Sunday, July 23, 2006


jammer & i laid down to take a nap on sat. i had this really nice dream that i lived in a huge farmhouse on lots & lots of land. i wandered through the rooms looking out the windows to see beautiful meadows full of flowers all around me. my rooms were all gorgeous with the latest home interior products everywhere. the curtains, bedspreads & rugs were all matching in every bedroom & each room was done in a different color throughout the house. it was beautiful! as i walked out onto the front porch i noticed men riding up to the door on a two seater bicycle. when they got closer i realized it was mel gibson riding the front seat & robert redford on the back seat of the bicycle. i walked out laughing at them like they were old friends & robert redford jumped off the back & lifted me onto the handlebars. all of a sudden i noticed the bike had become a one seater & robert redford was dancing around the yard while mel & i rode circles in the yard. all this to the music of bj thomas singing 'raindrops keep falling on my head'. i woke up to discover that the air conditioning over my bed was spitting all over me. could my luck get any better? dreaming such a wonderful dream because i must have realized in my dream that something was raining on me. i think my dream fairy didn't want me to know the truth of the origin of the rain so she created this scenario. of couse, this all pissed me off immediately. i'm a big girl. i can take the things that go wrong in my life all with a grain of salt & continue to function as a normal thinking human being. can't i? afterall, i've taken the last 2 weeks with all the things that have happened to the car & all without losing it. right, i didn't get to go on vacation anywhere because i had to pay for all the repair to the car. i stayed home & accomplished a lot of things i wanted to get done anyway. i overcame my disappointment & went on. i didn't lose my mind or break down & cry, i just moved on. so why is it that when i went shopping on sunday & picked a pretty rust top on a sale table for half price (to match my indian made skirt) that turned out not to be on sale (because the girl wouldn't go back & check the price) i kinda felt like crying? when i got home & hit the up button on my windows & one fell down into the car door, again, i felt like crying. then noticed that the back window didn't even move. i burst into tears! could it have something to do with pms? the change of life? or just my latest karma? honestly, it seems like the last 2 weeks have been one thing after another. what have i done to all of a sudden deserve so much bad?
i believe bad things happen to bad people for bad reasons but damn!!!! i wish i knew how to fix this. i'd most certainly & gladly undo whatever it is i've done.
i know i'm being a big baby. i know i'm being unreasonable. now, i feel like being evil. i feel like punishing someone else for all my bad luck. too bad i'm not a teacher that can take it out on students. i'd give everyone f's.
i better shut up before something else breaks....oops, too late. there went my 2nd air conditioner. now its leaking all over my floor. i give up (throws arms into the air). i surrender.
i'm just going to bed now to cry myself to sleep.
oh shit! i'm getting a migraine.