks was a lot more leary than the brave little snarky. i don't think either of them had been swimming much until then, if at all. at first, each one had arms & legs both wrapped around me & refused to let go. after a few weekends they finally decided to trust me & give it a go. by the end of the 3rd week they loved it. duh, who doesn't? they were jumping off the side & going under water yelling look at me the whole time. i tried to teach them to do hairdo's under water. when i was a kid that was one of the best games we played in the pool. you hold your nose & go under, twisting & turning, until you come up with your hair all messed up & viola', it's beautiful! after that we would prance around like we were movie stars. snarky was the only one that went for it. that ended when she swallowed a bunch of water & had it coming out of her nose.
jammer has an excuse. the first year we took him papaw accidently tried to drown him. he was tossing him to me & didn't realize he was underwater for most of the toss. scared the shit out of jammer. you don't want to know how mad i was after that stunt. i've never seen anyone with such fear in their eyes & i watched his little eyes the whole time but it all happened so fast i didn't have time to even save him. (seemed like an enternity for me you can imagine how long it felt for him) from then on he wouldn't even get in unless he was clutching my neck with his skinny little arms & his legs wrapped around my body for added floatation. (believe me when i say i'm a floater!) after last year he was fine as long as papaw was in the deep end. thankfully cos i really couldn't breathe when he held my neck. strong little alien.
everyone is so excited this year that i think its gonna be alot of fun. next weekend will hopefully be nice & i know i'll have all 4, so, swimming we'll be a going.
hey, have i mentioned we have jammer potty trained? except he still has accidents through the night occasionally. the funny thing about that is when he was in diapers he never peed through the night. he's such a busy little guy that he usually pulls his pants up all cockeyed & winds up with his willy sticking out. just cute. i can't begin to explain how much i love that little fellow. he's alot more hyper than his daddy ever was. i thought he was a fast little shit but his son puts him to shame. you can't blink & find jammer in the same spot unless he's watching a movie. if he's watching a movie he questions everything. so, he's never really still. one thing he took after his daddy for sure. he hates clothes. he loves to take them off & parade his naked butt.
nipper has been sending me pics of our dad, us & other family members from when we were little. pics i've never seen before so its a great treat. i want to use them here but i guess i'd better ask before i do. so, nipper, do you mind if i post some of them? they've definitely opened some closed doors in my mind. the memories come flooding back sometimes. other times its like i'm looking at strangers.
well, i think i'll go for now. we got dvd's of the old 'night stalker' series. anyone remember them? with the news reporter named kolchak? i always loved staying up late on nights that daddy stayed out & getting to watch them. they scared the bejesus out of me but i love anything scary.
i remember having nipper convinced i was a witch too. thats another story.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Who's Your Daddy?

damn blogger. my last post is now in the belly of, the moofie we all love to hate, out there somewhere floating in the infinite we know as cyberspace. damn blogger.
i'm gonna try to remember what i said so bare with me.
i was telling you that i talked to nipper again last night. how amazed i am with her memory. that chic has more in her head than i could ever hope to store in my little frazzled brain. she amazes me. she remembers things we did as kids, places we lived, people we knew. after she named some yeah, they came back to me. but wow, i've blocked a lot of shit.
we were really one fucked up bunch of kids. half something here, step something there, cousins crawling in, uncle or daddy somethings everywhere. no wonder i can't remember my childhood. who would want to? i know i have at least one brother out there that we can attribute to my sperm donor, and one sister that i don't know. i actually went to school with one girl that was sworned to be my sister. thank you daddy. i don't know what i would have done without your busy ass out there to embarrass me.
daddy a whore? mommy gone much? who's ur daddy? who's ur daddy?
well, who's my daddy?
take your pick....

thats all i can remember of the post but you get the point. gotta go for now. i'll be back to see who you picked.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Septic Sucking Life

how do you wire a switch & plug on the same outlet? anybody? maybe somebody knows a good electrician they can ask for the details? i can't figure out the schematics on the damn thing. did i spell that right? i swear, i'm stupider now. (jokes people. please don't go there)... hubby took it apart monthes ago when the switch quit working. thinking he'd be on top of things & have it with him whenever we got near a hardware store. guess it didn't dawn on him that after that long he wouldn't remember how the damn thing went back together. so far, i've kicked the breaker 5 times & got shocked once. it only took once for me to quit. no thank you, homey don't play shocks! next time draw a schematic dumbass!
i've grown 10 new moles
i loved my 20's
i got pregnant & miscarried in my 30's
i quit dieting in my 40's
i'm almost 50.
i've gained 60
i loved the 70's
i met hubby in the 80's
i feel 90
100 things about me? please, can i change about 100 things in my life? telling 100 things about me i couldn't even touch. i'm not that interesting. as a matter of fact i'm not half the person i used to be so by 10's is the best i can do.
the millenium? hello, who am i? oh yeah, i'm the opinionated bitch that nobody pays any attention to. i'm the one that pleads until i'm blue in the face & never gets anywhere. i can make every sense to everyone but still i get no co-operation. did i talk to the wall? was i chatting with the floorboard? do i just talk in the wind? blow up your ass? how much can i bitch at my husband & be ignored? how much can i bitch about my job & NOT lose it? how far can i go with my insanity?
did i tell you that hubby quit his job?
have i mentioned that he doesn't understand why i'm upset about this turn of events? oh yeah,
of course, i'm the one paying the price for management deciding to change his shift hours causing him not to be able to meet their demands. how does a normal thinking, reasonably intelligent person quit a job without a backup plan? i guess he's fried a few too many brain cells too. especially if he thinks i'm gonna support him for the rest of my life. homey ain't playing the momma game either.
but please tell me how do you get your husband to work? if its not on his list of things to do? in his case this list only consists of b, c, d, e. bed, couch, drink & eat. nowhere near w for work.
or even p for phone.
on to other news now. i have to catch jammer & tie him down real soon. his toenails are so long & jagged that he actually cut me with them. i mean literally ripped my arm open in about an inch & a half strip. when i mentioned to him that i was going to clip them he said 'nooooo! aliens do not get their toenails clipped. they chew them off'. i'm thinking duct tape & a pair of clippers will work just fine for me & yuck! who gave him the idea to chew his toenails? but then why do i choose duct tape to tie him down with?
oh & ixxie lost another tooth this weekend. i was not aware that the tooth fairy came to other peoples house to give you money. i thought you took the tooth home & she took care of it from there. honey informed that no, i was wrong. so i had to cough up the pay check. lucky little fart cos she got more out of me than she will her mommy.
ok. time to go.
i suck.