Sunday, October 28, 2007

What Next?

you look like cheese & i'm gonna eat you. normally this wouldn't upset me but considering it was coming from ixxie & she has been especially sex oriented lately makes me worry. i caught her with a cigarette in the bathroom earlier. i asked what she was doing with it & she said nothing but it was lit & the end of it was sloppy wet. what would you think? of course, she finally admitted to smoking it. she's 7. do you think sonny has his hands full now? wait till she's 17. scary, just too scary. they had a parent teacher meeting last week & the teacher told them she disrupts class because she walks across the room to the boys at the other side to carry on a conversation in the middle of lessons. when told to take her seat she ignores the teacher & on the playground she's holding hands & kissing the boys. she's 7! i wouldn't want to be in sonnys shoes for anything in the world. talk about the need for a chastity belt. wonder where i can buy one real quick? maybe if we get one now it will actually pay off. if we let it go too much longer i'm afraid its gonna be too late. nipper keeps telling me to be patient & pray for her but i'm not sure thats enough. honestly, i think the only thing to do now is lock her in her room until she's 30 & then step back as she whirls past you on her way to destroy her life. at least you'll have saved her until a reasonable age. you know how they encourage you to spay or neuter your animals? wwweeeeelllllll. maybe they should start thinking about your children & how to maintain their innocence.
oh, remember a few posts back i showed you jammers new smile? guess who it took all of 3 weeks & 2 days to knock it out again. if you've guessed anyone other than ixxie you haven't been paying attention. i remember saying when they got his teeth fixed i'd give her a month & she did prove me wrong. it took her less than a month, instead of the benefit of the doubt i was giving her she worked faster than i thought she would. this time she kicked it out climbing a tree. yeah, it was an accident. got a bridge you want sold? doesn't matter where it is or what shape its in. she'll surprise even you. accident my ass.
you wanna hear about an accident? sonnys friend cellis stopped by to drop off some clothes she had gathered for the kids. we've been putting up halloween decorations & one of the things we've put around was spider webbing. while sitting on the love seat something dropped from the ceiling & liked to cause cellis to shit her pants. it was a plastic spider that had been stuck in the webbing & managed to come loose. on her way out the door the steps gave way & one side came completely loose. she gracefully sat on the deck that sonny just built while the steps fell off to one side. now those were accidents. nothing set up just the fact that shit happens & she happened to be in the wrong place at a decidedly inopportune time. or maybe its just halloween & the forces that be are in motion. i do love halloween. its probably my favorite holiday. not to mention that kids are so easy & gullible. i'm an innocent looking grandma so when i make my eyes all big & act like i'm scared the kids fall for it hook, line & sinker. it helps that i can make myself cry at the drop of a hat. a few tears & i can convince them the sky is falling. even if i just make my eyes water i can scare the shit out of them.
just to give you a little idea of how good i am. we were out shopping a few nights ago & there were these laser lights in the sky that would make a circle & then pull into a pinpoint, then flare back out into a circle. we all noticed the lights & i told the kids that all the houses under the circle were going to be taken over by aliens that night. of course, the lights were just barely covering our house so that included us. we all got into the house & we heard some sound outside i convinced the kids were the aliens sneaking up on us. jammer being the brave one wanted to go outside with his new sword to kill the aliens. so i helped them put jackets on & arm themselves to go save the nation. especially the grandparents that they love so much. i explained to them how sneaky these aliens are because of course, i am an alien so i know they have underhanded ways of taking over our bodies & things like that so they had to be really careful & keep a close eye out for anything out of the ordinary. they never thought to question that maybe being one of them they wouldn't take me. after they got outside we waited for them to get around to the back of the house before we turned the lights off. we heard them out there discussing the reasons that the lights might have gone out in the house & jammer said 'oh no, what if the aliens are in the house already'? hubby & i snuck out the door. he went one way while i went the other way around the house. it was just my luck the kids came my way & i hid behind the big evergreen in the front as they came around. jammer was in the lead. as he got even with me i jumped from behind the tree & wailed as loud as i could. he screamed like a little girl & ran in the opposite direction as ixxie came in sight i ran at her & in the confusion she tripped over her own feet & covered her head screaming at the top of her lungs. like a girl! sissys, both of them. i cackled maniacly at them. they still weren't sure i hadn't been overtaken by the aliens that were coming. then papaw came up behind them & wailed at them too. talk about a couple of freaked out kids. man that was fun. it took some convincing to get them to accept that we were just playing & hadn't really been taken over by the aliens. the lights still going in the sky didn't help us at all in the convincing. but they didn't want to go investigating anymore noises for the night. bbbaaawwwwwaaahhhaaaaa. we have our ways.
k, i'm gonna go for now. i want to watch star trek. i need ideas for the next scare...


Walker said...

Ha Ha Ha!!!!

Any time you can get even with the kids, go for it

I thought you're supposed to send out the old out first for bait to lure the aliens out from hiding.

Yes it sounds like Sonny will have his hands full in time but sometimes the wild kids becomne the quiet ones and the quiet ones are the kids that give you all the grief down the road.