Saturday, September 19, 2009

Bad Mamaw

a grandparents day is set up by the kids school every year. i love to go to these things. it makes the kids feel so important. they introduce you to all their friends & teachers. they show you their work & make you a card or clay ashtray. something from their art class. you get to have lunch with them & sit with them in the auditorium for a nice chat. in other words they mostly get to show their ass for the day with no consequences.
honey mentioned on the phone that she had the invitations (made by the kids) & would bring them to us when they dropped the kids off on friday. she said the special day was on friday the 18th for both of them. these grandparents day are usually all on the same day. i think that is a protection for the teachers sanity so they only have to put up with the little heathens showing their asses one day out of the year. like thats gonna happen, right? something i wasn't made aware of: this year jammer & ixxie are in separate schools so the special day was different for each of them. jammers was actually on the day we received the invitation sealed in an envelope & he was disappointed in us. when he came in he said, 'memaw! pappaw! (with his bottom lip stuck how so far he could've tripped on it) how come you didn't come to my grandparents day? i walked into the auditorium looking for my grandparents & they weren't there! i was so disappointed'! i said 'no jammer, its next weekend'! honey handed me the invitations & sure enough jammers was that day. oh how my heart squeezed & broke right on the spot. i looked at honey & said, 'i'm pissed at you'! she did that little blink-blink thing & said, 'i really didn't know'. why? why if you dont know something do you say whatever you assume to be? why wouldn't you make sure of something before you open your unintelligent mouth? she called to let me know as soon as she got the notice but never bothered to open the damn thing to find out when it was. ix had told her she had grandparents day on the 18th & honey just took it for granted that meant both kids wthout even looking at the notices. i hugged jammer & apologized over & over. i promised him we'd do something to make it up to him. he said it was all right & patted my back making me feel that much smaller. such a big guy. i could just imagine his disbelief when he scanned that big room & truly came up with no grandparents there to participate in his big his little heart must have plummeted when the realization sunk in that we really weren't there. special things like this really mean such a big thing to little guys like him. all week i thought about how disappointed my poor little jammer must have been. all week i kicked myself for not making honey open the papers to make sure. all week i just felt like such a shitty gramma. i couldn't get that picture out of my mind.
i took the day off this past friday so we could go to ixxie's school. we did lunch with her & met her friends, teachers & principal. we went to her book sale & bought her books & walked the halls of her school with her. she was in heaven. the whole time i kept thinking how jammer had missed out on all this. how here i was for my step granddaughter but i wasn't there for my own flesh & blood. don't take that wrong because i feel bad enough about thinking it. but honestly, it was tearing me up that i missed my baby boys day. i think we've done a great job making ix feel like a true part of our family. i don't believe she ever feels like she's not as loved as the rest of the kids. nobody ever says anything about her not being a true grandchild. even when we introduce the kids we never mention that she's not ours. people have told me how she looks like sonny & we never correct the assumption that she's his own child. when we met ix she was 3 years old & a very backward child. at family functions she'd crawl under a table & cry that she didn't want to be there. she didn't like being around strangers. (a stunt her mother always pulls to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do so the apple wasn't falling far from the tree) our families would all do whatever it took to make her feel comfortable. part of the gang. it took a few years but we finally pulled her out of whatever hole she had been living in. she doesn't even remember those days now. she doesn't remember that she hasn't always been a part of this loving circle of family. my sisters & brother & hubbys brothers are all her aunts & uncles. no one would have it any different. i guess i'll go to hell for it but deep down in my heart i was just dying that i was smiling at all ix's friends & teachers making her day just wonderful while jammer was sitting in his classroom with his special day behind him & the emptiness of no memories to take away from his day with his grandparents. bad memaw! bad, bad memaw! i couldn't live with myself. hubby saw the dilemma i was in. he knew how my heart was breaking that we let jammer down. he surprised even me by calling jammers school. he asked if we couldn't stop by to surprise him & bring homemade cookies. they were glad to work with us so after we finished with ix we joined jammer at lunch. when we walked into the cafateria he jumped up waving his arms like crazy & yelled, 'memaw! pappaw!' we met his friends & we met with his teacher after they were all finished, took him a book from ix's book sale, signed him out of school so he didn't have to ride the bus home & went back to collect ixxie. we made his special day even more special because it was such a surprise for us to show up.
oh, i almost forgot. when we got there his principal came out of the office to escort us to the cafateria. he shook our hands & told us 'jammer is a special little guy & a daily tickle for him'. he laughed as he told us he had a story for us. apparently, jammer had gotten busted throwing paper out of the school bus window. he was given a note to take home to mom & dad for a signature letting them know what he was in trouble for. seems that the note never was returned so the principal called mom & dad to find out why they didn't send the signed note back. the note they never received. mr. wright caught jammer in the hall that morning to ask him about the note. jammers explanation? the note was caught by a breeze coming through the bus & flew out the window! he chuckled & said, 'we get alot of stories, you know, the dog ate my homework kinda thing but he's an original. definately gives me a laugh on a regular basis'. he lowered his voice & said, 'i think he's my most favorite student ever'!


hubby said...

We also gave an apple to the teacher

Anonymous said...

Aww Lindy don't beat yourself up over it - it happens sometimes. You'll naturally feel worse than Jammer about it! Bloody hell - hubby did something right for a change!