Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Big D Is On

to beta or not to beta. i've mentioned before that i'm dying to try it. well, the smartest woman in the world, ML, suggested i try it somewhere else & i did. i'll let you know one way or the other when i make my decision. i'm still practising right now. i know i like the drag & drop aspect of it. theres still lots of issues that they're not sure about like you can't load pictures from flickr or other 3rd party sites. nothing that bothers me. i have my pics saved on my pc.
i went into work today. my back isn't 100% & my neck still hurts but i've lived with the backache for a long time. thats part of getting old, i guess. i still had to put my desk together. everything there seems to be working out fine. i think this was a good move. its closer to the front of the parking lot so not so far to walk but farther from my smoking area. dear god, help me, here comes hubby honing in on me to get a kiss goodnight. have you ever noticed when someone gets drunk they can't hold their head still? he kinda reminds me of a slow witted bobblehead. not to mention the body sway he gets going on. and you know what? i've typed all this while he's still making his way to me. with his little bobblehead thingy going on. when he finally makes it to me he'll miss my lips & kiss my nose cos he can't focus that close. if i don't hold him up he'll probably fall into me when he bends over. if i was standing up i swear i'd move to the side & let him fall all the way down. for those of you that are curious, yes, the drunk is back. only worse, if thats possible. he's doing at least 2 bottles of vodka a day & i can't begin to tell you how much beer he drinks. all evidence of alcohol is gone by the time i get home. considering i'm at work & out of the house for 10 hours a day. last week my friend told me he walked to the store first thing every morning right after i left. he's working about 2 days a week, if i'm lucky, giving him plenty of time to find all new hiding places. we've always kept a change jar so i know where he's getting the money. lately, i've been leaving my change at work locked in my drawer. no sense in trying to save it at home if he won't leave it alone. i'll never have anything with this man. he thinks i'm just talking through my ass about divorcing him. i've made up my mind though, that nothing can be as bad as watching him kill himself. i'd rather live in a roach infested crack house with nothing than live like this. i know when i leave he won't pay the bills so i'll still wind up supporting him in the long run if i ever want electricty in my name or a phone. of course, i could go ahead & turn everything off but then i'm committed. (i just thought of that) the only thing i've decided so far is to open a new savings account. thats the first step in getting the money together. i really don't care anymore what he takes half of. the only things i care about are my dog, my bird, my albums & pictures. i worry everyday when i leave for work about coming home to a dead animal or a burned down home. i'm thinking maybe i'll go ahead & get my albums out of here, my sister or mom will hang onto them for me. nipper already has most of my pics. just so happened about a month ago she asked me if she could go through them cos she has no pics of her as a child & i do. strange how things like that work out, isn't it? well, i'm tired of thinking tonight.