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Monday, November 06, 2006

Suggestions?

well, i woke up with great aunt rosie. the first few days are murder. to see the mess you'd swear someone had been murdered too. my back & legs are aching so bad i couldn't hardly walk. the wonderful cramps that come with all of it are to die for too! anyone know why god cursed us with this monthly ritual? how come the men couldn't have this, too? at least that would be fair. well, a little bit more fair anyway. it could be something we share & could talk about. right?
to say the least, i didn't make it to work today. i spent the day in bed & only got up to take more ibuprofen.
i need to get me in a better place. better health, better mind, just better everything all together. my entire stability is at stake here.
i hate my life. i hate my feelings, i hate my husband & i hate my mind. my mind being my worst enemy. when i wake up & hurt like this i want to invest in a total body workover.
i could have a face lift, lyposuction, a tummy tuck, lobotomy & a psychiatrist to put me all back in order again.
wanna know what set me off tonight? ms. m has been having seizures on a new scale. almost everynight now days & several times through the day. last night i mentioned maybe it was me when i got loud. maybe it was because she thought i was upset.
we were discussing opening a can of corn & where he could find a can of corn. ms. m started trembling like she does when she has her seizures.
immediately he starts telling me its cos i am being loud & she thinks i'm mad.
thanks for using my suggestion against me. thanks for making me feel like its my fault.
maybe he should go away & i won't be talking to anybody loud. hey, maybe i don't have to have someone in my house at all that she might misconstrue my volume of speaking with my perception of being upset.
how's that for a suggestion?
later.

3 comments:

Etoile Tyler said...

Kisses.

Rainex said...

I'm sad you are so down.
Sometimes you just need to
change one thing and that
really helps. I know all
about those aunty stuff,
that's why I have half
my womb missing! I used
to be so ill, oh and fat,
but that's a different story.
If you get your health
under control maybe you
will see things a bit better
and know that you deserve the
best.

Lindy.. The Alien Keeper said...

Love you my friends!