Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Sensitive & Loving

we watched 'sam i am' this weekend. my big bad tough son actually had to leave the room cos this movie got to him so bad it made him cry. i couldn't believe it when i looked over & saw tears streaming down his face. i just said 'i love u, big goof' & he looked at me with such compassion that it shocked me. i know he's a good kid & loves jesus but he always acts so tough. its good to know that down deep his compassion for others hurting still gets to him. and i think its good for all of us to let go & cry once in awhile. spiritually cleansing. u know?
ixxie has gotten to me even a little more. she told me that she 'broke dominic' & laughed. i still see nothing funny about it. and i still want to spank her....i need to get over it or its gonna eat me up. but the little guy is so sweet & it just breaks my heart that i can't protect him from everything that he's gonna have to deal with. theres so much now a days that u have to teach kids. the last thing they need is a threat in their own home. i'm afraid sissy has a mean streak that we may not be able to control. she hoards all toys. whether they belong to her or him doesn't matter. if she sees him looking at a toy that he may want she runs to beat him to it & won't let him have it. if she sees him standing on a blanket or something she won't hesitate to yank it from under him. what i've seen lately is her letting her hair fall into her face so u can't see the look she's giving u. what i glimpse is an evil i hate u look, like she could just spit on u. she's a hard headed kid & it's gonna take alot to change her attitude. wish us luck. and pray that she doesn't kill us all in our sleep someday.