Sunday, June 07, 2009

Shake, Rattle & Roll

sonny called me friday morning. i knew something was up. his voice sounded shaky when he said 'mom'? he had that little boy needs his mommy voice. sonny never did use that voice much. i think being without a daddy he had to always be the big guy but over the years when he did use it i learned to recognize that something was seriously wrong. i also learned to approach it carefully or he'd just clam up & deal with whatever it was. he never wanted to be babied. only a few times did he just lay his head on my lap & cry like the baby he was. even when he was a baby. poor kid always tried to be the tough guy that everybody thought he was. when i heard that 'mom' my heart did a flip flop. he took a breath & said, 'i think i'm hurt. the truck just rolled over me. i feel ok but maybe you could come'. all my years of training from him went out the window & i naturally got loud & screamed 'oh my god, how, what happened'? he said he'd been working on the reverse whatever in the truck & guessed he knocked it into gear. it rolled down off the ramps & over his upper chest, caught a little of his ear & pushed him across the gravel. he said he grabbed the tire & literally stopped the truck from rolling but knew he had to get out from under it so he started wiggling himself free. i didn't need to hear anymore. i was off the phone & heading to my boy! i couldn't make that hour & a half drive fast enough. my mind went into several different directions at the same time. you hear about all kinds of minor little accidents that end in death & this was a fucking 3000 pound truck! i couldn't believe he didn't go straight to the hospital but his pappaw standing there telling him to tough it out was running through my head. i could just imagine him telling him how he would be fine & just shake it off. sure enough i pulled into his driveway & pappaw & a neighbor standing there watching someone under the fucking tractor with a welding torch! i said to honey as i got out of the car 'who's under there welding'? and i knew before she answered who it was. i walked up to the tractor & said, 'spud get out from under there! haven't you had enough for one day'? pappaw said, 'he'll be done in a sec. just a quick fix'. i said 'NOW! OUT'! and looked at pappaw & said 'i can't believe you'! sonny came out & looked at me like he wanted to lay his head on my lap & cry. god, he looked like hell rolled over him with a tank! he was bruised all across his chest, neck, ear & back. i took him in the house & closed the door on pappaw. that old man is gonna pay someday for his self centered, uncaring, unfeeling fucking attitude! he killed my mom & i'll never forgive him for that plus this was the second time he fucked around & let my boy get run over! those are both a whole other post. right now i was freaking out & i was pissed! i could have knocked that bastards lights out & he needed to get out of my sight right now! so anyway, i looked sonny over & checked out his pupils, made him breathe for me & lift everything. he was moving slow but he swore to me that he wasn't feeling any pressure on his chest or in his back. he explained how far it went down & it wasn't near his heart. he wasn't having trouble breathing & he was talking clearly & wasn't adle minded. i tried my best to get him to go to the hospital. he was adamant about not going though. we picked the gravel out of his back & i made him take a hot shower & we put some cream on him for sore muscles. he took a pain killer & said he was gonna just sit down & take it easy. then he told me pappaw wanted him to go out & swing a sledge hammer for something. about that time he walked in the door & i put my foot down! i was livid! i wanted to put it down on his face but i maintained. i told pappaw, as calmly as i could, he was gonna go out to his trailer & leave sonny alone. he needed to rest & make sure he wasn't hurt internally. if he couldn't cooperate with me i'd just take him to the hospital for the weekend & he would get the rest he needed there. pappaw turned red in the face but he did go away. sonny said 'thanks mom' and laid his head on my shoulder & just stood there. i hugged him as gently as i could & whispered to him to please go to the hospital if he started feeling weird or had any trouble breathing, felt any kind of pressure or light headedness. i wish he'd let me take him but if anything changed to please go right away. he promised me he would & just stood there. letting me hug him & thanking god that he was alive again.
i prayed hard this weekend, had several conversations with god & thanked him over & over.
sonny is healing ok. he was actually able to laugh about it by sunday but i bet it'll be a while before he's brave enough to get back under a car. if nothing else i know it weakened my heart & i can only imagine what it did to his. that was a helluva scare.


Anonymous said...

What a prize tosser that man is (pawpaw) Bloody male ego has a lot to answer for sometimes. Glad yer boy is ok, all those years of puffing out his chest to be the big man seems to have paid off on this occasion :-)

Walker said...

Pawpaw needs pow pow in the head.
He sounds like a user.
Your son has to stand up to him.