Sunday, May 04, 2008

Stepping Up

well, i'm right back to only getting to update on weekends...sundays to be more precise. i have dial up so it takes me 2 minutes & 53 seconds to sign on. at least!!! then when i click to open blogger it takes 2 minutes & 27 seconds to open & god forbid i can't think how to spell a word cos that takes another 53 seconds to just open my dictionary. thats not taking into consideration the time it takes to bring up the word i want to spell check. jeez, could i be any slower. and i don't want to mention the drunker i get the slower i type so .... can someone else do the math on that cos i get lost. i'm working with a pentium 4 but my computer only has 2 slots for memory that accepts up to 256 bytes of memory. such a stupid limit. whoever thought that one up really screwed up. two things i want to invest in with our rebate income tax is a new computer & a new tv. i'll probably build my own computer with the newer options but the tv i have to depend on someone elses expertise. if anyone has any suggestions i'm open for them. i'm not looking to waste my money....just spend the shit out of it right now for things i want.
i have to save the money to buy a divorce packet. i don't have to go through a lawyer cos they sell packets right on the internet or i can pick one up at 'staples'. it's just gonna cost me 80.00 bucks for the packet & then again for every filing i have to do. including removing hubby from the home. you have to know he's not just gonna walk away. would you? he quit his job that i drove him to & now just gets to sit at home & decide whether or not he wants to work in his dads garden or sit at home to play on the computer.
i'm gonna be honest about all that. i could live with hubby for the rest of my life & just let it all go but seriously, i'm sick to death of being the keeper. i don't want to be the only one that makes all the money & makes sure all the bills are paid, i don't want to be the only one that makes sure the car is running right, i don't want to be the only one that makes sure the house has no leaks or the yard is mowed. i'm sick of being the only one that cares about anything & everything. i'm also sick of his huffing & puffing that makes me feel like i have to just fucking be the bbbaaabbbbyysittterr. i don't want to be a fucking babysitter. i want (HELLO) a mate to be my equal. my MAN to know what needs to be taken care of & not someone i have to beg to step up to the plate & just HELP. do your part. be a man. quit fucking taking advantage. i didn't marry a kid that i needed to raise.... i thought i married a man..... to be there for better half.... boy, have i learned.