Thursday, May 24, 2007


first, i need to give a big thanks to Mad Becca for letting me know comments had been turned off on my posts. i don't know how i did that but its fixed now. big thanks for that heads up.
second, poor y over at joy unexpected is having some really bad luck & i wish her much better days ahead.
third, blogger is the suckiest. ever wonder why i don't post more often? sometimes blogger just decides for me that its not time for me to post. it freezes & gives me so many errors that i just get frustrated & give up. one of the reasons i'm mentioning y's situation here is everytime i tried to comment on her site blooger decided it wanted to give me an error instead. piece of shit that it is.
in other best friend of grade school stopped by to see me this week! she buys a membership every year (to support my paycheck) & occasionally stops by to say 'hi'. i just love seeing her & visiting with her. we've seen each other through soooo much over the years. i've kept in touch with several of my school day friends but she's the oldest friend i have. she'd kill me for that statement...let me rephrase in the friend i've known the longest in my lifetime. i still can't believe i've known her since we were in the 1st grade. do you still keep in touch with anyone you went to school with? what is the earliest friend you made that you still have? she's one of the first memories i have of my baby years & the most exciting thing about knowing someone that long is she can refresh my memory on things i forgot, people i haven't thought of in years & she remembers things i did that i don't. kinda scary, huh? what can i say? i'm fried. blame it on the drugs i did in the days of my youth. just kidding, i've still got drugs to try. but they say smoking kills brain cells so lets just blame it on cigarettes & be done with the blame game. anyway, its always nice to chat with her & catch up on her life happenings.
oh btw...i also did something very stupid to help blogger along. i thought maybe if i changed my 230 gig slave drive to be my master i could post more often. not! not only did it turn out that blogger is against pc was conspiring with blogger to just stop me all together. i'll tell you all about it tomorrow. i just got my pc back together after the horrendous ordeal i have to tell you about.
thats about all i have right now. i'm ready for bed cos my eyelids are drooping. talk to you tomorrow cos i have exciting news about new treasures i've found.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Prim & Proper

we visited my inlaws this weekend & just for shits & grins, took the kids with us. afterall, they have to get ready to accept being grandparents. all weekend long i coached the kids on mr. & mrs. (insert papaws last name) to make sure they didn't get too familiar. thats what my mil said they should call her so i taught them just that. it really hurt my feelings when she said it but after awhile i hardened towards her over it. so, i thought this would teach her to think before she blurted out her nonsense. the high & mighty shall fall prey under my jammers excellent manners. muuwaahhhhaaaa. he has a tendency to melt your heart. 'hi, mrs. ___, my name is jammer spud pussell.' as he sticks his hand out to shake hands with her. he was so cute. such a big little man. she took his hand & shook it & they chatted about everything he could think of. i sat there like a cheshire cat with my chest all swelled with pride while i maintained the maniacal laughter that was building up inside of me. he was trying to be so grown-up & i was so impressed. he's definitely his daddys son. he's a charmer & i can already see having to have many big sticks around to beat the girls off with. later, hubby told me jammer explained to his brother that he had to call mum 'mrs. ___, because that was the proper etiquette'. see? too cute for words.
at one point i heard him say, 'did you know everyone has a brain?' 'even though some people don't use theirs?'
this kid is killing me.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mammograms Aren't For Wimps

hi all, i just got back from the womans center where i had my doctors ordered mammogram taken. they also did a sonogram just to be certain. it looks like my lump, no, my lumps are just tissue mass. i don't quite understand how a tissue mass could feel solid but damn, maybe that means i have healthy tissue mass cos its firm & hard. unlike my fat. i'm here to tell you that mother fucker hurt, too. she stretched my titty so far & hard that she literally tore my skin under my tit. i had a woman on each side of me pulling & stretching my titty like it was a ball of silly putty. anyway, thats a load lifted off my mind. i've been really worried that it was gonna turn out to be cancerous. hard lumps in a womans tits aren't a good thing. i took the day off & hubby & i went out for lunch to celebrate after we got the good news. yeah, i get to keep both my titties & i don't have to endure any chemo therapy or radiation treatments. man, you just don't know how relieved i am. especially after having been in close touch with my friend i was telling you about. the one that just had a boob removed & went through all the treatments. i've been thinking i'm the same age & she looks healthier than me, chances are i was gonna have the same thing. i stopped by to visit her last week & she pulled the wig back to show me her new hair growth. friends, she was so tickled with her hair growing back & that her cancer seems to be in remission that i felt guilty for praying to god to never let me have to deal with that. i'm so glad this is over for now. dr. stevenson said that when i find hard lumps i should always have them checked out. not to let this episode lull me into a sense of security cos its always better to be safe than sorry. he won't have to worry about that. i am not ready to die & if its something i can catch early enough i want to always know that i've done the best i could do to take care of myself. i want to be here for jammers life. i want to be here to watch him grow into the wonderful young man he's gonna be & see him have children. my great-grandchildren, my dream.
i hope you all feel good & good health is your prognosis.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Thou Shalt Not Steal

whew, i made it through another one. the last kids birthday for the year has gone off successfully. ixxie turned 7 on wednesday last week so we did her party on sunday. she didn't have a clue we had it planned cos, as usual, she was in trouble. honestly, she didn't deserve a party but i can't do for all the others & not for her even when she's been bad. that makes me look like i'm partial to the other kids. which, to be honest, i am but i can't let the family know that. she's the toughest enigma i've ever tried to crack. i've tried to help her, i talk to her, i've been the one that says we need to keep trying with her but she just keeps letting me down. i've accepted that she'll never apply herself. that doesn't mean i won't keep working on her, it just means i know i'm wasting my time. she actually got more than anyone else did for their birthdays. she needed clothes badly but whats a birthday without toys?
are you curious as to why ixxie was in trouble? you aren't gonna believe this one. you know we have a pretty decent inground pool & spend most of our summer swimming. we also have a state park about 5 minutes from us that's pretty fun to take the kids to & let them wear themselves out. everyone has 1 bathing suit. ixxie wanted to take one of her purses home a few weeks ago, it didn't even cross my mind to wonder what she had in that purse. turns out she had her only bathing suit packed in the purse & took it to school. her reasoning to me was a friend at school wears a bra & she wanted to wear her swim suit top for a bra. although before she got to wear it she lost it on the bus & a little boy took it home. the little boy told her he threw it away. her teacher informed honey of all this last week. her school has a no tolerance policy of certain things brought to school & the suit was considered a reason for reporting to her mother. otherwise i don't think she'd ever confessed what she did. i'm stumped as to what to do about this. honey insists we treat this as a theft. apparently this isn't the first thing she has lifted. honey says taking her to a store has become a problem with her sticky fingers. i think just letting her sit & watch us play in the pool for a few days should make her think twice about sneaking things from home the next time. i've explained to her that we don't have the money to replace the suit & if she can think of something i'm willing to work with her but until we can afford it she's the one that should suffer. why should everyone else not get to swim cos she doesn't have a suit? what better punishment for the suit? the store deal is something else altogether. its not like you can leave her in the car these days. i haven't actually caught her at this but if she's done it with her mother i'm sure she has no qualms over doing it with us. unlike her mother i keep her with me & may be the only reason she hasn't stole anything. or i may just not know if she did. i have had her carrying things with her & when asked she said she found it on the floor. i've explained in a store if its on the floor it still belongs to the store & made her put it down. she's not a stupid little girl & its a constant attempt to get away with whatever she can. if you have any ideas i'm open to suggestions.
i have to go now. i'm getting highly irritated with a taping i'm trying to do. the damn disc keeps skipping.
k. later.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Happy Mothers Day

well, the cats out of the bag....or rather....the dead rabbit is out of the hat! guess who announced they are pregnant? if you guessed babybro & his new wife, yup, you'd be right. seems she's due in october. by my math she's gonna have a premie. oh wait! think she might have been boinking him before they got married? & got pregnant? no way! she looks so sweet & innocent & babybro is mommy's perfect baby boy. surely they didn't do this in the wrong order. doesn't life have a way of biting you on the ass just when you think its all fun & games? damn it, even the best of us get caught in these predicaments. a bundle of joy is on its way & my in-laws have no grandkids, this will be their first. i can't wait to see how they handle it. they are quite stuffy in their old age.
hubby & i were pregnant once. i lost the baby at 4 1/2 months. i guess it just wasn't meant to be. god just decided to take it back but i'm sure he had our best interests at heart. for awhile that tore me up. i couldn't understand why i lost our baby. i've dealt with it now but then it was devastating to me.
mothers are special for all of us. even those that don't have close relationships with their mom. somewhere along the way we all realize what a treasure our mom is....or was. i didn't fully appreciate my mom while she was alive. i never truly expected to lose her that soon. i've regretted that every day since i've lost her. i'm sure lots of people feel that way. so for those of you that still have your mother & can show her how much you appreciate her please take the time & express your love & appreciation for her. this special day comes only once a year but we have 364 other days to truly relish her. she deserves every one.
so, happy mothers day to all mothers. happy mothers day to all mothers out there that doesn't have someone to say it. happy mothers day to those that are no longer with us. happy mothers day to babybro's new wife who isn't a mother just yet. happy mothers day to yours.
happy mothers day to me.

Monday, May 07, 2007

School Of Hard Knocks

we've had 4 kids for the last 2 weekends & guess what? we get them all 4 again this weekend. seems mojo can't organize her weekends to get her oldest daughter around when the twins are supposed to be with us. instead she asks sonny to take them an extra weekend so she can have one on one time with her. pisses me off that nobody thinks enough of the other 4 kids to want one on one time with them. i guess thats why i don't complain. i feel sorry for the kids when parents are too wrapped up in their own woe is me life & never realize what they're missing out on. these kids are so intelligent, well, for the most part. i have to admit poor little snooky might be hell on a horse but she just doesn't seem to grasp some things very quickly. like numbers. she can count really well in a group but give her numbers & ask her to tell you what they are & put them in order & she has a hard time. she guesses alot. wrong. i think she'll be ok with some extra work & thats my next big project. ixxie has gotten to the point that she hoodwinks the other kids into thinking she knows everything but when put to the test she can't read for shit. honey keeps saying, 'she can read! she reads to me all the time.' i don't want to call her a liar but what ixxie does is recites. she's about to flunk the 1st grade & they wanted to hold her back in kindergarten. she's just had all those books for so long & had them read to her so many times that she has memorized alot of the stories. she remembers which part of the story is on which page by looking at the pictures. when i hand her a book she's never read or heard before she sits there like a lump on a log & stares at it. i have her take a pad & whatever word she can't read copy onto the pad. first word on the pad....once....2nd word....upon....3rd....time. but she can read cinderella, or sleeping beauty. they both start with once upon a time too. hows that? like i've mentioned before she can recite whole movies to you. her memory isn't her problem. she writes lots of letters & numbers backwards too even though she's looking right at it. i know they've diagnosed her as adhd but she's dyslexic, too. she needs to be diagnosed for that. honey refuses to accept any of this. which just means she'll never get better if nobody will recognize the problems. hubby & i try to work with all of them but its hard to concentrate on any one with 4 of them. last weekend i suggested we play teacher & let snarky be the teacher. i thought that might leave me to help snooky & ixxie a little extra. snarky's a hot little cookie. she knows her numbers & abc's. she can write them all & her name. everyone was ok with playing teacher snarky's schoolhouse except ixxie. she was afraid of being showed up so she showed her ass & refused to play with us. i was tempted to just let her sit out & watch the fun but i stopped it all cos i didn't want her to lose confidence. the more i thought about it though, the better the idea has been sounding to me. maybe it'll force her to learn if she thinks the twins are gonna outdo her. afterall, they are 2 years younger. jammer is doing good. he just turned 4 & has known most of his abc's for awhile. he skips h & i but does the rest great. he can count to 13 without hesitation. after that he gets a little fuzzy. also, he can write the first part of his name. i haven't really worked on the whole name yet. its a pretty long name for a little boy. as a matter of fact i still have the paper that he wrote his name on the first time i had him write it. its something i treasure dearly. just like the first lock of hair cut from his curls.
check this out. we went to the park this weekend. it was sunny & comfortable. a pretty nice day for playing at the park. after we were there for about an hour the sky starting getting dark & a quick cold rain started pouring down on us. it was i felt a drop, then a second & then the flood gate opened! the kids scrambled for the car with hubby & i trailing quickly behind them after gathering the chips & soda & all we had spread out on the table. before we reached the shelter here came jammer back to us carrying the umbrella. 'memaw i brought you the lumblella!' everyone under the shelter just cracked up. one lady said, 'awww, how sweet & thoughtful. thats so cute.' as we rode toward home hubby & snooky were chatting with each other. ixxie & snarky were into their own little conversation & jammer was just sitting in his car seat looking out the window when all of a sudden he broke into song. i'm varooooming down the road on my moootor cycle! i'm speeding round the curves through the raaaiiiinnn! at the top of his lungs. i thought i was gonna burst trying to maintain while i listened to his song. i'm miiissssing all the cars & aallll the dogs & all the biiirrdds flying around. my gloves are getting wet & so is my haaiiirrrr. but i've got the lumblella & i've got my cooooaaaatttt. i'll be alllriiiiight reaaalllll sooooonnnn. i'm cooommminng hooome to love the dog & looove the bird so they beettter beeee reeadddy fooor meeee! nobody in the car missed a beat of their own conversation. like they didn't hear any of this going on as loud as he could sing. at that point i couldn't help laughing out loud. it was just so hilarious. thats when everyone else hushed & starting listening to jammer who was still looking out the window. just singing away. when he finally realized the car was quiet we were almost home & he actually blushed when he looked over & said 'what? i'm just singing.' we finished the ride home with everyone taking turns singing their own song for memaw & papaw.
& we get to do it all again this weekend.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Healthy Feedback

hubby & i both had doctors appointments today. i've been kinda worried about seeing him again. the last time i went in for a checkup he wanted me to have a sugar test. he thought i might be on the verge of diabeties. i couldn't really afford to have the test done & insurance doesn't cover the prevention of diabeties only after you've been diagnosed. so, i didn't have that test done. he never even mentioned it this time. i guess my blood pressure & everything was ok. my reason for going was a lump i found in my breast. he felt the lump, plus found another smaller one & said although i was low risk he wanted me to have a sonagram & mammagram for them. as soon as i have this done he wants to see me again. i don't know if he'll suggest i have them removed or why he wants to see me immediately afterward. i'm sure he has a reason. when doc wanted to check my boobs hubby was in the room with us & a nurse. he asked me to open the front of the gown & let him look to see how they stood up. 'hahah, doc, these babies don't stand at attention anymore'. they don't lay flat but they're a far cry from the perky things i had when i was younger. i think what he meant was compared to each other how they matched. he giggled alittle at my comment. its kinda hard to be serious with him. have you ever tried to say 'doc holliday' without a grin? everytime i think of his name i see him in chaps & cowboy boots standing in the middle of the road with his arms out at his sides saying, 'draw sucka. i got the coroner on call & i'm gonna take you down'. since i've cut back on my drinking & no more soda i seem to be in better health. the one thing i'd like to do is give up smoking but my brain just won't wrap around that idea. i talk to god on most of my drive into work & don't smoke while i'm doing that. sometime after my talk but before i get to work my brain screams, you're almost at work & i haven't had one yet! its mostly when i'm sitting at home watching tv that i smoke the heaviest. especially if i'm drinking. i've thought about chewing gum in place of smoking but that shit is full of calories i don't need. i did get some patches but i'm thinking wearing a patch while i smoke a cigarette can't be good for me either. i know patch or no patch i'm gonna want a cigarette. also, if i quit & hubby doesn't i'm gonna be weak & give in. i feel doomed before i attempt it. anybody have any ideas that might help me? i'm open to suggestions & i really would like to quit. hubby had him doing a little more work. he did some kind of test on his feet that i've never seen before, running what looked like a letter opener along the bottom of his feet. one foot reacted & the other did nothing. he also had him hold his arms out in front of him, with his eyes closed & stepped back to just watch. then he had him bring his pointer finger to his nose from each side & back to touch the doc's finger. he said these tests told him of damage to hubby's cerebral cortex. his side to side functions were ok. not great. but ok. which gave him indication of center cerebral cortex damage caused by his drinking. he admitted they believed his seizures were caused by his drinking & he really needed to quit both drinking & smoking. sometime soon hubby needs to fast for the day & go see him for some blood work he wants done. we explained that with our income it was becoming increasingly harder to make ends meet & we were trying to get hubby signed up for social security & was there anything he could do to help us with that. unfortunately he didn't seem interested in helping us with that. isn't it possible for a doctor to advise the social security administration that the patient can't work? i thought it was all about having a doctor backing you. i guess it has to be more than siezures that can strike at anytime, including while driving a car, that is considered a reason. hubby was declined. we'll appeal that decision, of course, but i thought having the doctors opinion on it might help. its a shame that immigrants can come into our country & draw our social security without ever working or paying into the system but we can't get it ourselves when we need it. i see commercials on tv all the time for lawyers that will get you approved. who can afford to pay a lawyer to get social security for you when you can't afford to feed yourself have the time? some of them claim we don't get paid unless you get paid. makes me wonder how much of your social security they'll take? ok, time to make the doughnuts. later.