The Beat Goes On

oh yeah, its only just begun. he's definetly home & cheese & rice is he ever in a mood!!! since we walked out of the hospital everything has had to be his way. right now i'm kinda letting him get away with it because i don't want to stress test him just yet. he's always been really controlling but i can hold my own with him. after all, i've ran my own life for enough years alone that i don't need lessons. i drive the way i want, i take the route i want & i use my mouth the way i want. my sperm donor hasn't even tried to tell me what to do for 30+ years. what makes men think they're our boss? where is it written in gold that they know better than a woman? no place that i can think of (that counts with me). i thought i taught him that a long time ago. looks like my job has just started all over again. man, that was a tough job. i hate to go through it again. what was i thinking? now that i think about it, is that job ever really over? there's always been some man that needs a good lesson whether its a guy on the street being lewd or a guy i have to work with being bossy. mostly, i can pull it off without them even knowing what i'm up to but sometimes i've just had to put it out there on the table to make them realize that this just isn't working for me. vocabulary is a great weapon but i like to keep it simple. what they don't know won't hurt them.
guys you know i'm kidding here, right? i mean sweet, precious, loving, kind little ole lindy could never be that domineering & cunning? could she? what the fuck ever!
its not just with me either.
sonny dropped the kids off about 7 last night & he's been in a tizzie since. its like everything they say & do has to be corrected or controlled. they are just kids. they are gonna act out. try to convince him to just let them be kids & keep his nose out of it is like pulling teeth. every suggestion i make turns into an attitude.
if he was a kid i'd turn the bully loose on him to knock that attitude out of him. hell, i'd be the bully just so i could knock the shit out of him.
our 'time out' corner is getting the use of a lifetime.
jammer is pushing his luck. he's done everything he can to stand against him. is it just a man thing or does hubby drop to some level of child when jammer is around? i'm leaning towards a little of both. they've always butted heads & i do mean literally! jammer has slammed him pretty hard. one time to the point that he swore jammer broke his nose.
i think i'm rambling. i think i'm losing my mind.
if ixxie doesn't stay off the floor i'm gonna hurt her. she needs therapy. everytime i look at her she's on the floor getting someone to climb on top of her. i didn't need that much sex until i was like 19. she's 6. man, i'm glad i'm not her mother. she'll be pregnant by 12. i just looked into the play room & she's got amandas foot between her legs. please don't ask me to describe what she was asking her to do with it. can i braid her hair tighter? maybe that will put a kink in her 'sex' section of her brain. can you lobotimize the sex out of a brain? doctor, what are you doing with that ice pick? nothing my dear, just lay back & it'll all be over in a minute.
aaaahhhhhhhh.
anyway, the pills are working, i guess. he doesn't feel anything different. as mean as he's been there's still no head spins or spitting pea soup. he hasn't mentioned drinking, so far, since we left the hospital. the last time we talked about it was when he was getting ready to be released from the hospital. he said he'd be able to drink beer but would just have to stay away from the vodka. i told him that wouldn't work for me. (i had just mentioned my plans to divorce him the wednesday before all this started.) in my little tantrum i told him that if he was gonna start even drinking beer again i was gonna go ahead with my divorce plans. so far, he's stuck to it & not even looked at a beer. we stopped by a friends house today that was having a yard sale. the guy offered him a beer & he turned it down. i know what that took. it made me proud of him. maybe this will work afterall.
well, what am i gonna have to bitch about if not him? oh, don't worry, it'll still be him just not the drinking part of him. there's still lots left that i haven't posted, you'll see.
the aliens must be at it. papaw is screaming again. guess i better go make the peace.
i am the leader that everyone asks to be taken to, don't you know.
later.