Monday, August 23, 2004

Bring On The Aliens

this weekend has been interesting. dom was in a mean mood all weekend. punching, kicking, pulling hair & making faces. i can tell he's been exposed to someone new. i'm not sure which kid is teaching him these things or if maybe ixxie is being done this way & in turn treating him the same. i don't like it. i thought about teaching him the term 'time out'. except i know he won't understand just yet. i tapped his butt once that didn't phase him. i told him countless times not to hurt sissy or memaw. when i picked him up & he started kicking or punching i sat him back down & said 'ok, if that's how u want to act i won't hold u. i don't want to hold an ugly boy.' he insisted on being picked up only to punch u or make an ugly face.
ixxie was just as mean except she didn't tell on herself. thus, adding whining & tattling to her list. u can't turn ur back on her that she's not making some nasty face or mumbling under her breathe at u. all of which irritate the hell out of me. the whining & tattling r mostly what u can expect from little girls. little boys tend to strike back in some way instead. the nasty faces makes me want to stand her in a corner to think about who the boss is. the mumbling on the other hand makes me want to smack a mouth. i can't stand hearing some little kid make some sarcastic comment under their breathe that they think u can't hear. the first thing that comes to mind is shut that ugly hole in that kids head. of course, i maintain my composure & try to reason with them instead but honestly my first thought is bad. hello alien! i won't knock u off ur feet with a smack across the mouth but u need to learn in the future that this is not something i'm gonna put up with. the older u get the worse this can get if i don't put a stop to it right now. the curse of the hidden alien is u will deal with memaw. i will win.
i've taught son, all his life, that he would never get too big for me to love or knock out. whatever the situation warrants. 'if i have to stand on a ladder & use a skillet i will always win' is how i put it to him. thankfully, he's never tested this (i know i really wouldn't & i don't think he really ever believed me) just the threat has always been enough. he's never disrespected me or hurt me intentionally. i think he just has a good, level head for problem solving & uses his common sense. now to begin again & teach the new children. to quote elvis...lord, this time u gave me a mountain.
another alien reared its ugly head this weekend. an ex girlfriend of sons. he met her in the first grade & came home telling me that he met the girl he wanted to marry. that she was the most beautiful, sweet & funny girl he had ever met. they were good friends all through school simply because, when dating became an option, both always seemed to be dating someone else when the other was free.
after graduation they lost contact & rediscovered each other in a bar one night which should have been the first clue. they were both fresh out of relationships. she had a son & still lived at home (with her mother) living on welfare. he had a job, an ex-wife & his own apartment. they spent a year & a half trying to make a life together. too many years, too many ex whatevers & too many secrets later they decided they would never work. they again went their separate ways. until this weekend when she decided she wanted to reintroduce son to the 'throes of april'. she showed up first on friday out of the blue with the son that we had known. god love him, he had skinnied up & was turning into a handsome young man. i thought nothing of it at the time. just that she was being sentimental & wanted to say hi to some familiar faces.
NOT.. she showed back up on sunday not even 10 minutes after mommy & daddy arrived. i think she was even laying in attack mode up the street waiting for her prey. she showed up drunk wearing a bikini top with cut off short shorts & combat boots. loud & obnoxious trying
to intice my son. he wouldn't even look at her due to not making mommy go balistic. mommy glared. glared hard every time ex opened her mouth. ex was too drunk to even notice that she wasn't welcomed or even appreciated for all her loud, intrusive not so subtle hints that she wanted my sons attention. falling over everything trying to make friends with the kids while she rubbed her boobs all over my hubby. she was just an ass.
after they left i told her that i felt sorry for him when exgirlfriends like her showed up. she wasn't the first to decide that they belonged together, afterall, and whether he is happy or not is nobody elses business. that he is trying to make a life with this woman that gave birth to his son & allow that son to have a good life. she didn't appeciate my input but she also didn't retain it. she went out the door still saying that they belonged together. she was tired of being alone & had never really gotten over him.
and life goes on...

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

A Letter To Dominic

Hi Big Guy,
I have wished for you most of my life. I've always known that I would love you so hard that it would hurt. To the point of not hardly being able to stand it.
I dreamed that you would look like your daddy. That you would have a bright and inquisitive nature. Curiousity for all that stood before you. Always ready to learn. You'd be smart and maybe become a Nobel Prize Winner or a great leader for a good cause. You'd dazzle everyone with your sweet personality and quick wit. In my dreams you are always the center of attention. You're just too personable & intelligent not to be. Sensitivity & compassion is no stranger for you. You want to help the world and the world responds to you with as much adoration as you deserve. With a twinkling smile and a strong shoulder always there for whoever needs you. You would be the perfect addition to this world.
I had given up on being a grandmother though. I didn't think my dream would ever come true. But to my utter delight God saw fit to grace us with your existence.
What the future holds for you is still to be discovered. But from the day you were brought into this world I've know it is to be a great future. You had to be taken C-section because you would just not turn around. It seemed like you didn't want to let go of that warm wonderful place you had lived for 9 months. Refusing to turn your smiling face around & determined to come out backwards. Maybe you hadn't finished your plans for the world yet. Or made up your mind as to how you would change all that is bad. Maybe you wanted the world to know that it could just kiss your ass cos it had met its match. Look out I come!!!
When I held you in my arms for the first time and introduced myself I knew that anything was possible. You squeezed my finger and looked at me with a wide eyed wonder. I was so awed. It made me feel so ready to teach you everything I could. I want to show you the world. I want you to know love like no other. I want for you the safest, most perfect world to grow up in. As long as I am capable of giving these things to you I want you to know I will be there. When you are ready to branch out & take the world by the horns I want you to know that anything I can do I am there for you.
I love you with all my heart. I hope you always know that. I hope you always remember that. I hope you always remember me in a special nook of your heart. That is where you will always be for me. My Dominic nook. Where I will always tuck the great memories that we share together. The love & the bond that will always be just ours. I pray that it just keeps getting bigger everyday.
It is the same way with your daddy. He has been the love of my life for so many years that I wouldn't want to live without him. We have such a special bond that nothing could ever break. I've taught him to love & respect both who he is & those who touch his heart. And always reach for the greatest levels in all he does. He knows how proud I am of him & his accomplishments. I think he will be the wonderful father that I raised him to be. Now the two of you complete me. I am the happiest I could ever dream to be.
I want you to know all these things. Above all, I want you to be the happiest, most complete, well adjusted being you can be. With confidence to take on anything you want to accomplish. Never to know defeat. Forever knowing you have the support of your family in all you do.
I love you Dominic.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Stupid! Stupid!! Stupid!!!

I've figured out why all the options that blogspot offers hasn't worked for me. stupid me!!! i just realized that all these free options are only applicable if u pay for the site. and of course, how could they stay in business if they don't charge u for their time & troubles. all this time i've been trying to apply hello, blogrolling & picasca with no results. i did all they said but nothing ever showed up on my blog. except some x icon that takes u to a hello main page or a caption with no picture. how could i be so stupid? now i see.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Always Like To Get The Nitty Gritty

i called on friday to see what was going on with the kids. i haven't heard anything all week. nothing was going on but my son was working & everyone has been busy. (this is what i was told & yet, in his defense) like hubby & i, my son works at least an hour from home. that just doesn't allow for alot of time to have a life outside of work & chores. family kind of gets swept aside in the bustle. so fool that i am asked if they had any plans for me to meet our twins. mommy kinda got snippy with me & i found out the real problem in this meeting. rude & self centered thing that she can be here comes the nitty gritty. she said 'i'm tired of everybody pushing US into this. i think we can just do it in our own time. and i don't think that she needs to stay the whole time the twins r here. she needs to just drop them off & leave. let us get to know them without her around.' now, we get down to it. i'm not the best person for her to gripe to because i think she's the worst drama queen i've ever met. but i consoled her to the best of my ability. i would like to get to know these girls without any outside intervention as well. lets face it though. how many good mothers would just drop their kids off with total strangers without a little getting comfortable time first? not me, & she wouldn't do it either. its just her 'it better be all about me syndrome'. so i mentioned that maybe i could get in touch with the mommy & maybe get to visit & therefore get acquainted & make this happen a little sooner for son. no! she would do it in her own time. this time next year i may tell u about my new granddaughters. this chic my son is with has what 'she calls' agoraphobia. where u can't leave the house cos u get deathly ill or freak out. i've never seen any sign of this just that she's a bitch that wants things her way & this is one of her excuses to do things when she gets around to it. sharing my son (with his newly acquired family) obviously is not one of the things she wants to do right away. so i am left to pray that my son will take things in his own hands (& forget about the battle that certainly will insue) because he wants to meet his children too.
ever notice what some women can get if they just hold out on a little bit of action? its insinuated on television shows & in stories all the time. i wondered if that was it. honestly for most men its all about the sex. right? i know son has too many girls still stopping by here wanting to know what he's up to so it can't be for her threat of 'lack of nookie'. could it? he could just get that somewhere else. think about it, that's what got him in this situation in the first place. i don't know what to think but if he doesn't get his kahunna's in a grip & get this done i'm gonna cut loose on him. and let me tell u psychobitch, that she is, hasn't seen nothing compared to this mad momma. i'm getting pushed there quickly.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Better Luck

hopefully, next weekend. apparently, she didn't return the call this week so, we didn't get to meet the twins. i'm disappointed but it gives me alittle more time to adapt to this idea.
now, i have to get busy & deal with bmv. they want to take away my driving privledges.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Dom Has Left The Building

yes, my little man is gone for the week, back home without his mamaw. just about the time i started to post the kids showed up & i've decided i don't want them to read me. u know, i've said some pretty honest things here & i don't want to hurt feelings. speaking of hurt feelings, my mother in law sorta hurt my feelings today. we had a sunday dinner thing with the in laws for hubby's birthday. they always do dinner, desserts & presents. (come to think of it not always, hubby's inclusion in this ritual has only been over the last few years.) i didn't say anything, at the time, because i didn't want to ruin the festivities. for the 2nd time since dom has been borned i've asked her what he's supposed to call them. whether we try to work us all out as mamaw & papaw or grandma & grandpa doesn't matter to me but I want some definition to who is who. the first time i mentioned it she blew me off & drifted on with other conversations & we didn't get a chance to get back to it. this time she actually said 'what we told another little child that was part of our family, mr. & mrs. me'. i have been telling hubby that his parents doesn't think much of either of us 'daughters' married into the family but he doesn't see it. he also thinks i'm wrong about her being serious. she's a tiny, red headed, strict, irish, catholic woman. u tell me, do u think she'd say it if she didn't mean it? sorry if i'm being too touchy. hubby says i'm wrong but seriously, i don't need a brick over the head to get the point. my mom has rubbed me wrong on this subject, as well. when asked, she didn't want to be known as 'granny'. which was what my mamaw became the day my son was born. she told me she would have to think about it. u know, the thing that gets me here is u don't have a choice in this matter. a child is gonna call u what they want to. but it all hurt my feelings cos they don't want to acknowledge my grandson as part of 'their' family. my dad is too wrapped up in his widget (an acronym nickname i've given his live in) to even care what we call him. my mom doesn't want to be old enough to be a granny & my in laws really aren't a huge part of our lives anyway. but i still don't like it. it all hurts my feelings. i want him to feel love & comfort wherever he goes. he deserves to have a wonderful life as do all children. poor baby has so many obstacles to overcome in this day & time, i just want to be there for him. i wish the rest of my family loved us enough to care.
gotta get ready for work tomorrow.

Am I Crazy Or Really Computer Illiterate?

ok, well, i tried to post my pic in my profile. thats what it said where i clicked. but when i look all i see is the hello program. so, i guess i just don't get this linking photo thingy.
don't have time right now. daddy & mommy just showed up to get my baby boy. i'll be back..
and yes, thats a threat...

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

New Family Members

and speaking of, i'd like to acknowledge the birth of Gabriella Mercedes. welcome to the world Gabby. if u would like to go to Yvonees' site named 'AGED AND CONFUSED' u would be amazed. (i don't know how to link it just yet but i will edit this as soon as i figure out how.) she posted a picture of her new daughter within hours of her birth. beautiful baby & beautiful mommy, hopefully, doing well.
i think i get to see the twin girls this weekend.
guess we'll see cos visitation is beginning this weekend.
any advise or input is greatly appreciated.