Sands Of Time Cont.

funerals are hard for me so if i seem to jump around its cos i'm writing things as i remember them. i'm so drained right now that i don't even have the gumption to invent psuedo names. i'm just gonna tell this.
to begin: this was my uncle pete, my mothers youngest brother. he was the 5th son born of 13 kids. the last living brother on my moms side. one of my favorite uncles. uncle pete was diagnosed with diabetes some time ago. he gave himself a shot in the belly every morning. he told me that when i saw him at my last uncles funeral. he also told me he'd never been baptised but that he was too mean to die. he was diagnosed with cancer last september. he was a very straight speaking man. he didn't mince words & at times it might have seemed harsh. you just had to know him to know that what he thought was what he said. he never meant to hurt anyone he was just honest. he'd give you the shirt off his back & do anything in the world for a person. whether it be friend or foe. he was a very good hearted man who loved his family, his horses & his dogs. i remember spending the weekend at his house when we were kids & he'd wrestle & play with us like a kid himself. he always has something cool to do. we used to ride mini bikes & swim in the swimming hole, ride horses or just swing on the swingset he built. he was a heck of a builder. one time he put a cable up between trees with a hook that we used to swing on. over the years the trees grew so tall that you had to climb the steps he built up the tree to get to the cable but it was still fun. my cousins used to goad other cousins & neighbors into climbing up & swinging down the cable to see if they could do it without getting hurt. sadistic? yes. but fun? too much! his oldest son regaled us with lots of stories tonight. things i'd forgotten. memories came flooding back as he talked. i'm sure my dreams tonight will be filled with uncle pete & his smiling face. laughing with us as we pull some prank on an unsuspecting victim previously determined.
he had lots of friends & family there to pay their last respects. and flowers were everywhere. its been a long time since i've seen that many flowers at one funeral. the service was different. uncle pete wasn't a church goer, per se. he carried his love & belief in his heart. his wife on the other hand attends a pentacostal church that she had reside over the services. the minister spoke in tongues & did his preacher thing that uncle pete would have rolled his eyes at. those of us that have never had much to do with the jehovah witness belief were slammed a few times in his memorial. he urged us to find the right church in order to be saved. he talked that he had met uncle pete a few times (which i deduced meant about 10 minutes maybe 3 times since he'd become sick) & gave him a prayer cloth that he looked at kinda funny but accepted with a few expletives. but he never mentioned the fact that uncle pete always had a cigarette or that he had a jolly laugh that was infectious. i didn't feel that he knew uncle pete. he was just doing a job. he did bless him in the casket with holy water. i'd never seen that before. then he went to aunt nellie & spoke to her on bended knee. i'd never seen that before either.
i met cousins that i didn't know even existed tonight. its strange to sit in a room full of people that you recognize because you see the family resemblance but don't know. i picked out the ones i was sure had to be cousins & asked. they in turn took me to ones they knew were cousins. i came away with a feeling of being a little better connected to moms family. my family. on the way home i got to thinking that i have 4 aunts left from mommy. i love them all deeply & i probably don't have alot of years before there will be none. i want to keep a better connection with them. someday we, the cousins i have, will be the family. we'll be replacing the aunts i have now. i'm one of the oldest cousins left & when i die i want them all to know me. i want to know them. i want them to exchange fun memories of me. i want the tears to be cos they're laughing so hard over the good times we had & not how they missed out on knowing me.
one thing i can't let go of right now is the fact that my aunt wouldn't allow me to see him before he passed on. i had called & asked if i could come out but she kept telling me we needed to let him get stronger. although we all knew that wasn't gonna happen. she told me he wouldn't know me & he was out of it. i understand that he was on strong medication but he still had lucid moments. i could have at least hugged him one last time, told him goodby & that i loved him.
he will be sorely missed.
later.

Sands Of Time

i'm attending a funeral today. i'll be back to fill you in.

Screwed

blogger hates me. thats the only thing i can attribute the last 10 days absence to. i've actually signed in 2 times over the last 10 days & both times before i could post blogger froze on me. make that 3, this time it froze & gave me a 'this program is busy or has become unstable' message. thats not good. it only happens when i sign into blogger but it happens everytime i sign in. i wind up having to shut my pc down by just turning it off. waiting never makes a difference.
i've also been working on a pc for sonny. he's got an old 466 etower that he wanted to sell but he didn't even know how to get into it. turned out when i turned it on there wasn't even an operating system on it. i opened it in dos & asked for a directory but i got nothing. duh, no wonder he couldn't get into it. i guess when he bought it from his buddy he must have emptied it first. anyway, i put windows on it for him & a virus program. i also downloaded a juno program on it cos they give you 10 hours a month free internet. something to at least get someone started.
sonny has been having a tough time of it. building isn't going so hot right now & his boss has had health issues & hasn't been working him much lately. with hubby out of work i can't help him alot. i'm just barely making my ends meet these days. i'm looking at taking on a second job just to pay my bills. i would love to start up my own business. something with computers would be great for me. i just don't have the space to make it work. i turned my extra room into a play room for the kids.
hubby has been doing surveys online but has yet to make any money at that. since his seizures started he can't drive so unless he works somewhere on my way to work he has no transportation. we don't live on a bus line so thats out. i need to check into the cart system they have. its a small bus that picks people up & takes them places but thats all i know about it right now. i've suggested hubby try to retire & get his social security started. i'm out of ideas & thats a last resort.
how do people make money from home? i'd love to know the secret to making it work. you hear all these people on advertisements talking about how they do it & make thousands of dollars but you have to pay for the cd on getting started & then you aren't guarenteed it will work for you. right now i can't even splurge for the cd. just feeding us is an ordeal.
i guess i better get off here before i lose my post. you just don't know how aggravating its been to write a whole post just to have blogger freeze & lose it.
k.
later gaters.

One Incident

major mishap this weekend. jammer fell off his bike. he didn't hurt himself but the way the kids all acted you'd think he about killed himself.
ixxie came in screaming first, he fell! he fell!
is he ok? i went out the door. he was standing at the bottom of the steps with a few other kids. they were all trying to see where he hit. at the same time. one was pulling on his arm, another searching through his head & the 3rd was trying to look at his forehead.
are you ok, baby? where'd you hit?
i'm fine memaw. i fell off my bike & now i thnk my head is in my brain
whats in your eyebrow? as i reached the bottom of the steps to hug him.
pro' ly boogers.
ixxie came out & patted him on the shoulder, bubba gonna be alright?
bubba? that sounds like a redneck for sure. where'd that come from?
mommy likes to call him bubba.
but his nickname has been jammer for 4 years now. don't you think we should leave it like that.
mommy doesn't want to cos she didn't think of it.
ahhh, what next?
later.

Meetings Among Friends

we went to do some grocery shopping at krogers & i ran into an old friend that i haven't seen for about 6 months. i've probably known her for 25 years. we used to run the bars together & have a blast teasing all the guys when we played pool. she'd lost a lot of weight & changed her hairstyle. when we were younger we always talked about the boob job & liposuction we were gonna have. i hugged her when i saw her & commented on how cute her new do was & how much weight she'd lost. she teared up alittle & she said, 'i haven't seen you in awhile. things have been a little tough for me lately.' that didn't sound good. i knew something bad was up when she lifted the wig.
she started her story with the lump she found in her breast back in 2004. i knew this part of the story. we had all celebrated at that time when they removed it & said it was benign. for the last few years she'd been going to the doctor pretty regularly for her checkups. this past september they found another lump. only this time she wasn't so lucky. it was malignant & she had to make a decision. they wanted to cut it all out but they didn't even know what all meant until they actually opened her up.
turned out, lindy, that 'all' meant the entire boob. then they put this port thingy in for my radiation treatments. here, as she pointed to a raised spot in her shirt, can you see it?
i shook my head yes, i could definitely see it.
feel this thing. its so weird.
we were standing in the middle of krogers & the last thing i wanted to do was touch the thing. you know how you get the craziest memories when you least expect them? i remembered a game my sisters & i played back when we were kids. we'd pull out the christmas catalog from penny's & as we flipped through the toys if we touched the picture that meant it was ours. it was a fun game & i've even begun playing it with my grandkids. only difference is i'm playing the game so they have a better chance of getting the toy they touch.
as i touched the port i tried my damndest to push that game out of my mind. by now i had tears in my eyes & i tried to focus to see where to touch.
i said honey, you can't hardly see it & look at it this way. when its all over you can have those perfect titties you always wanted.
you still gonna help me choose them?
don't you think stevie may want that priveledge now?
yeah, i guess. but do you know how hard it is to talk to stevie about boobies?
whatever, just tell him to picture him wrapping his mouth big ole mouth around them & see which ones he thinks is his perfect mouthfull.
we giggled some & wiped the tears from each others eyes, talked a little more about how we needed to get together more often & how much we missed the times we spent together. we made promises that we would keep in touch better & not let life run away with us.
when this is all over i'm gonna need to go shopping. i don't have an ass anymore & i need all new clothes.
that sounds good to me. we'll make plans to go shopping for you. hell, if you want we can get you a prosthetic ass.
they don't really make those things.
sure they do. you can choose your booty just like your boobs.
oh god, lindy, remember way back when we talked about getting all that cosmetic surgery done? i never dreamed this would be why i would need it.
don't worry becks. it'll be alright. you know we're all here for you. we'll all pray for you & you always have believed in miracles. just don't give up.
i'm gonna beat this?
you're gonna BEAT this. keep your faith & be positive. we've got some shopping to do.
i love you, lindy. you always made me feel better about things.
i love you too, becks. call me if you need me.
its amazing what little it takes sometimes to make a person feel better about something bad. i'm glad i ran into her. i hope we have lots more years of running into each other.
later.

Sharing Memories

clap, clap. clap on! like the light fixture. clap, clap off. clap on, clap off! the clapper! do you remember the commercials? one of the funniest things i ever saw was rachel (a friends daughter) looking at her brother & clapping her hands at him. as she clapped her hands she said, 'brain on'. i busted a gut laughing at her. whatever made me remember that is beyond me but all of a sudden it sprang to mind. well, maybe i do know what brought it to mind. my friend, we'll call her belle, has moved her family back to florida. belle has been calling me trying to get me in on the ground floor of some money making scheme that she's involved in. she assures me that its the future of the internet. its something about tranferring clients pictures to an online slide show for them & eveytime they access the web page you've set up for them you get paid some kind of commission. in her own words, it only costs $250.00 to get started & you won't have to work for someone else ever again. of course she guarantees me that i'll make lots of money cos i have this personality that this kind of work takes & i'm a go-getter. she's actually how i wound up working at the company i work for now. when i met her & her husband they were customers of mine at a major convenient store i was in training to manage. she kept telling me how i would be so good at her company & i needed to be appreciated more than i was there. she'd remind me how i was at a no end job & would never make a lot of money. how i needed to move up in the world. to get my foot in the door at her company i actually worked 2 jobs for a few months. till they had an opening for me. it didn't take long for them to find my niche cos she was in the process of making her florida move & i would be replacing her in the office. that was 8 years & 2 months ago & i still hold the same position that i hired in at. not much moving up, huh? now that i've been there for awhile i realize there really isn't too much room for moving up especially at my age. i don't think the people over me will be going anywhere soon & the only way to move up is to replace someone else. funny how life works like that in the corporate world. oh well, c'est la vive.
did anyone get to see the eclipse of the moon tonight? we went out looking for it but it was too cloudy to see anything in the sky. we didn't get the kids this weekend. (i know aren't you shocked?) hubby called sonny to alert him to be sure to take the kids out to watch it. the last time i talked to him it was cloudy there too. i haven't been back in touch with him to know if they ever got to see it or not. when we called to tell him about it he reminded me of the one we sat up to watch. it was happening at something like midnight & we took a cooler with drinks, music box & bean bags out to watch for it so we wouldn't miss a second of the whole thing. i took pictures of all the people that had joined us to make a party of the whole night. i also got pictures of the eclipse itself. he said 'mom, that was one of the coolest nights & i still remember everything about it. its one of my best memories of growing up cos i got to share that with you. thanks for letting me know so i can share it with my kids.' i never knew that was that big of a deal with him until now. but thats why i am such a picture freak. i'll always have those memories cos i captured them as kodak moments. sometime this week i want to pull out that album & look back on that night. it was alot of fun.
has anybody noticed that winter is still hanging on? i thought if punxsutawney phil didn't see his shadow spring would be here sooner. i don't think that damn groundhog knows what he's talking about. i've always had a sneaking suspicion but now i'm convinced. we just had snow again & i don't think its gotten above freezing more than a few days since he predicted winter to be over.
i have to hang it up for tonight. its getting late & i'm tired. not as spunky as i used to be & 1:30 in the morning is about as long as i can make it these days. till the next time.
later.

Just Do It

does anybody out there watch 'prison break' or '24'? in my area they're on monday nights back to back. omg! by the end of the night i'm ready for my heart to explode! poor brothers from 'pb' can't seem to get a break. around every corner is another disappointment. just when i think they may be getting somewhere they get slapped in the face with another 'sorry, this ain't looking good for you guys'. i was soooo excited last week when they finally got a good guy that could spread the conversation on the tape they had acquired that proved lincoln didn't kill the presidents brother when 'wait, this can't be authenticated'. damn, i knew it was too good. course, thats why the show keeps going on but the end has got to come. you know, lots of people wind up in prison that are really innocent. especially when they are stars on a weekly television show. does anybody remember 'the hulk' or the fugitive? same story just better looking men. and the brothers have both their arms. although, one of the guys, teddy, that escaped with them cut off his own hand to get out of a pair of handcuffs. that was a sick turn of events i just couldn't imagine. i hate teddy even though they are trying to give him a little bit of a sensitive side now. i don't know whether to feel sorry for sucre or decide he's getting what he deserves. i do feel sorry for his little girlfriend. just like a stupid woman to expect the man to always come through for her. franklin has a little girl with a kidney condition & had no choice but to turn himself in to save her life. i understand that situation cos i'd have to do the same thing but i really hate to see him have to hang himself over the whole thing. i'm sure in the end the bad guy can't win but they sure are making it look good for him. he's definitely killing them off one by one.
and on 24, how amazing is jack bauer? is there anything he can't do? i mean, around my house when its something i want tackled i suggest hubby pretends to be jack & just do it. nike doesn't deserve the slogan like jack does. if i had to deal with just one of his days i'd kill myself. i mean minute after minute he deals with one catastrophe after another. i want to take him home & protect him. i want to run hot tubs for him & rub arbonne healing lotions on his pitiful little burned hand. who knew that keifer sutherland would grow up to be such a tough guy?
thats just on monday. its a wonder i can even get through the rest of the week & i don't have anything like jack or michael have going on. imagine a nuke blows up, the feds are chasing me, i get my girlfriend arrested, my wife killed & my kids mixed up in the whole fiasco, not to mention my associates dropping like flies all around me while i do everything i can to avoid prison or bullets & i'd be done for. rip my lips off & sew my mouth up without anesthia. i'd deserve it. except i'd do it with ladylike precision & lots of pretty outfits. hopefully, you'd watch me every week as faithfully as i watch these guys. you could be my guest stars & help me write the episodes.
come on, its possible. think about it. jlo made money acting, why can't we?
later.