Two Pence

you'll see to the left of my post i have a handful of blogs i read. they are the ones i try to read everytime i get on my computer. they tell interesting stories. whether its a sexy, make me horny story or some insight into their life i'm intrigued by them. they all teach me something about myself too. they teach me that without friends & different opinions we are just one big bunch of misfits. Walker asked if we felt so inclined to help make this point to anyone ready to read it. i'd like to say i agree with him & its original author. in our constitution there is an excerpt that states that in the event the government doesn't seem to be meeting the peoples needs & demands we could overthrow the government. i did find something in 'Lincoln's First Inaugural Address' This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember, or overthrow it but i'm sure i read it in association with the Declaration of Independence, as well. maybe we need to congregate & enforce our rights.
thats my 2cents.
later

Heart To Heart

last night hubby & i sat down & had us a little heart to heart. every now & then we have these little talks. i tell him how i don't know if i heart him anymore & i heart the idea of him moving out & he tells me how he hearts the idea of living his life as a useless drunk & he doesn't heart the idea of not having someone take care of his sorry ass. a few months ago we had one of these little heart to hearts & i let him decide how long he needed to find a job. or move out. he chose may 1st. i think i should have gotten the year too. thats how this one is gonna bite me in the ass. actually, i've decided to just quit bitching about it cos its never gonna happen. i've told him that i've accepted the only way i'm gonna get him out is to have him removed by the cops. since i hate involving the judicial system i'll never take that step. i did talk with a lawyer & just to start the ball rolling would cost me $800.00. she also suggested the first thing we would do is have the cops escort him off the premises. which would cost another $80.00 & every filing after that would cost another $80.00. in the end she had a total of just under $3000.00. thats alot of money in my world. how come a man can get alimony when he doesn't work? he can't make social security pay him but he can make a woman pay him. ain't that ridiculous? what sort of man would live off of a woman even after she kicks him to the curb? go ahead, you can say it,
the sack a shit kind.
on to someone that deserves my money
anyone watching 'american idol'? i think they are doing a great thing with this idol gives back program. i know i voted for an hour & 1/2 to get in as many calls as i could. i've never voted before but then they never had a corporation matching calls with money. if they got 50 million calls they'd make 5 million dollars for the needy kids. i think thats awesome & i wanted to be a part of that. of the ones left i like chris, phil & jordan. i really like jordan but i thought of the guys i couldn't decide so i voted for one at a time till i got through then started voting for the next one. when i got through for each one i started over. jordans number stayed busy the longest & i didn't get as many votes in for her but then i don't think she needs my help. i think she should have it. melinda is a professional & i think thats unfair. although she's a sweet person & very good vocalist i don't think she should be in the competition. she was already in the business & i think this show should be for those that need a foot in the door. lakisha is raising a daughter all alone & i'm sure she needs a break but i don't care much for her voice. blake the beat box is gonna be ok on his own. he's not my kind of entertainment but its a popular sound these days. sanjaya, was a trip. i don't think as long as american idol is on the air, or probably for years after, i'll ever think about that show without remembering sanjaya & william hung. both were personalities that are gonna be hard to shake.
well, i'm done for now.
later.

What Ever

YOU LIE!
i stopped in my tracks.
YOU LIE! LOOKY AT MOMMY.
i glanced over my shoulder & watched.
YOU YOU, LOOK AT MOMMY.
YOU LIE, MOMMY WANTS TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE, SMILE.
i thought, what a name for a kid. i've heard of ely but uly? why would you name your child that? hate him, do you? well, maybe she names her kids the same way my mother in law names her cats. whatever comes out of her mouth when she first sees them.
she had 'go away', a tortiese shell colored cat, 'oh my' a club foot calico. 'scat', 'mason' cos his head was stuck in a mason jar, 'jidiot' cos he lived on top of the fridge, 'beggar', 'striper', 'spottie', 'ying' & 'yang', twin brothers that showed up lately. 'yang' was stung by a bee in the spine & now is partially paralyzed pulling himself along with his front paws. she took him to a vet & he said they couldn't do anything for him but he was healthy & he should live a full & complete life. to each their own.
i imagined this woman in the doctors office.
'well, mrs, name your kids whatever, the good news is your pregnant.'
'u lie, mother fucker. don't tell me that shit. don't make me come up outta these stirrups & open a can of whuppass on you.'
9 months later, 'well, i've been thinking of naming him "uly". its different & its the first thing i thought of when the doctor told me i was pregnant.
good thing it wasn't mother fucker. that would have been my first thought. its a shittie name but it could have been worse.
speaking of, did i mention i haven't had a period in 2 & 1/2 months? mother fuck!
later.

Things Left Undone

the grandbabies have left the building! it has been a busy weekend. since the road cave-in i've been taking different roads home to find the shortest route between point a & point b. which i think i've finally refined. the kids have been moaning that our swings aren't up in the park by the house so on one of my excursions i passed a park that has swings, slides & a jungle gym. it wasn't too far from the house & hubby was all for it. on saturday we picked up a bucket of chicken & sides & headed for the park & proceeded to wear their little butts out. they got lots of fresh air, sunburns & exercise but of course, i think we were more tired at the end of the day than they were. at one point they were pushing us on the swings instead of the other way around. my fat ass & smoking has caught up with me. although i discovered i can still do a cartwheel. my wrists will scream tomorrow but it was all good then.
i wanted to clean the car but that didn't happen. my closets weren't cleaned or the laundry wasnt' done. the housework went undone too, but the kids were happy. the dog wasn't because we left her home alone with the bird. oh, btw, he burned his tail feathers on a lamp. there are certain things that we try to keep him from but he insists on going to. the lamp is one of them. fresh cut flowers are another. he's singing now & his feathers will grow back so he's no worse for wear but it sure did stink.
jammer was certainly glad to see us this weekend. if he told me he missed me once he told me a thousand times. right after he would tell me how much he loved me. we layed down to take a nap & he reached over to hold my hand. he described how he wreaked his bike & scraped his elbows. how he bumped his head on the steps & left the huge bruise i had to kiss. also how my kisses made these things heal better than medicine. snuggling there & laughing & talking with him was a special time. hubby said he sat out in the living room & listened to all of it & how sweet it sounded. i'm thinking i won't get many more years with him that he'll have time to do things like that. he'll outgrow me & have so much more to do on the weekends than lay with memaw & tell her about his week. i'm gonna miss these times.
how was your weekend? did you do anything special?
well, i gotta get ready for work tomorrow. i ain't worth a dime if i don't get my 8 hours sleep.
later.

To A Child

i tend not to watch the news for anything more than the weather reports. its so horrendous with all the killings, bombings, shootings, drive-by's, rapes & other scary things going on out there. i mean, you know how most people watch a movie with their hand over their eyes? thats how i watch the news. to me its worse than a scary movie cos i can convince myself the movie isn't true & would never happen in real life. lately that isn't so easy to do. just recently a trial was held for the killing of a 3 year old autistic foster child named Marcus Feisel. the killing actually happened early last august. liz & david carroll, the foster parents, pinned Marcus' arms behind his back, covered him in a blanket and then wrapped him completely with packing tape, like a mummy. only the toddler's head was exposed. as Marcus cried out in fear, the couple turned on a fan, shut the door to the 5-by-7-foot closet & left the house for a day-and-a-half to attend a family reunion in kentucky. later, lying to police claimed he disappeared from a park when she fainted from a heart condition. david carroll is also accused of abuse of a corpse for burning the boy's body and throwing it in the river. apparently there was another accomplise in this whole tragedy, a live-in girlfriend to both the carrolls named amy baker. the truth finally came out because she gave the story up for immunity. in ohio. but apparently because kentucky has jurisdiction over the river his body was finally dumped into they can still press charges against her. i saw the picture of that little boy & my heart broke for him. he was just an innocent tool in a money making scam the carrolls were involved in with the whole foster parenting thing. he had been placed with them a mere 4 months before that when he was taken from his mother cos he was found wandering the streets alone. you have to wonder how things like this happen. how could someone tie a little boy up & leave him for any amount of time, alone & afraid? how could someone burn a body & then just dispose of it? what kind of sick mind would think this kind of thing was ok? i can't imagine ever considering anything like this. i look at my little jammer & pray that nothing ever happens in his little world that could expose him to something so horriffic. the girls too. how many people would find a little girl wandering the streets & take her in to rape, abuse & kill her then dump her lifeless body somewhere thinking they'd never be caught. things like this happen all over the world & so many people get away with it. its stories like these that make me not turn on the news. it makes me wander where god was in their lives. I mean why doesn't he do something to help these innocent children. how could he let these things happen? the carrolls were found guilty & will serve life in prison. i don't think thats enough. i think they deserve alot more. torture on a daily basis or something even worse that i can't even dream up. you can only pray that the kids will get their rewards in heaven cos this world sure wasn't fair to them. as always, i will pray for the little children before i go to sleep tonight.
sadly, they need all the prayers they can get.
later.

Eloquence

i married young the first time. i was so in love i didn't think anything about marrying that young. i was also pretty naive. 2 things i learned pretty soon after getting married...men want blow jobs & women are advised to kegel. i started the kegel exercise pretty soon but i hated the thought of the blow job thing. i explained to my mother what slick, my first husband, wanted & asked 'is slick a pervert'. she responded with 'is your father?' well, duh, if he wanted a blow job...hell yes! in my opinion! at 18! hell yes!! that was sick. that was disgusting. that...was gonna happen? my first sex talk & i was getting way too much information. she went on to explain that women kegeled to make sex better. for those of you that don't know what the kegel exercise is, miriam webster defines it as:
repetitive contractions by a woman of the pelvic muscles that control the flow in urination in order to strengthen these muscles especially to control or prevent incontinence or to enhance sexual responsiveness during intercourse.
mom actually pulled out a dictionary & read that to me. she also gave me pointers on blow jobs. yuck! at that point i wished i'd gotten a little more information before i took the marriage plunge. i caved & started doing what women did. to make their husband happy. didn't make me happy but it made him exuberant! anyway, after years of practice i now kegel without even realizing i'm doing it & mommy isn't here anymore. so, my whole point of this is can kegeling fuck with your bowel movement when you get older? just wondering at what point does a woman stop kegeling? for that matter when can we stop the blow job thing? too much information? yeah, i thought so. i need my mommy.
oh, come on people. lighten up. i've gotten a lot raunchier than this. just ask hubby. i've got a mouth that can make a sailor blush. that reminds me, when slick wanted to get that special treatment he would say, (and this is where his nickname came into play) 'awww, cumown baby, cumown.' he said this really fast but i knew it meant 'come on baby, come on'. i translated slicktalk really well. its not really fair to poke fun at a dead man is it? ok. i quit.
speaking of weddings, hubbys babybros wedding went pretty well. it was held in a residential home, her parents. i got lots of pics & the first thing babybro said to me, 'you match the wedding party, did you wear your bells?' i had my bells with me, unfortunately, the clasp had broken & i couldn't wear them. i shook my purse at him & jingled so he was happy.

i've been really sick. i have a bad cold with the sneezies, runny nose, chills & my ribs are sore from all the coughing. everytime i lay down i get this tickle in my throat that just won't stop. through the night i'm averaging about 3 hours sleep. the rest of the time i'm tossing, turning & coughing. it sucks to be me right now.

speaking of, here is a before of the wedding & since i don't drink & drive its the after too.

oh, you might wanna see hubby too.

so here is steiner.......this is a during.

and i thought i'd introduce you to

mr. & mrs. babybro.....

nice looking couple don't you think?

k..gotta go.

i've got to take some meds. i'm going to the doctor on wednesday. hopefully, i feel better soon.

later.

God Sent?

i posted about not having owned a bike until i was 15 a few entries back. in response i received
an email from nipper, my younger sister. i asked her if i could use this so she wouldn't be surprised but i wanted you to see what our childhood was like.
nippers' response:
'BTW, I feel bad that you never had a bike. I wanted a *&^%$ FM radio. I got an AM that never held a channel and Gunner got a king size stereo with floor speakers. He didn't even live there, he lived at his papaws. Oh man, you really brought back memories.'
we were the step children in this marriage. we were made to believe that we had a wonderful life but when we got older & looked back on our lives we realized that we were housed, we were used, we were convinced that we were lucky...we were convenienced. they gave us some piece of shit to appease us that was no where near what we wanted but we were taught to appreciate what we got so we didn't complain. we just accepted the way it was & this is what we got. i actually appreciate the fact that i was taught to keep a clean house but it came from the fact that i was used as a cleaning maid, built in babysitter & cook...so was nipper when i moved out. how's that for love?
later

The Jammer

i'm missing my babies. i won't be seeing them this weekend. hubbys youngest brother is getting married on saturday so i had to pass on the kids. i actually told babybro that i would wear bells if he ever got married. looks like my time has arrived to get my ding dongs dingling . to appease myself i thought i'd show you some pics of the jammers birthday party. i tried to remove the sunshine coming in the window over snookys shoulder but it didn't work. so i left it alone. after the cake & sing song we played pin the tail on the donkey. how do you like my donkey?

i thought it was cute. some say it was a she ass (i think they were talking about me) some thought it was a he ass. jammer went for the he ass cos its his party & he'll male it all up if he wants to.

then we opened some presents. he loved this robot thingy & of course his motorcycles. he also got new shoes, which didn't impress him. a superman that shook like he was flying, a new sword

cos he broke his old one, some new guns & now, my brain went dead, i just can't remember the rest of what he got. oh well, i have to deal with it so you have to put up with it.

can you tell it was all about the jammer? in my house thats how it goes. i did get some pics of the other kids but who cares? he got lots of toys, had lots of fun & was the center of attention. did you notice the attire? he had to wear his spiderman suit. hey, it was his day so i let him go for it. the girls all wanted to doll it up so they got to wear princess dresses & makeup. i fixed everybodys hair & made sure they were all happy too.

gotta go for now. i have to make sure my girdle is clean & i have pantyhose to wear tomorrow.

later.

Picture It

Happy Easter to all my good friends & family that stop in. its another cold one this year. i bet it snows again....any takers?
while on my lunch break friday i saw a guy on a bicycle. definitely too cold to be riding a bike, i thought it was kinda weird but then something else struck my funny bone. i heard the distinct rat-a-tat-tat of a card in his spokes. remember when you were a kid & using a clothes pin to attach the playing card on your spoke? this guy had to be in his 40's. it just struck me as kinda odd. i started thinking about bicycles. i never had a bicycle when i was really young. i didn't get my first bike until i was 15 & it was a 10 speed. whenever my friends did the bike ride thing if i was lucky i could borrow my brothers bike or my sisters. that didn't happen often cos they were usually riding it. so, when it came to the gang in the neighborhood getting together for one of their bike excursions i missed out. i'd sit in my window seat & watch as 15 or 20 kids rode by on their adventures & cry because i couldn't join them. usually my brother & sister was among them. the 10 speed i finally got was a hand me down from my grandmother. my parents gave it to me for christmas & made a big deal out of it cos they paid $15.00 for it. by that time all my friends were riding in cars getting ready to get their drivers license. i didn't get my drivers license until i was almost 17. my dad said i didn't deserve them. guess i didn't deserve a bike either. i never asked. i moved back home with my mom when i was 16 & she signed for me to get my license. i didn't get to keep my bike either when i moved out of my dads house. so much for it being mine. my childhood was pretty fucked up. no wonder i'm such a dysfunctional adult. its really weird how the craziest things pop into my mind about my childhood. for the most part i don't remember it until something like the guy riding by on the bike strikes a memory cord.
i keep telling you how my eyes, health, hearing, yada yada are going. you know you're getting old when you forget your way somewhere. back when i first moved to this area i was in my early 20's. i ran around with a cool crowd & dated a muscian. we spent a lot of nights partying it up bar hopping. to get from one bar to another we would take back roads. yes, this was to avoid getting pulled over. yes, it was stupid to drink & drive & i was very lucky that i never had a major accident. but anyway, with this road closing thing coming home friday i forgot until i got half way up the road that it was closed. stupid, stupid, stupid, brain dead, forgetful idiot that i am. i also know how lucky i was the last time i slid around the closed sign & came on up the road anyway that a cop wasn't waiting at the other end to ticket me. i have wised up alot since my drunk stupor driving bar hopping days. so, i turned left & took the detour around the road. traveling along the road i was thinking about the days when we did the bar hopping thing cos this was one of the major back roads we traveled. when i realized, all of a sudden, i didn't recognize any of my surroundings. everything had changed & there was roads i had never heard of. whisper pines, white blossom, joe's road. what the fuck? there was a grave yard i'd never seen & a police station that was never there before. for sure! a police station! i thought i was lost. i thought about calling hubby & asking him to give me directions to get home, i thought about stopping at the police station & asking where the hell i was! people i was panicking! i just couldn't believe i was lost. then out of the blue i came upon an area i did recognize. it was a series of s's & hills where the trees canopied the road. all of a sudden i wasn't so panicked & actually was glad i took that road. it was beautiful. even the snow was a part of the beauty. all the purple of the redbud trees, yellow of the forsythia & the white snow had covered the leaves of the trees to the point that it looked like everything was blooming. even the snow looked like white blossoms everywhere. it was calming, tranquil & familiar. i wish i had my camera to take a pic but if you close your eyes i bet you can imagine it. i finally hit the major drag & came on home but i was glad i got lost or i would have missed that.
god does work in mysterious ways.
later.

Spring Has Unsprung

the first part of this week was so beautiful. how could it go back to winter on us like this? i mean, i knew it was gonna get cold again but its in the low 30's & it fuckin snowed here today. as bad as i hate it & the crap came back. someone up there is laughing their ass off at me. probably uncle pete. he always loved a good joke.
this morning i heard on the news that a certain intersection was having trouble with the traffic light. i thought about it & couldn't remember the name of the cross section so i thought i must not go through that intersection. well, i DO, i DID & i almost HIT the cop standing in the middle of the intersection all in black. he had parked his car on the other road so i didn't see it as i came up on the intersection with its pretty lights flashing all yellow, blue, red & white. that would have at least been a hint. the speed limit through there is 50 so i was going oohhhh about 60. on top of that my mind wasn't working all that well yet cos i stayed up too late last night watching the holiday. oh yeah, and my eyes aren't what they used to be. when i realized that little black dot in the middle of the road was a cop i almost shit myself. i was lucky enough that he was looking the other way & motioning us through so he didn't realize how lucky his cute little ass was. they ought to pay closer attention to where they stand when directing traffic. course, so should i.
i've also mentioned the road i travel that has the creek running beside it that sometimes creeps over the road. well, half of the road was gone when i came back home. not under water like usual. i mean it was gone! it fell in the creek. i couldn't stand not knowing what happened so even though the 'road closed' sign was in the road with orange striped barrels all around it i followed a couple other cars & went through the grass to get to the other side. it'll probably take them a month to repair that road. theres about 4 feet of the 2 lane road still standing. just enough space for a small car to get through without going in the ditch. love my little cherry. did i mention thats what i decided to name my le baron? she's a sweet little ride. i've discovered that she needs a new top though. she leaks like a mother fucker with a bladder infection. i checked on prices & its not too bad but it'll be awhile before i can afford to replace it. right now theres too many things i can do with a $120.00 to be wasting it on a thing like staying dry while i drive my cute little car around. it'll be alright. its only my left arm that gets wet so if i sit way over to the right it never gets me.
hubby has applied for social security finally. i've been after him to do this for a while now. he can't drive, he's never feeling quite right & he has to take all this medication so he hasn't got much of a shot with a job. he's tried surveys & they don't ever seem to come through with any money. besides that, if he waits till he's 64 to draw his social security chances are it won't even be there. might as well get it while he can. we could really use it right now. we're just barely making it from pay check to pay check. last week i think we had $1.67 in the bank by the time i got payed. we've cut out any & all the luxuries we ever had. we don't have steak dinners nowadays & lobster or crab is way beyond a consideration. as much as i love my pepsi we can't afford that. i pack my lunch & drink a lot of water instead of going out like everybody else. it doesn't help that all the bills are due the first part of the month either. i get payed twice a month so the first paycheck goes to all the bills just to keep them from turning things off. the second paycheck finishes paying what i couldn't pay out of the first paycheck with a little left over for groceries. then it starts all over again. i can't imagine how big families make it on one income. we're just 2 people & can't do it with what i make. heaven forbid i ever get sick & not be able to work cos then we'd be fucked. speaking of fucked, too bad i'm not 20 or i might be working the street corners.
well, guess i've whined & puned enough for one night.
see ya, later.

One Dollah

i love typing. i could type all day long. oh wait, i do. well, in between all the unhappy people that call me to complain that they want the coupon that went out today to be applied to the steak they bought 2 months ago. thats a metaphor but you get the picture. i need to buy a tape recorder so i can record the answers & just play them back over & over. i just don't get why its so hard for people to accept that if they didn't have the offer when they purchased how can they back up & call do overs? i mean think of it like this. kroger is a big grocery store, known all across the land. they put coupons out that are good for a week at a time. every week they change their coupons. if you go to kroger with a coupon for $1.00 off hamburger & you buy that hamburger with your dollar off coupon this week. then the following week a coupon goes in the paper for $2.00 off hamburger. do you call kroger & demand they give you a dollar back cos you didn't get that coupon last week? or that they should give you a dollars worth of hamburger when you bring that coupon in cos you bought your hamburger last week? i'm talking about a non-profit organization. our prices are reasonable, you can come & spend the whole day, enjoy seeing something new around every corner, jump on a carousel or a train & take a ride or participate in an educational program for less than 19 cents a day. its a hell of a deal especially for large families that don't have a lot of money to blow & thats without a sale. i just don't get it. i'm one of the tightest assholes in the world & i belong. for full price. its well worth it. and i don't call me & complain all the time.
i had a member come in today with his daughter. she saw my fingernail polish & said,
'daddy, dingews wed'.
he didn't catch it at first so i said,
oh, you like my red nails? she nodded.
i held up my other hand & said,
look, what color are these?
wed too.
you are too smart. do you know all your colors?
yep
if you can tell me what color this is i have a surprise for you? i held up a green monkey.
gween.
oh, very good. what is your favorite animal?
mon-kee.
wup, guess you get this green monkey then, huh?
she was so tickled she squealed. she was still talking about the lady with the red nails as they went out the door. it made me feel good to make that little girl so happy. i'm a pushover for kids that are so easy to please.
the flowers are blooming everywhere & i love the smell of hyacinths when they open. they're calling for some cold weather in the next week & i hate for the frost to kill all the pretty flowers. such a waste. hopefully some will survive. my neighbor has like 90 roses coming up, you know most of them won't make it if it goes back down in the 30's. my daffodils are the only thing still blooming in my garden. most of them have been cut & brought into the house. i hated to cut them but i didn't want them to just freeze. well, i didn't cut them, hubby & the kids did. but they'll last about as long in the house as they would against the freeze & at least, we'll get to enjoy them. they make the house so bright. its nice to walk into a room full of flowers. my in-laws have a shitpile more than we do. everytime you go to visit they have vases everywhere full of iris', daffodils, tulips or what ever is blooming at the time. we'll get to see them on easter. it always smells so pretty at their house.
but for now its 80 & sunny. i don't want to think about the frost thats coming anymore. maybe the weather people will be wrong.
well, gotta go for now. time for some din-din.
later.