Monday, February 11, 2008

Valentines Day

i'm 51 years old. i work every day of my life. even if i don't work i get paid for it which is really a good thing. although i have to take a pto day to get that pay at least i'm allowed that convenience. i don't understand a 2 party family that each won't make an effort to bring in their part. honey is one. i just don't understand where this woman gets off thinking she doesn't owe it to their family to contribute her part. one person on their own can pull it off but if you are a 2 parent family, with kids, it takes at least 2 incomes to make ends meet. to have anything. one person, making realllly good money can cover themself & have a decent living. 2 people with kids and only one income is just someone (sonny) pounding their head against a wall. what really kills me is sonny supports her & her daughter & his son but she refuses to get a job to help out. after jammer started school the plan was that she would get a job but in the end her statement was, 'i am NOT getting a job. thats the bottom line'. its just not fair to sonny for him to be sole provider.
in my case, i feel the same about hubby and he will agree with me that its not fair for me to support him but he won't get a job either. how does he live with himself & not have an income? how does he sit at home every day knowing that i'm the bread winnner of our home? that he makes no monetary contribution? with no viable reason for his decision? i don't know & he can't give me a reasonable answer. every week, at least once a week, i pose this question to hubby. still every week i'm met with silence.
i've offered every option to help rectify this situation. i've given him every chance to step up.
my only choice of action is divorce. if i file for divorce he'll have no choice but to go to work simply because nobody else is gonna be there to support him. yes, he can go back & live at his parents home but still they aren't going to support his habits et: his cigarettes, his alcohol, his willingness to sit at home & let someone else support him. what will be his option but to get a job & support those habits?
in our AA meetings they called me an enabler. they dogged me because i was the one that paid the bills & allowed him to sit at home & not be responsible. it didn't matter to those people that i still needed a home, food, transportation, heat or supplying myself i was supplying him thus i was an enabler. they made me cry everytime i walked into those meetings. they made me feel like shit. i hated myself everytime i attended a meeting. they didn't care about me that was trying to be an upstanding citizen. he didn't speak up for me in those meetings. he just sat back & reveled that i was the bad guy for supplying all the necessaties. it was all my fault that he drank obsessively. i hated going to those meetings but i did to help him. it didn't help him. it only made me feel like a piece of shit. for the most part he walked down to the carryout, bought a bottle & had a buzz before we even went to the meetings. vodka can't be smelled so i sat there being attacked while he sat there in oblivion about all that was going on. he finished his program with flying colors & i kept feeling like the piece of shit i was for supporting him.
tomorrow is 'valentines day'. a day of appreciation for the one you love & god knows i have to give him something. i bought him a shitload of candy & i'm gonna print him a card that i've designed myself. since covering his face with a pillow has never worked...this year i think maybe i'll go for a super load of sugar. something has to got to get my point across.
happy valentines day to all those new lovers out there.


Walker said...

AA = Assholes Annonymous

Its hard in todays world to make unds meet on yoiur own and the idea of being with someone is not only as a way to breed but to also to lessen the burdon on one person by splitting the responsabilities.

I spent 17 year with someone who never worked but lived well on what I supplied.
That was my choice.
She didn;t manipulate me, the woman was just useless at everything like work because she had no or little social skills other than "are you going to do that line or can I have it"?

I allowed it to happen be giving her access to the drugs.
FOOD is ok and AA could go fuck themselves for treating you like that.
You didnt give him booze.

I can't really comment on your situation because its one that you allow to happen.
Now don't get all curly on me.
You do what you do out of love and necessity and in comparasin to divorce a lesser choice but something has to be done because if you get sick or can't work any more you'd be screwed and I don't think you want to live with his parents.

Its the ones we love the most that hurt us.
Maybe he could find a part time job20 hours a week just to get the joints lubed up.

It's nice of you to get him something, its the thought that counts after all.
Whoever said love didn't hurt or cost you anything has obviously never been in love.

Happy Valentines Day

cassee01 said...

That's awful they made you feel that way! Yes, you may have been enabling but he was also doing the taking! You think they would've gotten on him more than you!

I too had a husband like that but he was abusive which yours is not. Wish I had an answer for ya. After I left, his mother helped him get an apartment but he ended up being evicted and ever since he has lived in their basement. She did finally make him get a job but he only makes minimum wage. Sad very sad because in truth he has many talents but too insecure to use them.