Monday, April 17, 2006

Living The Lie

i woke up before the kids on easter morning. hubby woke before all of us & it was quite obvious when i walked into the room. he was drunk. he walked through the house bumping into everything in his path. i asked how he could be so drunk already. on easter.
his reply. i'm not.
hello!!! have you noticed how you're walking?
i'm walking fine. i told you i'm not drunk.
come on. i know you & i can tell when you're drunk. hell, you're eyes don't even focus on me when you look at me. i know they call it a disease but honestly when we have plans to do something on a holiday i would think you could apply a little self control. i mean you can drink without getting falling down-smash into the walls drunk.
(getting loud) i'm not drunk.
the kids woke up. time to start the easter thing. fight was on but for the time being it had to be on hold.
throughout the morning every word i said was met with an argument. breakfast....a smartass remark. finding contribution. hiding eggs.....a fiasco. it was one thing after another. i let him pass out with the kids when they laid down to take naps in the afternoon. when he woke up i informed him it wasn't over. there was still lots to discuss. he didn't know what i was talking about. he'd forgot everything that happened that morning.
how could you forget that argument if you weren't drunk?
i wasn't drunk & i didn't say anything derogative at all this morning.
what? what? who was i fighting with then?
must have been your imagination.
i don't think so. you were so drunk you forgot the conversation.
i don't have any alcohol how could i be drunk?
you have alcohol you just have it hidden.
where? you tell me where?
give me 2 seconds & i bet i can find it.
so i went into the laundry room where his favorite hiding spot has been lately. i started at one end of the room & started checking closets, separated piles for washing, boxes & shelves. finally, i came to the shelf that has extra clean clothes that just won't fit into a drawer. he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me & asked me to come back into the room.
you're not gonna find anything. i don't have anything. just come back into the room & stop this.
i don't think so. i think you're lieing to me.
i'm not. i swear. theres nothing here to find.
just about that time my hand fell on exactly what i knew i would find.
except, it wasn't the little bottle i was expecting. nooooo, it was a gallon bottle tucked sweetly & lovingly between the jeans & the sweaters.
so, what is this?
no shit? i didn't even know that was there.
no shit my ass.
i wonder how long its been there. i swear i didn't know it was in here.
ok. i've had enough of this little charade. i actually saw you drinking from it when you woke up from your nap. but now that you've buried yourself is there anything you'd like to add?
nope. nothing.
well, thanks for nothing. its not gonna end here though. i've got plenty to say when the kids leave.
after they left i told him i didn't understand how he could look me in the eyes, hug me up & swear to a lie. thats not love. i'm tired of the loveless marriage, the lies & deceit.
i'm opening a savings account in my name. the money will come from my check but i'm saving for a divorce. i'm done.
wish me luck & if you know a divorce lawyer that will work for peanuts on a payment plan. i need a name. quick.


Rainex said...

Good luck Lindy you
brave girl.

Lindy.. The Alien Keeper said...

You too Lady!!! Facing birthdays are harder for me than any husband.
Hope you had a great day!