Sunday, March 30, 2008

Exhumed Or Returned..They Always Come Home

two things that happened this weekend that pulls a community together.
1. they exhumed baby angels remains on friday. a toddler found beaten to death & burned nearly 30 years ago that needs closure. i pray they find her killer & this innocent baby can be laid to rest with her real name on a headstone. she deserves it.
2. matt maupin was shown on television with such strength & fear in his face while he was surrounded by gunmen with masks demanding the return of iraqi soldiers in exchange. he was too young to endure what he had to go through. he leaves behind a loving family, wife & son. along with a community that prayed for his safe return every day since his capture. i've worn his pin, with his face on it for 4 years, always hoping for the best but fearing the worst for this kid. finally, he can also be laid to rest with a headstone.
life is cruel.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Fill In's

i don't really have anything. i just wanted to say 'hi' & tell you that we went shopping today & visited with nipper. i've spent most of my time playing, shopping, hugging & kissing with jammer. he's such an entertaining little guy. although, i don't think i've ever been asked soooo many questions in one day. he's really talkative when its just him & very inquisitive. he's also quite a story teller. you know how the chic in american pie always started her stories with 'one time, at band camp' well, jammers all start with 'one time, when i was a baby' & you know how cute it is for him to have so many stories from his babyhood when he's just barely 5? then in the next sentence he points out that he's not a baby...'you know i'm 5 now'. in such an 'oh so grown up matter of fact manner'. the funniest for me is when he uses big words that i can't believe he even knows at 5. he just tickles the crap out of me. mostly, we worked on his abc's & stayed up late watching movies, shopped alot, played some fishing & gave dog licks alot. and told each other how much we loved & missed each other. just grandma-grandson stuff.
i had a great weekend. how about you? was yours good? go ahead, you can drop me a line & let me know what you did. lurkers are welcome...lurkers...what a strange word to use for an open medium. makes it sound so ominous.
ok, i'm outta here.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

At Last!!!

for the weekend coming up i get jammer all by himself. i think this is to try & make amends for not having any kids for the last 3 weekends. it helps but by no means does it make up for missing him for almost a month. i've had some pretty horrific dreams involving him & i know this is because i miss having him near me & holding him close. i've literally felt lost without him. my grandmaness is suffering. i did get a really cool pic i want to share with you..
jammer does photograph really well, doesn't he? i love the tom sawyer look here. isn't he adorable? i'll be so glad to see him i could just shit myself.
we have a full weekend planned for him. i'm sure he'll talk me into buying him lots of toys & stuff too. he has that controll over me. i know i want to visit with nipper cos i haven't seen her in forever either & jammer loves her to pieces. except for her bulldog that he hates cos of her 'red eyes' his auntie is his favorite. she lives up on a hill that is full of things for him to investigate & he always walks away with quite a haul. aunt nipper spoils them all to death. i'm not sure the weather will allow him to do too much playing but he'll love the attention he gets all to himself either way.
i'm off for now. gotta be fully prepared for my big guy.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hopping Bunny Day

happy easter everyone. may the bunny not shit in your house, may you find all the eggs you hide so they won't stink when summer rolls around & may your chocolate be decalorized. have a great easter.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Cannot Find Server

have you missed me? i bet you didn't even realize i haven't been on. i haven't been to any of my favorite blogs. i haven't checked any of my emails. i haven't googled one thing in almost a week. my isp server changed their message center & it affected the way my computer connected to internet explorer. i've been jonesing for the internet real bad. i finally had a minute to sit down & fix it. turned out i had to delete & reload my internet explorer which was no easy feat cos i had no connection. i can't honestly tell you what i finally did to get it working. i tried soo many things that i'm not sure what actually worked but needless to say....ray!!!! i'm back in business.
i'm still missing my big guy but i did talk to him on the phone & he told me i had to get out of my town. his exact words were 'memaw, your town is flooding, i see it on the news right now. please, get out of there. they're carrying doggies out & you know how mousey hates to be carried. i don't want you all to drown. get out of there, now!!!' i calmed him & explained we lived on the hill so we weren't gonna drown just maybe his bike would have to be chained to keep it from floating away. he's a very excitable child. can you tell? he was so sweet though, he wasn't worried about his bike, just his memaw, papaw & the dog.
i got my tired fixed too. i knew you would all be worried about that. driving on a doughnut is kinda hairy. i wonder why all our tires can't be made of that same durable plastic that lasts forever. yeah, its bouncy but damn those things last like the energizer bunny. they keep going & going.
tomorrow is easter. so happy easter to those of you that celebrate it. ours will be dull with no kids to entertain. i'm trying to get lucky to come up & have dinner with me just for something to do. easter was my mommys favorite holiday & we always made sure we all got together at her house. nipper is planning on doing a movie with her husband. mommy would have been having a cow about now unless she's planning on a movie about easter at a mom's house somewhere. that might have been acceptable.
my sister pj & her daughter are in florida visiting with my step mom. thats the place to be. i'm kinda jealous. i'm sure she's gonna do a big dinner with all the staples like ham, potatoes, mac & cheese, probably corn & for sure deviled eggs. i doubt there'll be an easter bunny involved but church is a definite. it makes me feel alittle better knowing its raining in florida right now though, so even their egg color will be running. ain't i a bitch?


Monday, March 17, 2008

The Ongoing Saga Of Bad Luck

damn, do you know how i hate cars? remember the cv boot sonny put on my car just a few weeks ago? it has since twisted into pieces & now has to be replaced again. i hate the idea of changing over the whole front axle but that looks to be the best way to fix it. at least to fix it permanently. i'm ready to start a petition to bring back the horse & buggy. do you think i'll have any signers? i think i'll dress in a bustled full length dress & tie up boots for show, wearing a corset, hat & carrying a sun umbrella for effect. i'll go knocking door to door & explain that here in the country we have fields going to waste because nobody has horses anymore & we should board our horses on those farms & fetch them everyday to hook up to our buggies for transportation to & from work. i'll give them some speil about how we can save the ozone layer by not shooting gas exhaust into our solar system & the whole world will benefit what with the traffic jams & global warming. shucks i can bring it down to being just a poor simple woman looking to save the world.
besides i think i'll look pretty good on a buggy. it may take me alittle longer to get to work but damn that horse if he can't make it i can just shoot him unlike a car you have to have towed home & then pay some outrageous mechanic to fix.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

My Ass Is Chapped

and in more ways than one. she (honey) pisses me off. the weather (mother nature) has the best of me. my car (cherry) is still fucked. (i have to make this another sentence cos i can't put fucked & god in the same sentence) (well shit, that just totally defeated my own purpose) and please (god) give me strength.
i haven't had the kid in 3 weeks. between the weather & money, sonny has decided to keep them home. (the reason they're giving me) truth is honey set up a meeting between ixxie & her biological father (like i need ixxie..just bring me my jammer) but noooo, i can't have jammer cos he's gotta go with ixxie. why? no good reason its just honey & her ignorant way of looking at things. she's gotta have things her way or she's just not happy. sonny goes along with her to keep the peace. i sure thought he had bigger balls than this but i'm delusional at this point.
the snow finally stopped after we got hit with 15 inches but now we're drowning with all the rain & its still so cold you can see your breath. as a matter of fact i hit a huge hole filled with rain that looked like it was filled with gravel. stupid me for thinking seeing gravel around the hole equals filled hole. i guess the rain washed the gravel out & thats what i saw on the road. i blew a valve stem on my tire with that one. i was lucky. i hit so hard it felt like i should have bent the rim. i thought when a coworker called to let me know my tire was flat that was what happened. i'm riding on a doughnut right now until i get the tire fixed. did you know they can replace a valve stem in a tire? i didn't. it was a pleasant surprise to what i thought was gonna be another major expense. although, my key is now stuck in the ignition so i have to use a club on the steering wheel until i can get to a locksmith to get the friggin key out. this week we have to park off grounds & i work in a bad neighborhood that you can't just safely park on the street & expect to find your car where you parked it. especially with the key in the ignition. i wonder how my insurance company will feel if i report my car stolen & then try to explain that the keys were in it. i don't think they'll find any humor in my situation. i doubt i'd be covered for that one.
so, thats where i stand this week. how about you? are you having a good week? i'm looking for stories to cheer me up.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hometown Wrestle Mania

every monday night is wrestle mania night here in the alien nation. you'd think after new years eve hubby would learn but alas....his skull is thicker than that. (i'm a horrible wife but then he's a shitty husband so i guess we're even.) anyway, last night we watched ric flair be inducted into the hall of fame. good for ric but have you seen him lately? the wrestle years have been hard on him. slobberknocking his way through all the chest slaps have definitely left their tolls on his old bod. most of the wrestlers look like a million dollars when they begin their careers but it doesn't take long for the hard life to show in their faces. let alone their delapidated bodies. i can't believe vince mcmahon received a star on the 'hollywod walk of fame' for his involvement. he's a dork & he struts like one too.
wrestle mania has always been a part of our lives. when sonny was a kid his friends used to get together & play wrestle in our front yard. at times there would be up to 20 boys out there waiting their turns to slam dunk, clothesline or power drive each other into oblivion. i tried to talk them into finding less dangerous things to do but what did i know? i was just a mother. especially when 5 or 6 fathers would join them to be referees in the matches. sonny had this one little friend, his name was lee. lee was always game for the wrestling stunts. he was so little that just about every boy in the neighborhood could pretty much pick him up with one hand & fling him into next week. nobody wanted to tag team with him just be an opponent of his. they knew they had little chance of losing. to this day little lee still isn't even 4 feet tall. i swear it had something to do with how many times that kid was power driven into the front yard. i mean afterall, that shit is clay out there & it doesn't give very much.
i bring this all up because hubby pointed something out to me recently. our wedding photo album....starts with pages of a wrestler named lex luger. at the time i thought he was the shit. in the end he wound up with ms. elizabeth & she od'ed on coke, vodka & painkillers one night, choked on her meal & died. since then, i've moved on to bigger & better thing, like blogging & growing up but now i'm wondering when these guys are gonna grow up. heart break kid, shawn michaels is one of them. shouldn't he lose the 'kid' shit? i mean how can you use a name like that when you look like he does? edge what does that mean? as in going over? or living on? maybe, jumping off? triple h hell hath horney? hop his hump? and last but not least, the somoan bulldozer does his momma know what he's done to his face?
u know, the more i think about this the more i think i better stop while i'm still ahead. i'm gonna step on some toes of wrestling fans world wide & some asshole may decide to come shot my ass. just take it to heart when i say i still love my wedding photo album.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Anniversary Of An Obituary

29 years ago on this day tommy was found dead laying in his car. he was waiting for daylight to go hunting & fell asleep in his car. it was a cold windy morning & he parked beside a row of hedges leaving his car running with the heat on to stay warm. we had planned on meeting at the tax office later that day to have our taxes done. he didn't get to go hunting, we didn't get to do our taxes together that year or any year after that, and i was left to explain to our 4 year old son why hiding from daddy before he got home from work would never happen again.
i've hated this day for 29 years.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

So Snow Sick

i think mother nature is getting ready to puke all over us again. damn, we just got the last mess cleaned up. right now its anybodys guess as to accumulation. the predictions has gone from a mere 3 to 5 inches, 5 to 7 inches was the next report & the last i heard they were calling for 7 to 12 inches. enough.....already! let it stop.
at this point i don't think anyone is taking it well. i know i'm ready to scream. right now i'm at a low whine....winding up real quick to hitting the growling stage. screams aren't far off, seriously.


Monday, March 03, 2008

The Greatest Show On Earth

last weekend was a special weekend. part of jammers birthday turned out to be tickets to the ringling brothers circus. very, very suprisingly i won tickets to the circus. a contest i entered at work panned out...who knew!!! it was awesome & we got a special 'behind the scenes tour' along with a 'pre-intro to the stars' special to meet & greet the clowns & stars of the circus. jammer & ixxie got to meet clowns, try on outfits, balance on balls, learn to juggle balloons, climb on ropes, you name it they had it for the kids to do. hubby took the program book & got autographs from everyone while the rest of us had fun on the floor. (damn, i hate blogger. i just typed 3 paragraphs that just disappeared. now if i can just remember what all i said.) lets see....i mentioned that one thing i really wanted the kids to get to do was pet some of the animals but they kept insisting that 'no, due to the safety of the kids & tiny feet they couldn't allow that'. how we almost had one girl talked into it until people close to us caught on to what was going on & tried to hone in so she changed her mind. i think when it was just 2 kids we could have gotten in but when another 8 or 9 wanted in she got freaked. and i can see her fear for the animals not being comfortable with a shitload of kids coming at them. we saw clowns, some in little cars, elephants, tigers, dogs, stunts riders, daredevils, tightrope walkers, trapeze artists, horses, zebras, did i mention clowns? big lights, wonderful laser light shows. lots of pretty showgirls very scantily clad that sonny had to be careful & advert his eyes to discourage honey from showing her ass. no matter how impressive those girls are. which i have to admit honey was on her best behavior. she didn't go off once but then how can you really ruin such a great night for your kids especially when those beautiful showgirls are balancing your kid on a big ass ball making him feel like the king of her world?
i can honestly say i've been to alot of circus' but this one really gave me a whole new respect for clowns. those guys are really impressive with all the stunts they do in those big ole floppy shoes they wear. the 'bellobration' was spotlighting BELLO, the main clown & he was a part of some of the most daredevil stunts i've ever seen the clowns involved in. he was actually on the outside of this wheel wearing those big shoes & managed to stay on. this thing was absolutely flying in circles so fast it was hard to see. it was really hard to get a pic of without it being just a blur. something else that fascinated me was the stilts. man, how those guys have improved. used to be it was all they could do to stay up on the 5 or 6 feet sticks that they were. these guys actually danced, skipped & jumped around like it was nothing. they were really good. of course, the whole thing was totally awesome & i can't wait till they come back to town to see them again. here are a few more pics that i thought captured the night. hope you enjoy them as much as we did. next time you get a chance you should take in the barnum & bailey's greatest show on earth. it really was exciting. i'd even pay to go back.
don't you just love the fingers in the mouth? they had a great time... can't you tell. i love my gang.


Sunday, March 02, 2008

Bad Habits

back when i was in my early 20's i had a really bad habit of chewing on the inside of my jaw. i know you've all seen it. someone with their face twisted in some grotesque way that you can't even tell what they look like. someone pushing their face around to bite the inside of their mouth. chewing on their lip or their lips all pooched up to the side so they can bite that loose piece of skin thats just driving them crazy. sometimes its just that...a piece of skin that just needs to be bit off cos its driving you crazy. sometimes, like in my case, it becomes a habit...back then from worry. afterall, i was a widow with a small child & 4 credit cards that were all charged on, the rent that was due, the gas & electric bill that had to be paid or the phone that may be disconnected if not paid in another 2 weeks that i just had no idea how i was gonna handle it all. not to mention trying to find something to occupy my mind that wasn't gonna allow me to think about my dead husband. when you bite your mouth to a point of rawness, at least, its something tangible that you can concentrate on. something that takes your mind off of the picture in your mind of your 24 year old husband laying in a casket with stitches all up his chest from an autopsy that was performed to make sure it was natural causes that killed him & not some unnatural drug that he may have consumed or the recurring dream of holding your breath until he breathed. then there was my 4 year old son wanting to know when daddy was coming home & could he hide so daddy could find him every day for what seemed like a lifetime. yeah, i developed some pretty bad habits like smoking too much, squeezing my baby too hard & biting my jaw till it was so raw i actually scarred. it wasn't a pretty sight. i looked like some freak clown pushing & pulling my mouth to bite that hard to reach spot & i sounded like i had a wad of shit in my mouth cos it was so sore. After i got my shit together i decided the first thing i was gonna do was break that ugly habit of biting my jaw. it took me quite some time to break. i think i was living on my skin. i'd catch myself chewing on my jaw & tell myself i had to stop for months. without realizing i had actually stopped i did it. just one day i woke up & thought hey, my mouth isn't hurting. i knew i never wanted to get to that point of insecurity again.
about 6 months ago i noticed again i find myself pushing on my face to get that perfect bite. the inside of my mouth is so sore i can't hardly stand it. i've boiled it down to when hubby went into the hospital. i remember sitting by his bedside waiting for him to recognize me & watching the nurses strap him down with locked leather wrist bands & holding my chin in my hand while i pushed my jaw in to chew.
this brings me to 2 conclusions.
1. i need to lose the jaw biting &
2. husbands cos me to have bad habits.
jeez, i'm so glad its not something like chin hair that i could have electrolysis for. i bet you thought i was gonna say stop worrying, didn't you? lets face it...that ain't never gonna happen.