Shopping Can Be Fun

we put off going grocery shopping until today. we usually do our shopping on wednesday or thursday. i wanted to run by wal-mart & get hubby a new pair of gym shoes & some gravel for the garden this weekend. we really didn't need too much so we figured while we were out gasing the car we'd just do everything at once. in theory it all sounded like a great plan. i should have asked hubby to what point he would cooperate before we started. we got into wal-mart. the kids wanted to check out the fish as usual. while we were in the pet section i thought, hmm, check out toys for ms. m. & she needed a new leash anyway. we also wanted to pick up some sort of remote for a light we have, we cruised through electronics. on our way to pick up shoes we went through the television section. we've been talking about a new tv but we really don't know much about the digitals so we just kinda looked through, pricing & checking out best pictures..that sort of thing. i had promised the kids they could each pick a toy. so after hubby picked out his shoes we headed for the toy section. this is where things started going sour. hubby decided he wanted to start pricking out and prick out he did. he started standing at the end of the row with his arms crossed leaning against the shelf. i saw the signs & knew it was time to just head out so i encouraged the kids to be as fast as they could which still took some time. i mean if i just turned them loose to choose a toy i could've spent 40 bucks real quick but i told them to keep it around 5 dollars each. i thought they were pretty good & i didn't feel like we had spent too much time. besides i still needed to grab a bag of gravel. but the ass decided he'd spent enough time so what did he do? hello!!! he left us. he went back out to the car. leaving me with the kids & having to pick up this big ass bag of gravel by myself. see, this is how my better half works. you know how i work? pay backs, mother fucker, pay back is a bitch. how has your weekend been going? i'm doing lots of planning for the remainder of mine.
later.

Their Special Day

snukie & snarkie, today is their birthday. their 6th to be exact. they are both my precious babies & i miss them very much. i haven't gotten them since christmas when their mother deemed it allowable for them to visit me for the weekend. i email her every week asking her to remind them how much we all love them & miss them. i'm sure she doesn't. hell, i'm not even sure she opens my emails anymore.
in the beginning she actually left them with sonny for months saying she needed to get on her feet. then the court date came up that layed everything out on paper as for how much money sonny had to pay in arrearage (sp?) & child support. he made the mistake of accepting that the verbal agreement they had between them was good enough & didn't bother getting that on paper. (i did raise a trusting soul) and she was fine with that until she got his money. then all of a sudden she found a reason to get pissed off & just cut us off. now we've learned that the only way he has of getting visitation with them is to schedule another court date & having a judge order his visitation rights. with sonny not working the winter months he hasn't had the money to do that. now that the weather is getting better & work is picking up he'll be able to. mojo deserves an ass whopping & i'm hoping the judge sees fit to be the one that dishes it out. as for my granddaughters, i wish them a wonderful birthday & hope i'll get to see them for their next.
later.

Productivity Is In The Air

hubby mowed the yard today. i love that smell. i finally got him to transplant my carnations away from the bike trail the kids have through the yard. maybe this year they'll actually get a chance to bloom. right now i can't complain about the yard. it looks pretty good. next thing on the list is coating the roof & painting the house. both need to be done pretty bad but we really have to make sure we get a good week with no rain before we can attemp that. i hate when the outside looks so crappy. i'm so glad its getting warm enough to get these things done. goodbye winter. i won't miss you while your away. unfortunately you will return all too soon.
he also fixed an oil leak in the car. yayyy. i was getting really tired of our newly tarred driveway being covered with oil. good way to ruin a nice tar job pretty quick. we took the car to a carwash & cleaned it up. cherry was in dire need of a good wash. this is the way we get things done people...one thing at a time. i can't motivate hubby too much without owing him big time so i take whatever i can get. i cleaned curtains in the house & we aired it all out for the first time so far this year. the inside almost smells as nice as the outside.
all in all it was a pretty productive weekend. no kids make these things possible. no kids makes me find other things to keep us busy is what it boils down to.
time to get ready for another work week. hope you have a good week.
later.

Which Comes First?

its been pretty boring here in alien nation lately so just for something to talk about i thought i'd let you voice in on my retirement fund dilemma. seems we're changing over to a 401k (which is something i've wanted for 10 years) from the current retirement fund we've been feeding into. in the process we now have a choice of taking our funds now or rolling them over into the 401k. i'm thinking how often do you get the chance to enjoy your retirement fund in advance? granted its not much right now. i haven't worked where i'm at long enough to have a lot of money paid in but its a nice little chunk. lets face it chunks are nice no matter how small. i still have the rest of my life to pay into a retirement fund & i may not get the chance to enjoy it down the road. if this heart scare turns out to be the death of me. i might as well take the money & run or in this case i'm thinking buy some land to expand on. what are your thoughts? should i take the money now & better my living situation or leave it for just before i die to live on? did you know a woman has to work in the last 5 years before her retirement to draw social security? that gives me at least 14 years to work & build my retirement fund again. even if i just take what the company pays into the fund for me it'll be another nice chunk. if i add to that it'll look better in that amount of time. i have a friend who is taking her brokers license test in the next few months & i thought i might give her some to play with. who knows, maybe she'll be an ass kicking broker & make me millions? wouldn't that be nice? i'd love to set sonny up for a comfortable life & maybe be able to do a little for my grandkids too while i'm still here. i don't want to wait till i'm dead to pass out the bucks. i'd like to see them get it & do something constructive while i'm still alive.
what do you think? take it now or roll it over? use it to live like a queen or save it & die a pauper leaving it to my family?
either way i'm still counting on the broker. or the lottery. whichever comes first.
later.

Pump It Real Good

before you fuss, let me tell you, i know......i know!!!
i should be a doctor. especially with 'web md' at my disposal. (damn, that spelling just doesn't look right) diagnosing oneself is not really what that site is all about but when its there & your symptoms match, you have to know that its time to get your ass to a doctor & let him tell you 'yes, i think we caught it in time'. cos this. this is one i want caught in time.
i don't want to freak anyone out. especially myself but lately i've been having the weirdest feeling in my chest. right in the center, above my breast. like a tightening. every now & then & it only last for a few seconds. then its gone. sometimes it happens pretty often. sometimes i don't feel it all day long. this has been going on for about 5 days now. when i'm walking or exercising i don't feel it. i only feel it when i'm sitting & not doing anything strenuous. thats the only thing that makes me question my diagnosis. to share with you & by now i know you've come to the same conclusion that it may be my body getting ready to have a heart attack. i'm thinking maybe a clogged artery that is constricting when it realizes its not getting enough blood
through it. the only thing i can't figure out is why it isn't doing it all the time. seems like if it was overworking it would always be overworking. once you feel it seems like you would always feel it. anyone out there that has a better diagnosis than me? other than getting my ass to a doctor & find out for sure? cos i sure can't afford a heart attack right now but then i can't afford to go to the doctor if its just some stupid heartburn thingy. course, when will i be able to afford a heart attack? guess i need to mark that completely off the list cos in my world i will never be able to afford anything that luxurious. just joking. i know its not anything to mess with. i've read up on it & i'm praying it just goes away. i'm also staying on the alert for any tingling or light headedness that may accompany the constricting. so far i have no other symptoms. i'll keep you updated. as for my condition tonight. i haven't felt anything since i got home from work. it happened off & on all day at work today. which might be a good thing cos i work right across the street from a hospital zone. theres like 5 within walking distance. if i'm gonna seize that is probably the best place to do it.
on the other hand if i'd quit doing the breast exercises maybe it'll all go away.
later.

Obsessions: We All Have Them

lately, i've been kinda obsessed with death. march being the month my first husband died & april being when my mommy died; this time of year is always hard for me to deal. the puppy ordeal happening right now & it being jammers first real death experience has made me really think about the trials of our life. jammer is way too young to have been introduced to death the way his mother did it. i wish i could take it back but since theres no undoing the damage i've been thinking of ways to make him understand a little better & how to help him deal with death in general.
i've always been afraid of death. as in i don't want to. ever. probably because i wasn't intoduced to death the right way. i was about 4 when we were in a car accident that took my baby brothers life & i figure the damage was done then. maybe thats why i've blocked out most of my childhood in the first place.
the last time i went to my doctor he said he wanted hubby & i to start taking a baby aspirin everyday. i swear since then i have felt my heart more than i ever did in my life. everytime i get any kind of pain in my chest, whether it be heartburn or a twitching muscle, i think 'oh no, thats my heart'. damn doctors & their preventative teachings. i always had this recurring dream of dying in a car accident & now i can't think about anything but my heart.
i hope i die peacefully in my sleep at about 130 years old. of course, after a full life of being able to totally enjoy my retirement & maybe winning the lottery to help in that enjoyment. also, after meeting my great grandchildren & maybe my great great grandchildren.
anyway, i've been researching on the 'net' & i came across this page. don't look if you can't handle death but this intrigued me. a page about death in pictures (both before & after). ml, you've been warned. hell, i don't hold a candle to this guy & his obsession of death. and i thought i was weird.
later.

World Wide Web

it ain't much today. where is everyone? the internet is dead. i only get a few hours a week online & i can't find anything new. i guess everyone else must have a life. not me. i work, i blog without much interaction in between. damn, i'm bored.
knock-knock?
who's there?
not madamn.
not madamn who?
not madamn internet.
haha. i'm a gas. huh?
btw? is anyone else as glad as i am to have that little twit ramiele gone from american idol? she was driving me crazy. and oh. my. god. did you think she was gonna smother in those boobs before she got off that stage?
later.

Heart Strings

this week & last week being 'spring break' from school is the beginning of our busy season. people start thinking about what to do with the kids when summer comes. although, the weather really hasn't been playing fair people still make use of their memberships. we also do a direct mail piece enticing new members to join. the phones start ringing off the hook & you can hear screaming kids everywhere. some cos they don't want to go home, some cos they are out of the house & are turned loose. either way i don't have time for stupid shit at work. well, honey called about noon today to inform me they lost a puppy. turns out this puppy somehow managed to get hold of a poisoned mouse. they took it to a vet but really couldn't afford to leave her there so the vet gave them shots to administer but the puppy died anyway. honey was beside herself. she was so upset that she couldn't put her down (her words). so there she sat...holding a dead puppy...blubbering all over herself...in front of her children...holding a dead puppy...while her children were losing their fucking minds... cos they saw their mommy screaming over a dead puppy. jammer was crying so hard he couldn't breathe, let alone talk, to me. he was trying to tell me how sorry he was for mistreating this puppy. why wouldn't his mother explain to him that this wasn't his fault? that he shouldn't be blaming himself? cos she was too busy being a distraught, self centered, bitch that didn't care how totally she was upsetting her children with her reaction. she called me in the middle of my busy day to tell me how she couldn't stop crying & put this DEAD puppy down. she wanted sympathy for herself. not the puppy, not her children, she wanted me to feel sorry for her cos she was so upset over the dead fucking puppy. its not like this is the only dog they have. theres like 5 other dogs running around their house including another puppy. honestly, i felt so sorry for jammer i could have snatched honey up by the hair of her head & twisted it off. her head, her hair, her face, take your pick, i would have twisted any of them off if i had my hands on her. how stupid can this woman really be? is that how you teach your children about death & grief? personally, i would think the best way to handle that would be explain about going home to jesus & how you should rejoice for their reunion in heaven. how when we all get to heaven someday we will get to play with that puppy that will be happy living with jesus. not stupid honey, no sireee. she had to traumitize her kids with her ignorance. am i wrong in feeling this way? i mean, yes, you can shed tears over the death of a sweet little puppy but do you really go off the deep end in front of your innocent young children? i calmed jammer down on the phone & told him they should bury the puppy with her toys & pray for her. have a little funeral & maybe sing a song for her but to remember she isn't in any pain. she's happy with jesus in heaven. i called back a little later & he told me he cried so hard it made him get sick. he literally vomited from crying so hard. my poor guy. my heart goes out to him for having to live with this idiot mother of his. sonny called tonight to let me know that jammer finally cried himself to sleep after they sat in the chair together & talked about how the puppy just wasn't living here anymore but she was still playing with jesus in heaven. why couldn't honey have comforted her baby boy like that instead of letting him suffer through her ignorance? i'm telling you friends, i just don't get this woman. this is something that will always stick in my grandsons memory. i wonder if he'll ever actually forgive himself for something he could have done to this puppy thinking it may have contributed to her death. i wonder if i'll ever actually forgive honey for letting her baby think he may have contributed to this puppys death. i wonder if i'll ever commit to beating honeys ass for this one. if i ever catch her in a dark alley alone, she better watch her back. i'll be the one beating her with a dead puppy.
later.