Sunday, July 30, 2006

Strawberries On My Ass

it has just been too damn hot to sit in this house & therefore, blogger has suffered. i've been spending as much time as possible in the pool. the only bad thing about that is if you aren't in the water you can't get in any shade. the idiots cut down all the trees right around the pool. doesn't make sense to me but i guess they have their reasons. i like swimming anyway so i spend all my time in the pool with the kids. besides i've discovered these little red marks on my body that looks like someone smashed a strawberry & threw at me. i asked my doctor, (btw, his name is doc holiday, he-he.) & he says they are nothing to worry about but i shouldn't go on a sunbathing frenzie. thats funny cos when we were kids i spent a lot of time on the water. we used to keep a lot rented year round at lake cumberland & when dad got laid off or was on strike thats where we basically lived. we'd hit the water as soon as we got up in the morning & stay there all day long. those were some of the best days of my life. to know that i now suffer from those days is a kick in the head. i always make sure i use lotion on the kids so they hopefully won't have any kind of spots from the sun when they're older. i don't want to be the one that caused them to have some kind of skin cancer. funny, when i was young the only thing i ever used was baby oil to make me darker. now, i use spf 150 to avoid the sun. old age, ugh, it sucks. anyway, i don't do hot anymore. just give me a cool pool or super dooper cold air conditioning & i'm happy.
hey, just to mention. when i had my doctor look at those spots, he asked me if he could look at my buttocks. why? any ideas? does cancer show up on your ass first? i just thought that was kinda strange. afterward he looked at the specific spots that i was questioning him about but my ass first?
someone is having a party tonight. i hear loud music real close. speaking of parties, my niece is getting married & her wedding shower is on the 13th of august. ha! i checked & its on a sunday. i don't have any ideas on what to get her but i know where shes registered so that should be easy enough. shes getting married in florida....i don't know why she picked florida but that was her decision. well, i kinda know why has a new place in florida & i'm sure she's anxious to show it off. show off! i wish someone loved me enough to make the arrangements for my wedding in florida. cross your fingers that we don't have any hurricanes or tornados in october run through florida. i know. i've always been accused of seeing the glass half empty. its just my nature.
ok, gotta go. i want to watch 'final destination 3'.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Try It

This came from Melly.

from this could be fun or this could be a complete disaster. Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me--it can only be one word long. Then copy and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.


Sunday, July 23, 2006


jammer & i laid down to take a nap on sat. i had this really nice dream that i lived in a huge farmhouse on lots & lots of land. i wandered through the rooms looking out the windows to see beautiful meadows full of flowers all around me. my rooms were all gorgeous with the latest home interior products everywhere. the curtains, bedspreads & rugs were all matching in every bedroom & each room was done in a different color throughout the house. it was beautiful! as i walked out onto the front porch i noticed men riding up to the door on a two seater bicycle. when they got closer i realized it was mel gibson riding the front seat & robert redford on the back seat of the bicycle. i walked out laughing at them like they were old friends & robert redford jumped off the back & lifted me onto the handlebars. all of a sudden i noticed the bike had become a one seater & robert redford was dancing around the yard while mel & i rode circles in the yard. all this to the music of bj thomas singing 'raindrops keep falling on my head'. i woke up to discover that the air conditioning over my bed was spitting all over me. could my luck get any better? dreaming such a wonderful dream because i must have realized in my dream that something was raining on me. i think my dream fairy didn't want me to know the truth of the origin of the rain so she created this scenario. of couse, this all pissed me off immediately. i'm a big girl. i can take the things that go wrong in my life all with a grain of salt & continue to function as a normal thinking human being. can't i? afterall, i've taken the last 2 weeks with all the things that have happened to the car & all without losing it. right, i didn't get to go on vacation anywhere because i had to pay for all the repair to the car. i stayed home & accomplished a lot of things i wanted to get done anyway. i overcame my disappointment & went on. i didn't lose my mind or break down & cry, i just moved on. so why is it that when i went shopping on sunday & picked a pretty rust top on a sale table for half price (to match my indian made skirt) that turned out not to be on sale (because the girl wouldn't go back & check the price) i kinda felt like crying? when i got home & hit the up button on my windows & one fell down into the car door, again, i felt like crying. then noticed that the back window didn't even move. i burst into tears! could it have something to do with pms? the change of life? or just my latest karma? honestly, it seems like the last 2 weeks have been one thing after another. what have i done to all of a sudden deserve so much bad?
i believe bad things happen to bad people for bad reasons but damn!!!! i wish i knew how to fix this. i'd most certainly & gladly undo whatever it is i've done.
i know i'm being a big baby. i know i'm being unreasonable. now, i feel like being evil. i feel like punishing someone else for all my bad luck. too bad i'm not a teacher that can take it out on students. i'd give everyone f's.
i better shut up before something else breaks....oops, too late. there went my 2nd air conditioner. now its leaking all over my floor. i give up (throws arms into the air). i surrender.
i'm just going to bed now to cry myself to sleep.
oh shit! i'm getting a migraine.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Fingerprints On My Heart

you all don't know this about me but i make lists. i list things that happens in between the days i post so i won't forget the things i want to post about. i list things i want to remember to do. i list things i want to remember to buy. hell, if it would do my any good i'd list my day to day routine. of course, thats not good cos i'd never get around to doing all the things on my list. just like the lists i make never get finished because i 1) forget where my list is or, 2) i run out of time to do all the things i want to do.
but, over the last week i've made a list of a few things that i absolutely do not want to forget to write about here. about jammer.... OMG, is he too much sometimes. at a year old he decided he wanted to potty train himself. he was very good about peeing in the potty but totally refused to take a shit in that same toilet. when i asked him why he wouldn't crap in the toilet he told me some horrible story about the potty monster that would 'get your ass if you sat on the toilet'. he said 'ixxie told me'. which i can believe cause she is very choosey about the toilets she sits on. when we took her to our zoo she had a fit cause they flushed themselves. the first time she started screaming i actually looked in the toilet to see if she saw something. there was nothing there but try convincing a 2 year old freaked out kid that there really isn't anything in that toilet but water. especially when the toilet troll flushes the damn thing as you stand over it. we didn't push him over the poo thing. better to give him time & let him realize on his own. not a good idea due to the fact that peeing in the potty lost its luster & retraining him really became a job. especially that we never did get the toilet troll under control.
home is fine now. he's totally potty trained & has no suspicion that the toilet troll would even consider living in our home. it helps that papaw has always gone through the house & 'ate all the monsters' when they come to visit.
but!!! we went to the drive-in over the weekend. this is the first time he's freaked at the drive-in. it didn't help that ixxie reminded him about the toilet troll. so, i took them both to the bathroom before the movie started & he started screaming, ' i don't have to go no more'. 'what? you made me walk all the way here & you're not gonna go? you have to go before the movie starts.' 'no, (still with a wobble in his voice & close to crying). 'please, go for memaw'. 'no, i don't have to go.' 'yes, you do. now come on, memaw will hold you so you don't have to touch it.'
well, he did go but i swear it was the most frantic pee-pee i've ever seen in my life. he peed on my hand, his pants, the wall, the floor, the toilet seat & the leg of the woman in the next stall. thank god she had on long jeans & didn't realize it. i told him i was never bringing him to the drive-in again.
when we got back to the car i told papaw the story. 'you get to take him from now on. it has to be easier to get him to pee in the urinal as opposed to dealing with the toilet troll. at least if he freaks out he only pees on the wall'.
next trip to the toilet papaw & jammer headed on up. they came out so fast i thought there was no way they went. turns out jammer decided the urinal was ok, so ok, that while papaw had his back turned jammer jumped up on the urinal & shit!! i've never seen hubby move so fast. i think he was afraid he'd have to clean out that urinal & papaw isn't really good with smelly things.
we stayed for both movies. we made a lot of trips to that bathroom. finally 'cars' came on & the kids settled down & watched the whole movie. between movies though, jammer decided to draw on the back window. when i noticed what he was doing i asked him not to leave his finger prints all over the window. he climbed up to the front seat & grabbed my face between his little wet fingers & said 'but memaw, you love my fingerprints. don't you?' how could i stay mad about getting peed on when he says such cute things to me. of course, i love his little fingerprints. we'll be going back when they bring 'superman' in. jammer really wants to see it.

Friday, July 14, 2006

I'm Feeling Grateful!!!

i have survived vacation without a car. sonny actually came up & fixed it on thursday. it was just so late when he finished it all i could do was take it around the neighborhood for a test run & park it back in the driveway. the brakes work!!!! now i'm not holding my breath for what may go wrong next but jeez, most of the stupid things are fixed. now i have just enough money left to go back to work. you know the worst part about the damn car being broke? it had a full tank of gas. that was one of the last things i did before parking it on saturday to go to our party on sunday. of course, since he came up a day early i got the kids a day earlier, too. all the house work i had planned on getting done before they got here came to an abrupt end with their arrival. you all know what kind of house work can be done with the aliens under foot...none. i did get their playroom put together before they got here so that was a plus. that was my main objective for the week. i guess i shouldn't complain.
well, enough for now. i just wanted you all to know i was surviving.
hugs & kisses.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Pure Dumb Luck

i work at the intersection of 'i'm the most impatient person in the world' & 'get out of my fucking way before i run over your ass'. you hear more horn honking, people screaming, cussing & tires squealing at that intersection than anywhere i've ever been in my life. you can always tell when the light changes cos the horns start BLARING, then the cussing & 'get a grip' comments or the 'fuck you's' start flying. finally tires squealing cos the impatient assholes have to show, well, their ass. on wednesday i'm standing outside sneaking a smoke when i hear all the crap start. except the yelling didn't fade. it just kept going until finally you heard the car doors slamming & the shouts of cheers for one or the other. which told me that the assholes had started fighting. i mean a fist fight over a light. i thought 'give me a break, what a bunch of dweebs'. when all of a sudden things got quiet. then bang. i was questioning my own ears when i heard the sirens. yep, you guessed it. one of the assholes pulled a gun & the cops were on the way. i didn't stick around any longer. that was just too close for my comfort. i watched the news to see what happened but nothing was mentioned so i figure some big shot thought he'd be cool & just shoot a gun off. i'm sure they got some kind of effect out of it. maybe just a little satisfaction. i don't know but what a crazy thing to do.
the week started as a good thing. monday was beautiful & i swam after work. tuesday came & went without any excitement but wednesday with the shooting & when i went to get in my car to go home my muffler wasn't working anymore. hubby said it rusted at the connection. it was loud & embarassing. we got that fixed & the next day the battery went dead. now mind you i work an hour from home so this is not good. thats a 2 hour round trip that had to be made by hubby because of pure dumb luck. wait!!! this gets better! just wait until you hear! we had plans to go to a graduation party for my niece & nephew on sunday. saturday we went shopping for a few things i needed. got home, parked the car & all was fine. sunday, we are all dressed in the cutest little outfits. the kids were all psyched about this party & honestly, i was looking forward to visiting with my family. i had all 4 kids all piled in the car, backed out & hit the go put the car in head out for our party......yep, no stoppy....i just kept going brakes went out. turned out the brake line had acquired a hole in it. can you say gunshot? no, my car didn't get shot yet! but it was fast on its way to the graveyard. i certainly wanted to kill it by now. cos, guess who planned on starting vacation come monday? me. thats who. so doesn't it just figure that all this shit would happen to eat up all my vacation money?
guess who will get to sit home the week of vacation. guess who will want to cry the week of vacation.
more later. i have to round up a mechanic cos my brakes are not something i want to trust to just anyone. hubby is not one of them.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Let's Hear It For Revenge

a great weekend but i thought i was gonna have to beat the shit out of about 6 big guys. we went to the pool to play. all these big guys came in & decided to play football with a nerf ball. everything was fine while they played in the deep end but when they decided they didn't care about all the kids playing in the shallow end things got hairy. they started running over all the kids & pushing everyone around. i kept my brood in one corner until they started intruding in our little corner. thats when i decided i'd get in & run goalie. well, i got hit in the side of the face. good thing it was me & not my baby boy. (it really hurt, too) i threw the ball over the fence. the oldest of the guys was about 35 & right around 180 lbs. he's the one that was closest to me when i threw the ball out of the pool. he yelled at one of the kids to go get the ball. i warned him that if he got the ball back & it hit one of us again it was going out of the pool again. i suggested they keep their game in the deeper end of the pool. a young father swimming with his 3 little kids also threatened him with losing the ball. ok, yeah, he was the next to get hit. the ball went over the fence again only he had a better throwing arm than me so it went farther down the street. again they got the ball back & again they had no consideration for anyone else. the next time i got hit it wasn't as bad. i just got hit in the back but i had warned them. bitch that i am i took their fucking ball & laid it under the tire of my car, parking my car ontop of the ball. i got back in the pool & told them i'd gladly give it back when we got finished with the kids in the pool. i received a round of applause. i took a bow & we proceeded to have a great time. i heard the guys conniving about ways to get the ball back but the look they got dared them to touch it. not to mention that i told them i'd shred it if it came back into the pool as i twinkled my nails in the air. i have some pretty sharp looking nails so they had no doubt i meant business. the cool thing was, just after i took the ball they started throwing each other around in the deeper end until two of them collided into each other. one put his teeth through his lip & left a huge gash in the back of the other one. they got a round of applause. both looked sheepish & left looking like they wanted to cry. later i heard the guy had to go to the hospital & have stitches. next time i see him i know i'm gonna snicker. i won't be able to control it but i know he won't be roughhousing in the pool anymore. if the signs aren't enough to teach you a lesson you can only hope god will. what comes around goes around & sometimes you actually get to witness it.

Monday, July 03, 2006


i hate being alone. even when he talks to me i'm still alone. he never says anything new. he recounts his day to me as soon as i walk in. it takes about 35 to 40 minutes. the rest of the night is spent repeating everything he said in the first hour i walked in the door. and everyday is the same old shit. he does the same thing everyday. day in & day out.
i want a new life. one that won't make me sick one that won't make me crash my car or make me feel three feet thick i want a new life one that won't hurt my head one that won't make my mouth too dry or make my eyes too red one that won't make me nervous wondering what to do one that won't make me feel like I feel when I'm with you when I'm alone with you i want a new life one that won't go away one that won't keep me up all night one that won't make me sleep all day i want a new life one that does what it should one that won't make me feel too bad one that won't make me feel too good i want a new life one with no doubt one that won't make me talk too much or make my face break out.
blah, blah, blah
lil tater.