Five Alive

5. he's a liar. is there anything worse than a liar? (besides a thief, but thats another post) i hate a liar. a friend's mother always said 'he'll lie when the truth will do'. it fits. cos it's not like i won't realize he lied. its not like i won't find the brakes that he didn't really put on the car stuck in the trunk. its not like when i go to get the a-drive that he supposedly took out of an old computer to replace in this one i won't discover that there it is....still in the computer.....even though he just told me it was laying inside the computer room on the desk. i might even accept that he misunderstood my question if the computer was sitting on that desk but its across the room piled in a corner all still intact. right where we left it. then he tries to convince me (the sober one) that he didn't just say that. he said that last night. the point? the a-drive is still not on the desk, not out of the computer, not ready to be used. what difference does it make when you told me the lie? the fact is he lies, again. did he not think i would notice when my car wouldn't stop at the light that maybe something was wrong? did it even dawn on him that i bought the brakes because the old ones weren't stopping me? he'd rather lie. 'yeah, honey, i did the brakes this morning before you got out of bed. does he convince himself that he really did it & what, i went behind him & undid the job so it just looked like he lied? did you pay the bills? 'yes, honey, i paid the bills'. then comes the notices that something is about to be turned off. hubby, you didn't pay the bills so what did you do with the money? he looks me straight in the eyes & swears he paid the bills. whatever. how do i deal with this? how do i respect this man when he lies to me like that?
its just another fault i find with the man i married. another reason why i hate him.
it just keeps getting better.
tonight he doesn't even know me. (sounds like a song) after 15 years together...13 married.. he tells me my eyes are brown. he's so saturated that he's forgotten the color of my eyes? maybe it was only for a second & the rest was trying to convince me that he loved me enough that the color of my eyes change for him with my mood. huh? why lie? just tell me you're drunk & can't answer that question right now. funny thing was, i didn't ask the question. we were watching 'monster in law' & j-low asked the question. he thought he'd be cute & answer it but damn, i didn't even ask for that hurt.
later

Pampering Myself

i'm all alone tonight. hubby took an overnight with his dad to visit family in Pa. which means i have 2 whole days to do the things i like to do. take long soaking bathes. use lots of perfume & smell goods. iron my hair & curl my lashes. give myself a pedicure & manicure. maybe i'll dress up in my princess dress & tiara & do some dancing. i just happened to remember that i don't do indoor exercise because everytime i try my drunk, funnier than life, hubby decides sticking a finger in my twat or up my ass is the way to encourage me to do more exercises. i don't know about you but when i want to exercise the last thing i want is a finger stuck up my ass. kinda defeats the purpose of tightening & toning the muscles. (well, the muscles i want to work on anyway) when i want to fuck, i fuck, with a vengeance but exercising is a regiment where fucking is an act of spontaniety.
and this didn't start as an 'i hate my husband' post. but come to think of it, i need to be fair to both myself & hubby. my last post should have actually been reasons 1, 2, 3 & 4 et al.
1. he's a drunk
2. he thinks he's so cute.
3. he thinks he's so funny
4. he jacks off to porn on my pc bringing on the bsod
so on to my night of primping & preening. no bad thoughts. NO BAD THOUGHTS.
later.

And I Think To Myself

i wish i could do it. i really wish it was that easy. stop my heart, my compassion for a fellow human being & just bitch out!! just sit down & pound out the thoughts that go through my head. i've said before how i could do a '100 reasons why i hate my husband' post and i could do it in under an hour. but he reads this blog. am i really that heartless? i can be really wicked with my tongue & use of some strong vocabulary. especially with someone that i know isn't gonna remember anything i say anyway. to put it down in writing where the world can read it & have him know everyone can read it is almost more than i can bring myself to sting someone. sting my ass, smash, crush, pulverize, ..... but god he makes it almost impossible not to be that mean.
then i think to myself.
1. i hate a drunk.. i hate a drunk that thinks he's the cutest, funniest, most entertaining person in the world. i beg him to sit down, don't entertain, don't talk, don't fall & please, don't puke....shut up when he's drunk & don't, don't, don't. just don't everything. i really get so tired of hearing the same things over & over.
maybe if i did the posts & actually laid it all out for him to see when he's drunk or sober, maybe, just maybe, it would sink in. maybe i'd actually get my wish & he would stop talking to me. nahh, i'd never get that lucky. but i am getting closer to posting those evil thoughts. the thoughts that would make some of you even cross the street to avoid me if you knew what evil treads there.
then i think to myself.
2. what made me go off this time? AGAIN? i sign onto my pc & get a blue screen of death....so I go into safe mode & find a shitload of porn sites. AGAIN. ummmm, what don't you understand that porn on the pc isn't a good thing? when do you realize that this is the people they warn you about. the ones that sew up your computer & put a hurt on you? buy a book, dude. don't fuck with my computer. AGAIN.
damn, guess i just started that list, didn't i?
i can't wait to see where this goes.
later.

Timing

hey, i've officially had 1000 hits as of today.
not that i have alot to say but thanks to all who've helped me get here.
here's to a new year of great posts, greater times & greatest prosperity.
later

Need A New Addy?

i have gmail addy's to give away. if anyone is interested just leave your email addy in the comments. i'll send it asap.
guess i shouldn't make promises i can't keep. i'll send them when i get back on the pc. hubby has a tendency to control the pc, so, i might not get back to it for a day or 2 but i promise as soon as i can i'll send it.
ok?
later

Always Something

why does it always have to be something? you all know the story behind the ixxie. the whole she had mommy put in jail thing & always being in trouble at school. well, its getting better. now, she's telling stories on other people. she is in therapy & seeing a counselor 2 times a week. i guess i'd be afraid to be a bug on the wall with the results of these sessions. since her first visit she has included a cousin in her stories & now the little girl has to see a counselor. her mother may face charges. not because they know anything just because ixxie tells them things. all papaws have been named & of course mommy is still in trouble. as a matter of fact mommy has to see a counselor too. they figure if ixxie tells them a story then she must have a reason.
she told someone that i told her how stupid she was. i mean, just between me & the door post i don't think she's the sharpest tool in the shed but i always try to encourage her to learn. i've never said anything to her about being stupid. not even joking. when people tell me (including her mother) that i'm fighting a losing battle i still defend her & tell them i don't think so. i'll go right on trying to teach her every chance i get. she has no interest in anything except television & cartoons. she won't try to read a book with you. she won't repeat her abc's unless bribed. she can tie her shoe but she always brings them to you even when they are strap on. i mean velcro strap ons. but i will always try to be there for her.
at this point i think everyone is afraid to question her for what she might say. except the social worker or her counselor. which keeps them in a job.
my brain is overwhelmed.
later

The Night Before Rudolf

i never did get around to telling you how rudolf broke his neck. he did too. right here in my living room.
ohhh, did you know that in reality all male raindeer lose their antlers in the winter? which means if all those stories about dancer, prancer & comet were true (hahaha) then they were actually female raindeer. now it makes sense too about the names. who would have ever named a male anything 'vixon'? come to think of it, who in their right mind would name anything 'vixon' except maybe a stripper. stage name.... you know?
now back to the story....poor rudolf. he will never be the same. his little head won't hold up anymore. he used to hold it so high & proud with his 4 little pronged antlers (well hers, actually) whatever, i'd named it rudolf back when it first came into my life. christmas time about 15 years ago we exchanged gifts at sissy nippers house. he was a present to me that nipper was pretty proud of. the body held magazines & i had to paint the antler tips, his feet, face & tail. fixing dinner one night while the kids were here i looked around to jammer sitting on rudolf. i asked what he thought he was doing & he told me 'i ride your rudolf'. i asked him not to break rudolf & just about that time jammer flipped straight back off of him. of course, he was holding his neck the whole way down. when he landed rudolf laid to the side & jammer was looking at the head in his hands like he just discovered there was no santa claus. he quickly sat up & said 'memaw shut your eyes, i got a surprise'. thats how rudolf broke his neck. guess i lied, jammer broke rudolf's neck.
theres other things i wanted to post but i swear for the life of me nothing is coming to mind right now. don't you hate that? i'd call it writers block if i was a writer. i think its dead brain syndrome. probably just old age syndrome. i used to joke about alzheimers but i had a friend whose mother had developed alzheimers so i had to start watching my jokes on the subject. needless to say, she didn't appreciate my humor when i got whatever syndrome that took over & made my mouth run before i thought about what it was running with.
god, these kids are still sick. they sound like they're dieing. any suggestions for gripping non stop cough? my dad always gave us hot toddies. but these days i'm sure child services would love to know about something like that. man, time have changed. back then dad gave them to us because he cared. these days its because your trying to kill the kids or something horrendous. i've been lied to all my life. they weren't really looking out for my welfare. they were trying to collect my welfare.
later..