Knock Knock, Who's There?

i've been thinking back over the last 5 months and re-examining hubbys condition. i don't think he's ever gonna be better. not because its not possible but because he doesn't do anything to make himself better. he's been prescribed something called phenytoin to control his seizures. 3 pills to be taken at night before he goes to bed. he started telling me how he was having very vivid, colored dreams every night when he started taking the meds. i think this is what caused him to take the next step. the web is great but its got its drawbacks. this is one of them. i guess he's been reading up on it & found out its a derivitive of phenabarbitol. he doesn't take the pills every night. sometimes cos he was drinking, sometimes cos he just plain forgot. he has enough in his body that a day here & there of missing the pills won't make that big of a difference in the effect or control, if you will, of his condition. i started noticing he was stumbling around for no reason. at first i was worried & thought something new was going on with his condition & wanted him to go to the doctor. he insisted he was okay & told me not to worry but being the bitch i am i couldn't just let it go. so i started asking him what the hell was going on. this all finally became an argument, day after day, until after about a week of lieing to me telling me nothing was going on & still trying to walk across the floor with NO success he broke down & admitted to taking the pills just before i got home from work. after researching & finding out it was a hallucinagen he got this brilliant idea to take the fucking seizure medicine to get a buzz. turns out he's been doing this for awhile so the prescription that should have lasted him till he was due for a refill was gone a whole 2 weeks early. great! now, not only do i have an alcoholic not wanting to give up the booze but i'm gonna have a junkie hooked on barbituates to deal with. can this get any better?
i need a break on life. i have enough on my plate...its beginning to overflow. anyone wanna step in & help? i'll give you an email addy if you think you can get through to him . just let me know. i've hit a brick wall.
later.

Dig In Or Dig Out

i'm so missing the blog nation. theres no real excuse for not posting except for the ones in my head. you know, all those voices going off at once. they just confuse me sometimes. a lot of whats going on is the funk i get in when it starts snowing. i hate the snow so bad i start worrying myself sick for days before the snow is actually expected. by the time it gets here i'm in the bed, under the comforter, thinking if i run one more scenario through my head my heart is gonna explode. i can actually feel my heart palpatating! harder & harder! i have to jump out of bed 2 or 3 times a night to make sure i can still see the streets. if i can't see the streets, oh my god, you'd think i was a crazy lady! its no wonder i've gone almost gray & bald this year. we've had almost no snow but the worry of it coming is just about to kill me. in the last few days we've had 7 inches but it started on the weekend so that day shouldn't even count. except for the drive to work on monday that wouldn't even happen until the salt trucks hit the streets. the news people don't help either cos they get so excited that 'you need to leave alittle early & drive slowly to avoid that accident waiting for you just around the next corner' is how they end the weather reports. assholes. if they only knew how freaked out i get over snow you'd think they'd back that shit down. not! they enjoy my suffering. they build it up, like a huge story. i honestly think they prey on people like me & depend on us to make their day brighter by our misery.
well, misery loves company, honey. they just better watch out. i'm thinking, collect all the snow i can & drop it on their house someday so they can't come out cos they think their snowed in. see how they like that shit.
k, gotta hit the sack. must attack another inch falling tonight.
later.

Flat Out Bummed

news flash.....the snow is coming. ugghhhh! i'm having transmission trouble on top of expecting snow. damn cars! damn snow! damn, damn! i don't know why we can't ride horses like they did in the good ole days. can't you just see me showing up to work in my leather chaps slinging my cowgirl hat, riding my big ole palomino horse? yahoo! thats the way god intended it. damn man with all his new fangled inventions!
so, with my car, its either my transmission or my torque converter. i'm not sure but i think the only way to tell is change one at a time & see what actually fixes the problem. i'm not a mechanic but when i was younger my step dad was. after his heart attack he still had people that came to him for work they needed on their cars. i learned alot by doing what he needed done while he supervised. hell, i can overhaul a whole motor but the only thing i ever had to do with a transmission was replace one.
in other news, we have a visiting roommate. my friend from wisconsin is visiting & needed a place to stay for awhile. he had a bad fall when he was on a construction job there & is now awaiting his workmans comp hearing. in the meantime he's just doing some roaming around. he has a brother that lives here too. that means he'll be in & out for the next 3 months. he brought some good news with him though. his brother may need some help soon & that means maybe hubby will go to work. he's already mentioned this to his brother & he says he can use the help on the next job. cross your fingers for me. maybe if hubby gets back into the swing of things he'll actually keep up the forward momentum.
we got jammer started on the pc this weekend. hubby pulled up a ping pong game he had saved & showed jammer how to play. man, that kid is excitable. he'd get so excited when he hit the ball, at first, that he'd forget to hit the next ball. after a few hours of playing he got out of that & it got to be about how many times he could make the game miss. he couldn't wait to show daddy how good he was & that he was a big guy playing on the computer.
i don't have a lot to say today. i just wanted to stop in & let you all know i was still around. i'll post more when i can think of something.
later.

Chiming In

going into the 2nd week of january & i can't believe the weather we're having. its been great. except for the rainy days thats made the ground a waterlogged sponge, god is smiling on us this year, all ready. could it be that i finally got through to him just how scared i am of driving all that way to work in the snow? i even hate the sound of the word. theres nothing that drives me crazier than the weatherpeople on tv when they get all giddy over snow coming. that makes me want to climb into the tv & beat the living shit right out of them. of course, they all have to live within walking distance of the newsroom cos if they had to actually drive in that shit they wouldn't be so happy about it. silly me chose to live in the country, miles away from everything cos i'm an animal lover. nature is great but mother nature is a bitch.
the kids just left & for the 2nd weekend in a row we had all 4. needless to say, i'm beat! hubby needs new nerves. his are frazzled.
but too cool, i've kept them busy doing crafts with the new box of art supplies hubby & i received for christmas. we always try to keep them busy doing some kind of craft. the 2 weeks before christmas i had them painting a wood carving of the nativity scene for mommy & daddy. the scene was on both sides so we did one side each weekend.
our new craft set is awesome! my youngest brother in law just became engaged to a school teacher & that was their gift to us. (stupid woman but thats a whole other post) have you ever gone on the web to find new craft ideas, though? damn, you have to go through like a million different things to find something suitable. i finally gave up looking for ideas for popsicle sticks & just used my imagination. i didn't want to build a fucking fort...
we all wound up building a triangle flower pot & making our own grass & flowers. jammer did an awesome job for as little as he is. he was very articulate in his evenness. that surprised me for as energetic as he is. i didn't think he'd really sit still long enough to finish his. snarky caught on quickest & finished hers first & snooky didn't seem to ever grasp the idea that the sticks had to actually touch. surprisingly ixxies was the sloppiest of them all. i figured since she had already been involved with this kind of thing in school she would do the best job & guide the little ones but snarky took over with instructions & everyone had a great time between her patience & my help here & there.
after we finished the flower pots, i had cut out butterfly figures & we all used glitter glue, crayons & markers to decorate them. its so cute the way their faces light up when they've accomplished making something like that. their eyes actually twinkle. i'm easily amused with my grandkids. can't you tell?

so, are you curious as to what else i've been up to? i've skipped another birthday. yaayyy, 30 for another whole year. sonny has now passed me up in the age thing. his will be 32 this february. ain't that neat the way things work out like that? i think i've lied so long nobody really knows how old i am. except nippers husband cos we grew up together & he is only 2 months younger than me. he'll never let me forget that.

oh, i stopped combing my hair. i was ok with losing the brown hairs cos i had a head full of them but i've realized that now i'm losing the gray ones & that can't be good. aren't those the ones that are supposed to be replacing the brown ones? i don't think i can afford to lose too many of them. if i don't comb my hair then i'm not encouraging that. reasonable?

and last but not least, i'm going on a diet. about the time i started going backwards in years i stopped dieting. biggest mistake of my life (well besides the other biggies). i look like a beach whale, wrapped in old lady tarp, in my christmas pictures & i can't handle that. so everyone keep after me to lose this double tire under my chin. ok?

well, i'm gonna go for now. i'll leave you with this picture to give you some idea.

nipper on the left, pj in the center & me, the whale.

later little taters.

Too Early Too Late

happy new year everyone. be happy & be safe.
later