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Saturday, November 15, 2008

It 'Runs' In The Family (Pun Intended)

y'all know i've bitched about constipation for awhile. this medication the doctor has me on hasn't helped in that area at all. when i mentioned this to the dr. do you know what he told me? eat more fiber. does a salad a day plus 2 vegetables & at least, 2 fruits count as enough fiber? i bought metamucil to help but omg does that stuff taste nasty. its all i can do to choke it down. i bought some tea bags to mix it with but i can't find the time to fix tea every day. how do english people find the time for tea time everyday? honestly, give me a cold diet soda & tea is the last thing i think of. besides i hate what it does to your teeth. smoking is bad enough on my teeth. i've decided to make a pitcher of tea & just heat individual cups in the microwave to help me remember to drink the met-a-shit stuff. hopefully that'll work for me. all this constipation worry makes me think about my grandma. i remember a little trick my grandma used to tell me. she'd say just take a little sliver of soap & stick it up there. then you can squeeze it out with your fingers. something i've never considered doing but i hadn't thought of grandma for awhile. so at least the problem made me remember grandma & that she wasn't always the wisest woman in the out house. grandma had full blown diabetes 1. she had to take an insulin shot everyday of her life. i know she ate right in the morning cos i was the one that stopped by her house every morning on my way home from my 3rd shift job to make her breakfast & give her the insulin shot. i'm not sure how she ate the rest of the day but grandma had issues. she loved candy & always had some stashed somewhere on her person. grandma owned a 3 story house with a full basement. so besides what she carried in her pockets she had lots of places to stash shit & she was a packrat, too. i used to have nightmares of crawling through the walls of the house cos you couldn't walk through the rooms & her second floor was haunted. i remember her trying to break her candy habit with the diet candies called 'aids'. i don't know if you remember those but they were like caramel squares & they were a diet aid. back then. i never saw grandma eat the diet candy but if we ate any she sure as hell knew they were missing. in the end, grandma couldn't hardly see & when they started fighting her gangreen they cut her toes off first. then the top half of her feet. from there they moved up to her knee & finally to the thigh. mom moved grandma into the house with her so she could look after her. by then grandma had lost both her legs & honestly, i think she was losing her mind too. grandma always complained that she had to shit. mom bought her milk of magnesia cos being diabetic they didn't want her to take alot of laxatives with all her other meds. grandma also had hemorroids. i know that doesn't help when you have bowel trouble. lifting grandma around wasn't much of a problem. she weighed next to nothing without legs but she drank the milk of magnesia like it was the candy she couldn't sneak anymore. so everytime you picked her up she would shit all over. not 2 minutes later she would tell you she had to shit & all day & all night she would announce throughout the house, 'oh lord, i have to shit'. so, see, it does run in the family. i just don't want to have to lose my legs so my granddaughter has to lift me to shake the shit out of me every day.
later.

2 comments:

Walker said...

Drink prune juice.
My daughter thought it was pop one day and she disappeared into the washroom for 2 days.

Rice pudding does it to me.
Probably the milk.
Metamusil tastes like cow shit with hay in it.
Not that i have tried it except that time we were picking magic mushrooms......it looked like a magic mushroom

Tammi said...

MY SOLUTION:
Wheat wheat n mo' wheat!
Frosted miin wheats is the CURE...girrrrl!
Didn't cha' know?
LOl
hugggggs
I guess SQUEEZIN the shit out of u is better than getting the shit SLAPPED out of you.
Been there done that...but...well,it FELT like the shit was slapped out of me,anyways.LOL