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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Stir Crazy

ok...ok....yes, about the night i went to jail. scratch that!!! about the night i was hand-cuffed & drug to jail.
it was the month of december many moons ago in my younger & crazier days. sextex & i were really good friends & spent alot of time together. both running in the bars & just hanging out at each others house. we both had a kid the same age. hers a girl, mine a boy & they were old enough to babysit themselves which made going out alot easier. it snowed a bunch that weekend & we had 4 feet of snow everywhere. the way it had worked out, the sun would shine through the day melting some of the snow & at night when it snowed again it left a sheet of ice under all the new snow. to say the least it was slick.
she lived in a stone house built in the 1800 with a 'slave wall' built around it. just what it says a slave wall was a wall made of stone built by the slaves back in those days. the house was at the top of a big winding hill & the slave wall circled the perimeter of the land & ran the whole length of the driveway on both sides.
we were bored. hell, we were stir crazy & talked on the phone several times cos it was too bad out to be on the road. unless you had a really good reason. over the course of our weekend we were getting very restless. we were coming up with really good reasons to be out on that bad, bad road. like the kids needed company to work off their bottled energy. i needed milk & had to go to the store. she needed cigarettes & was for sure going out. we both needed a drink. so, it was decided since my car started & hers didn't i would make the run for us both & come on down to visit. by sunday the roads had been salted & plowed so it wasn't soooo bad that i couldn't chance it.
well, me & young sonny piled into the car with some blankets (just in case) & headed out to the store. the roads really weren't all that bad but the suburb i live in was slick as snot & so was all the driveways, walkways & parking lots. oh yeah, and her hill. we got half way up the damn thing & couldn't go any farther. sonny chalked the car & we walked the other half of the driveway. after a few hours of talking, visiting & kicking around the idea of doing something, sextex & i decided to go out. we got all dolled up & headed to the bar for a few hours of adult company. little did i know that the 5 hours we hung out had given my car ample time to slide all the way down the hill ending up on the slave wall at the bend in the driveway. and man was it stuck!!! the wall of the driveway had snow piled up high against it so the car had kind of a ramp lifting it up onto the wall. the bumper was literally caught on the wall. being the analytical kind of women we were & desperately wanting to go out we decided to walk to the nearest bar & engage some fellows to lift the car off the wall. come on, we couldn't destroy the artwork that was her slave wall. that & the bar was only 4 blocks away. so off we went. pissing & moaning about everything but giggling the whole way. cos we were out! we had escaped! i even remember saying 'i'm ready to go get wild & crazy'. wild & crazy it did get. to this day i'm not allowed to use that phrase in sextexs' company. the first bar we got to was almost empty. it consisted of the barmaid & an old lady sitting at the bar ragging on men, a young hot guy that we didn't know & some old geezer we did know. the young hottie & the geezer did know each other though & we talked them into going to the next bar for more excitement. naturally they offered us a lift after learning of our car tragedy.
the next bar was definitely more promising. there was a live band & lots of available men to use our womanly wiles on. within an hour we had 8 guys lined up ready to help save the wall & releave my car of its shackles. as we exited the bar i noticed a beer can sitting on top of the car that we were being ushered into. i didn't give it a thought. i didn't notice the traffic or the cop cruising by. i reached up & grabbed the can, crunching it & dropped it in the floorboard of the back seat.
ssscccrrreeeaaaccchhhhhh!!!!!! tires screamed & red & blue flashing lights flashed & a cop was yelling 'step away from the car'. 'where's the beer?' all hands went into the air. nobody had a beer so we were kind of at a loss as to what he wanted. he repeated 'where's the beer'? we just looked at each other & back at him not really saying anything. he yelled 'there was just a beer can sitting on top of this car. where did it go to?' thats when it dawned on me that he was talking about the can i crunched. so i answered, 'none of us had a beer but there was one on top of the car. i crunched it & its in the back on the floor.' he came over with his flashlight & acting all superior pulled the smashed can out. 'you wanna step over to the car, ma'am? can i see your drivers license?' 'officer i'm not driving & the can wasn't mine'. 'i said, can i see your drivers license, ma'am'. 'sure.' so i gave him my license & he went to sit in the car asking me to stand right there. as he did he pulled the door a little so i couldn't hear what he was saying & reached for his mike. i heard my name & open container. the longer i stood there the madder i was getting. finally, i reached over & pulled the door open. i said 'excuse me, i told you that wasn't my beer & i wasn't driving. what could you possibly need my license for?' he jumped out of that car & spun me around so fast i didn't know what hit me. i stomped my foot in protest & asked again, 'what are you doing' as he slapped handcuffs on my wrist. 'taking you to jail for open container.' 'but it wasn't my can. its even empty i just crunched it to throw it away.' he didn't want to hear anything i had to say. he was even more stir crazy than we were & wanted some excitement.
off to jail we went. he processed me, patted me down & put me in an 7 x 10 jail cell. the cell had a bed, a sink & a toilet. i sat on the bed then flushed the toilet. then i turned on the sink. there was just a little trickle coming out so i turned it off & flushed the toilet again. turned out flushing the toilet was the most fun thing i found to do. everytime it filled i flushed it again. finally a different cop came in & asked why i kept flushing the toilet & i told him that being in jail was kinda making me sick. they left me alone until morning & i flushed the toilet, everytime it filled, until morning. they gave me a court day the next morning & drove me to my car. which the guys had lifted off the wall & was waiting for me to hop in & take off.
needless to say the charges were dismissed & the judge even thanked me for not littering the streets after seeing the condition of the can. i never saw that over zealous cop in the city again. but that was my night in jail.
now i have to go to bed. my eyes are getting heavy.
later gaters.

2 comments:

Rainex said...

You rebel you!
I thought you
were going to say
something terrible!
Really liked your
post-made me laugh.

Lindy.. The Alien Keeper said...

Thank you Rainex. You know when you have something to post that you just know is funny but when you actually put it down on paper it just doesn't come out that funny? It's nice to know sometimes someone gets a chuckle.